Yes painful my recovery calls it my if only's. I have a lot also. Its enough to know the unthinkable happened and yet I beat myself up for not thinking the unthinkable. Its hard to accept that there are people who walk around with such depraved thinking that something like that would be okay. I'm so sorry. I am thankful that you responded appropriately from the moment you did learn and continue too despite the difficulty you are truly an example and an amazing mom.

Well... If it's any help Lusks1
The wetting / pooping / bathroom problem was one of the things that DID make me suspicious for abuse... But look at my outcome so far today... It helped none.

I had no signs, I have racked my brain and nothing.I have read all the articles about signs,symptoms,nothing.I kick myself for one thing though.The room it happened in at my inlaws.the room the kids played in,they always closed the door.How could I be so stupid? 2 boys and my daughter.But who would think something like that would happen? And I also wonder why my daughter kept going in there everytime we went there,I asked her that and she said she still wanted to hang out with them just left when the 1 boy did so she would not be alone with the other.It breaks my heart to think her self esteem is so low that she would go back in.I overheard my husband talking to his mom on the phone awhile ago and heard him say "And I kept sending her back in there" meaning when you are at family's house and send the kids to go play so the grownups can talk.There is a lot of guilt for us parents that will probably haunt us forever.

bonnieboo My dear friend's children were also molested in the playroom, door closed. They now have a no closed door policy. There abuser was a half brother to the children that is no longer living with them.

When the haunting sets in, as it often does, I try to focus on the same thoughts voiced by heartsadx3, when our children used their voices, we listened and we stopped it.

Love to you all

Another thought, why did our children continue to love the perp? Our abuser is their grandfather. Children are beautiful souls. They love and forgive. My son finally spoke up because the "yucky" feelings over ran his life and body.

I am thankful for their forgiveness and love when I think about how I promised to always keep them safe, and failed. Their love and forgiveness is healing.

I think we all have those regrets. Much of our abuse happened in a playroom upstairs(door to room opened, closet door likely shut) and for short time periods, or in the basement while the adults were on the main floor. @bonnieboo - I too feel my guilt for wanting my adult time, and shooing my child to go play. For us there were no signs either - there were sleep issues, but we always had sleep issues, so that wasn't a red flag for me. Very close to disclosure, my daughter went to spend the night at my sister's (the first time ever she had spent the night) - and said "I don't want to spend the night" - well, she doesn't ever want to spend the night with anyone (she was off school the next day and I needed someone to keep her, and I needed to go in early), so that wasn't a red flag to me either - but it should have been. I have since apologized to my daughter for not listening to her when she told me that, and for not checking on her when she was playing with him - and I promised I would do my best (because I can't promise it won't happen again with someone different) to always keep her safe and not let her get in that situation. All we can do is forgive ourselves and move on - and do better in the future. (((HUGS))) to all of us!