I know there are people here who have it worse but this is me and my situation.... 

So when we found out about my daughter being abused by my ...father... we reported it in TN where we lived because it had happened there but we also reported it in two different counties in OH because abuse happened there as well. Well through the whole process we were told that he would be charged in all three locations. He would be charged in OH first, because my niece was also abused and her parents (my sister and brother in law) also reported it in one of the counties we reported it in, and then he would be charged in TN. We assumed and our assumptions were confirmed by one of the Victim Advacates that he would be charged in OH then transfered to TN to be charged and then sent back to OH to serve his sentence there and then he would be transfered to TN to serve his time there. Well he was charged in in the second county in OH in aug/sept 2017 timeframe. Months passed and our investigator and us were playing phone tag but I ended up giving up because we were getting our house ready to sell, packing up to move across the country, getting to our new home and gettting settled so I didn't think much about not hearing anything from TN about his court dates. I gave it alot of time after we got here thinking that a letter was taking longer to get to us because of the address change. Well still we never heard anything from TN and another family in our community in TN going through the same thing who reported after us is gearing up for court. Well I decided I would try to call the Victim Advocate in TN instead of our investigator. I was transfer to three different people which in my gut I knew it wasnt a good thing. Finally I am tranfered to a lady who can tell me something, sort of. She tells me Jason has been put on Hold meaning TN cant transfer him from OH to charge him. She can't tell me why he has been put on hold, not even hint to me why. I was on the way to meet up with my husband really quick before I left post. Well I get to his office and I go in to tell him what I just found out. (I cried the whole way from the chapel I was at to his office). He asks me if I was crying and I said yes. We talk about it alittle bit and he says well maybe he is on hold because he was beat up and raped and is in medical or something. That saddly excited us both thinking about that which makes me feel like a terrible terrible person. Then I said I should call OH. Well I met up with him so we could smoke together before I went home. Well we walk outside and he says my word it is so cold I cant do this. I said ok fine then I'll just leave then. I was pretty upset with him because he either a. wasnt feeling the same way I was about this new information b. he just acted like meh its whatever at least he is in jail or c. i didnt feel like he was really there for me when all i wanted is just for him to hug me and hold me. I dont so I left. I went to Hobby Lobby which is usually my happy place. When I pulled in I looked up the number for the OH Victim Advocate to ask her if she knew why he was hold. Well turns out he is on hold because he HAS to serve his time in OH because he can be sentenced in TN. That was such a shock and it has been devistating to me. I broke down on the phone a few times with her just blabbering about breaking a promise to my daughter and blah blah blah.....

I just feel like we are breaking a promise to our daughter because we promised her that she would be able to write him a letter and it would be read to him in court. Well we waited to do that in TN because that would be the last sentencing. By the time he is sentenced in TN (if he doesnt die first) my daughter will be 34 years old. The Advocate said she could write a letter and they could send it to the proale board and they could read it to him. He isnt eligible for proale. I also feel like my closure has been stolen from me. I was going to let it all go as soon as we walked out of the court room in TN. I was going to say thats it its done he is getting what he deserves. That has been taken from me without my knowledge or even the slightest heads up. I feel so broken and ugh... Its just something else to add to the list of shit I am trying to figure out on my own. Like how to grieve the lose of a parent who isnt dead. How to deal with the resentment i feel towards my mom because of things she said and didnt say while all this was coming out. How to deal with feeling so freaking alone in this whole freaking situation. I am so lost and so alone. I am so sick of it. 

I was suppose to meet a new friend at WalMart last night for a mom date (cuz we fancy) but with the confusion of her not saying yea she would want to go I ended up not going. I am wanting to lie and tell her I found some family information and I just shut down. I mean that isnt really a lie but it isnt why i didnt show up last night. I think part of me wants to talk to a friend about it but i really dont want to rehash everything with someone new. i am just so over all of this and just want to disappear and forget about all of this for like a week. I hate feeling like i am failing my daughter and my husband and my boys. I am just so over it all. I tried to go talk to a counslor yesterday about all of this and i was just everywhere i had no clue what i was saying or what she was saying! 

I love this group but i am not on my computer as i was before. I just want a local support group of moms who can be like girl i know i felt like that too. girl you arent being crazy you are doing the best you can and just hug me and let me ugly cry all of her shirt. 

ugh i hate i hate i hate i hate i hate this!!! All of this i just want it to disappear and i wish i could be more like my daughter who doesnt think about it and just forgets about it. why cant it be that freaking easy for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im over it... i hate feeling so alone in this. 

((and to clarify my husband isnt not some jerk of a heartless husband. we are just different people who handle things differently. He is able to dive down rabbit holes and deal with things and talk his way through thing where i cant do that because my emotions just take over me. he is very supportive and such a fixer that whats to help but i have so much going on in my heart and mind that i cant think of just one thing at a time it all just comes out and i get overwhelmed and then i just shut down. my husband is amazing with all of this craziness and the extra craziness i bring into our life)) 

not sure if any of this really makes sense but this is me. This is where i am... i am lost in my own head and just as confused. All i want to do is sleep and cry, just lay on the bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure out how to go away to my happy place. 

I hate Jason!