I can understand how frustrating that feels! I'm a year out from disclosure and have had a few instances where it was definitely thrown out as an excuse rather than a reason. I don't know that there really is a good way of telling them to rub some dirt on it and move forward (Really hoping that doesn't come across snarky!) but I also believe in making certain they know the difference between a reason and excuse. "I hear you say you didn't take out the trash because of what happened. What was going on in your mind at that point in time?" and really just dig into the conversation to get a better idea as to which- excuse for reason - it is.

Thanks. Just realizing that I’m not a mean awful person for thinking this is helpful. She’s a grown woman now (27) so that does complicate it a bit but I like your “What was going on in your mind at the time?”

Children that were abused tend to have a very distorted way of hearing things.Just imagine,a parent who is suppose to love and protect you hurts you in unimaginable ways.Perhaps tell her how brave and strong she is for doing so well.Its frustrating,I have those moments when I just want to scream to move on.My daughter had so many opportunities to tell us and I never understood why she let it continue.Even now she uses it as an excuse," well I act that way because I was abused" " I can't do that because I was abused".It's almost like she needs it to define who she is.Is she still in therapy? It will help her to see that she can move on.She might not even know how to live without abuse.Its a long,long road.Hugs

Still in therapy. I doubt she even realizes she does it. And like most people who were abused, she has love, approval and enthusiasm all mixed up so I have to tip toe on eggshells when these kind of things come up - and thats not my inclination.

I walked on eggshells for a couple years! It's exausting

Part of my daughter's therapy was trying to help her reframe the narrative of what happened to her to focus on her resliency and strengths--I don't know if they have worked on that yet or gotten to that point with your daughter or not. I know she wrote something in response to a journaling prompt, to the effect that when she meets adversity in the future, she can tell herself, "I survived sexual assault, I can survive this too." I don't know if there's any way to frame it somehow similar to that for your daughter or not. I'm sure it depends a lot on what was going on, her mood at the time, whether in some way hidden to you it was somehow related to the abuse, etc. Back to the eggshells I guess.

Honestly, I see a lot of that type of thing with "some" of the younger generations, My sons are 20 and 23. My step-daughter is 25. Whether there was abuse or not.
I'm a Gen X'er, raised by a WW2 Vet, who passed when I was 16, and a Mother who had major depression issues and who decided to take off with her ex and get married while I was in Scotland for foreign exchange when I was 17.
Therefore, I was on my own at 17....and I'm a CSA survivor myself (by a teenaged babysitter)
I guess some might think I'm mean, but the reality is, the world isn't gonna coddle any of them. Their future bosses, don't care (and shouldn't have to) about their personal issues from back in the day "causing them to be late" They are there to do a job and be on time for it.
Time for them to learn, you gotta do, what ya gotta do to make it in this world, they can't expect everything to be smoothed over for them.
In the end, we all have our issues to deal with.

Hadn’t thought about it that way. There is something to that.