Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I'm not a parent of child who was sexually abused. However, I am husband of 30 years to my lovely wife Linda, who was abused by her brother for many years. I have tried to be the best supportive partner and father to our 3 grown children. I have been dealing with the effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse and for the last 18 years have studied and more importantly lived with the horrors my wife went through. I have compiled vasts amount of information and knowledge and my wife and I host a weekly webinar for Survivors & Partners. I have talked with many Survivors over the years and want to help society understand what happens to children when they are abused.
Here is some of the information which has come out of my research, I can't site the thesis,report,etc. that these have come from but I can tell you they are things I know to be true from my perspective. Remember Silence breeds Silence which hurts more then anything our Survivors and children. This is not something I assure will ever be swept under the carpet and just forgotten about. It will rear its ugly head at some point and in many different ways. I don't say this to be mean spirited in any way I say it because it is FACT !!
Talking with a professional helps most people who have undergone this trauma. This helps to purge hidden feelings of guilt, fear and anger. The victim can join a support group working in the area of rehabilitation of incest victims. A warm and supportive family atmosphere goes a long way towards rehabilitating a victim. Most important is that she should not be blamed for the act and not be made to feel guilty.
Many adults face the difficult task of healing from physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual abuse suffered in childhood. This is often made more difficult by isolation and feelings of shame and self-blame. Survivors may feel they must protect or shield those who abused, particularly if the perpetrators were family members.
There are no easy answers or solutions to the crime of incest. But one need not live a life of isolation, resentment and loathing; feelings that only serve to stir up more negativity. It is not necessary to forgive the abuser, but it is necessary to forgive oneâs self. The survivor has done nothing wrong.
For those who did speak out, many report being further harmed by their families response, with the abuse being ignored, excused or worse still, the victim blamed for causing further turmoil in the family.
A number of emotional problems may emerge from the abuse, including inability to trust, perfectionism, phobias, avoidance of both intimacy and emotional bonding. The denial system that insured our survival as children now prevents us from enjoying unencumbered adulthoods. We donât trust our own perceptions; we were forced to become an expert in disbelieving our own senses.
Decades pass before many sexual abuse survivors can even begin to confront the trauma they suffered as a child. Reasons for these delays vary and underscore why most victims cannot report the abuse within current legal time frames. For some, the abuser was a parent, relative or other trusted adult. Other victims blamed themselves and feared retribution if the abuse was revealed. For many, the trauma itself prevents them from coming forward earlier. As adults, victims may not even connect the assault to its long-lasting impact until they seek therapeutic help years later. If evidence is sufficient to prove criminal or civil liability, the mere passage of time should not foreclose sexual assault victims from seeking justice.
In The Long Term The Child May Also Experience A Number Of Effects As An Adult. These May Include:
1. Depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping.
2. Low self esteem.
3. "Damaged goods" syndrome. i.e. negative body image due to self-blame. This may be intensified if physical pain was experienced during the abusive incidents.
4. Dissociation from feeling.
5. Social isolation.
6. Relationship problems such as an inability to trust, poor social skills or reluctance to disclose details about themselves.
7. Self destructive behavior such as substance abuse or suicide attempts.
8. Sexual difficulties such as fear of sex or intimacy, indiscriminate multiple sex partners or difficulty in reaching orgasm.
9. Parenting problems such as fear of being a bad parent, or fear of abusing the child or being overprotective.
10. An underlying sense of guilt, anger or loss.
11. "Flashbacks" and/or panic attacks.
I truly hope this will give you some information that will help you understand how important it is to be supportive of your children NOW. I assure you if you are not supportive and try and silence your child, you for sure will have serious problems at some point...
Here is some of the information which has come out of my research, I can't site the thesis,report,etc. that these have come from but I can tell you they are things I know to be true from my perspective. Remember Silence breeds Silence which hurts more then anything our Survivors and children. This is not something I assure will ever be swept under the carpet and just forgotten about. It will rear its ugly head at some point and in many different ways. I don't say this to be mean spirited in any way I say it because it is FACT !!
Talking with a professional helps most people who have undergone this trauma. This helps to purge hidden feelings of guilt, fear and anger. The victim can join a support group working in the area of rehabilitation of incest victims. A warm and supportive family atmosphere goes a long way towards rehabilitating a victim. Most important is that she should not be blamed for the act and not be made to feel guilty.
Many adults face the difficult task of healing from physical, emotional, spiritual, or sexual abuse suffered in childhood. This is often made more difficult by isolation and feelings of shame and self-blame. Survivors may feel they must protect or shield those who abused, particularly if the perpetrators were family members.
There are no easy answers or solutions to the crime of incest. But one need not live a life of isolation, resentment and loathing; feelings that only serve to stir up more negativity. It is not necessary to forgive the abuser, but it is necessary to forgive oneâs self. The survivor has done nothing wrong.
For those who did speak out, many report being further harmed by their families response, with the abuse being ignored, excused or worse still, the victim blamed for causing further turmoil in the family.
A number of emotional problems may emerge from the abuse, including inability to trust, perfectionism, phobias, avoidance of both intimacy and emotional bonding. The denial system that insured our survival as children now prevents us from enjoying unencumbered adulthoods. We donât trust our own perceptions; we were forced to become an expert in disbelieving our own senses.
Decades pass before many sexual abuse survivors can even begin to confront the trauma they suffered as a child. Reasons for these delays vary and underscore why most victims cannot report the abuse within current legal time frames. For some, the abuser was a parent, relative or other trusted adult. Other victims blamed themselves and feared retribution if the abuse was revealed. For many, the trauma itself prevents them from coming forward earlier. As adults, victims may not even connect the assault to its long-lasting impact until they seek therapeutic help years later. If evidence is sufficient to prove criminal or civil liability, the mere passage of time should not foreclose sexual assault victims from seeking justice.
In The Long Term The Child May Also Experience A Number Of Effects As An Adult. These May Include:
1. Depression, anxiety, trouble sleeping.
2. Low self esteem.
3. "Damaged goods" syndrome. i.e. negative body image due to self-blame. This may be intensified if physical pain was experienced during the abusive incidents.
4. Dissociation from feeling.
5. Social isolation.
6. Relationship problems such as an inability to trust, poor social skills or reluctance to disclose details about themselves.
7. Self destructive behavior such as substance abuse or suicide attempts.
8. Sexual difficulties such as fear of sex or intimacy, indiscriminate multiple sex partners or difficulty in reaching orgasm.
9. Parenting problems such as fear of being a bad parent, or fear of abusing the child or being overprotective.
10. An underlying sense of guilt, anger or loss.
11. "Flashbacks" and/or panic attacks.
I truly hope this will give you some information that will help you understand how important it is to be supportive of your children NOW. I assure you if you are not supportive and try and silence your child, you for sure will have serious problems at some point...
I have moments that I wonder if I am making the right choices for all of my kids. I guess only time will tell.