I'm so sorry for what you are going through and you are doing everything you can do now which is taking care of your health. If you have looked at dbt it has some great tools for ptsd which most of us experience as a result of trauma. I was molested as a child and I told my mom who did nothing about it and finally as an adult I went to counseling. I found my own healing how fortunate they are to have a supportive mom. Your own health will bless your kids when,they are dealing with their own pain. The power of a praying mom or books of prayer for children might be something that could help you do something especially for adult children. If you are a believer...God will heal them.

We have all felt that sense of failure -- it's based on the irrational idea that we parents should automatically know what's really happening in our children's lives. Trauma changes the way brains work, at least temporarily. As heartsadx3 implies, you have been traumatized, too, and MUST care for yourself first. My daughter only told me when she was an adult about her vicious childhood abuse by an adult neighbor; it's been over two years now, and I still have moments where I want to get a hammer, get in the car and drive to that man's house. I was on medication for depression before she disclosed, so I can't say how I would have fared if I didn't have that support, but my guess is "even worse than the near-breakdown I actually suffered." Because my daughter turned to drugs before disclosure, I have also joined a 12-step program for friends and family of substance abusers, and the principles of that program have truly saved my sanity. Believe it or not, the most important person you must help in this situation is yourself -- when you learn how to care for yourself, you will have the authenticity of survival that your sons can look to as an example. I bet this sounds really backwards, but it works. Here are the 12 steps of my program, edited to address the root of sexual abuse:

Twelve Steps
1. We admitted we were powerless over EVIL—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Steps 1-3 are the ones that you will call on, over and over, to get through the worst days. Note that Step 3 only asks you to make a decision. Make that decision, and let your higher power (whether it be God or the universe, which is bigger and higher than anything humans can understand) care for you. Leave it all on the table for your higher power. Then walk away and let HP take care of everything you cannot manage at the moment. Today you will pay your bills. Tomorrow you will garden. The rest will happen in its own time. My heart goes out to you. I hope this helps you begin to feel peace again.

Remember that feelings are not defects of character. They are windows to your authentic self. Remember that not knowing what someone worked to conceal is not a defect of character.