Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

Spoke to the detective today

bonnieboo11
bonnieboo11
I spoke to the detective today involved in my daughter's case,he was very nice,I am lucky.Things are going slow because the abuse happened in another state at her grandparents house so he had to notify the police and district attorney in that state,also the boy lives in yet another state so they have to be notified also.I expressed to him that I did have a pretty close relationship with his mother and she was very accomodating and remoursful and I wanted to make sure they were aware of that so she is not treated badly.He pretty much told me my job was to care for my daughter and let things be with my sister in law and her family.I also asked him if i am allowed to keep her grandparents informed of the progress and he advised against it He again said take care of my daughter and dont discuss with anyone else.He said the grandparents have no rights to know anything so I guess in a way he was telling me to be careful?I know my mother in law would call my sister in law right away to give her details.I figured you guys would know,am I jeopardizing things by giving them updates? Anything else I should know during the process? Like don't agree to this or dont tell them that.I know things are about to get really tough and if you guys have any advice it will be very appreciated.
lovesmama
lovesmama
I would take his advice and do not discuss the case with the grandparents or have any communication with your sister in law. Your detective is right that your primary job at this point is to look after your daughter and act in her best interest... Follow is directions completely for he gives you very good advice...!!! Anything you have said in the past and anything you may say in the future to your sister in law or anyone who may communicate with your sister in law can AND WILL be used against you in court...!!! So be very careful, even things that seem harmless can be twisted in ways that you can not fathom and used against you...!!! Trust me I've been through it...!!! And trust your detective because he has been through it way more than any of us on here...!!!
I'm glad that you have a good detective and you guys are on the right track... Expect this too take 1-2year before you see the inside of a court room... For our case it was 2 years before we got to court...!!! My brother was in a different state than us and he was a minor as well... Also you can only expect
Mandated counseling for him and at the most extreme punishment probation... My brother raped my daughter and because he was a minor he got two days a week family counseling and probation for 6 months and that was the harshest sentence he could have received...!!! But for us it was about sending him the message that what he did was wrong and against the law and that he could not get away with abusing other children...!!!
rmbadger
rmbadger
I agree that you should probably not have contact with your sister in law anymore. I also experienced having things twisted to suite the perp's interests. Same goes for your mother in law, I wouldn't breathe a word about anything. Besides, you won't be able to change these people's thoughts or actions anyways. People want to believe the best about their family and loved ones so you aren't going to be able to get them on your side. Believe what the detective says to you and allow him to help you through this. Of course at the end of the day though, this is a case for him and he will do what he needs to do to help his case. You help your daughter and that's all you can do.

Our case went to court in 6 months, was continued a couple of times and ended at 8-9 months. He also got mandatory therapy specializing in child sexual abuse, 18 months probation, 40 hours community service and a list of requirements through his probation.