Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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bonnieboo11 02/29/2016

So MIL at it again. Told my husband yesterday that she will be hiring a lawyer for perp(her grandson).We already knew that.She went on to say she cant understand why this is happening,it only happened once and does not believe anything else happened,no locked in a room,no threats,no ongoing grabbing the butt.She said he was under distress because his father died but I found out it happened 1 year before he died.She does not believe it.She cant understand why my daughter had to tell her school counselor.And the kicker she told him she thinks I was sexually abused as a child and I am living through my daughter to get revenge! WTF!To assume something like that,to even utter those words disgusts me.How dare she. And she considers herself a Christian! Favortism has always been shown and up until now we have shielded our daughter but no more,she needs to see her grandmother for who she is,

mobley4100 02/29/2016

I would highly advise you to have no more contact - she is obviously going to support the perp and you don't need that negativity. You need to focus on being there and supporting your daughter. It is hard to let go, but sometimes that is what you have to do. Continuing to have contact will just give fuel for the lawyer and something you say could potentially be used against you. I would encourage your husband to also cease any contact. Believe me, I think all of us here know how hard that is - but it doesn't sound like it is going to get any better. I wouldn't drag her through the mud where your daughter is concerned. My daughter understands that we don't talk to our perp's family because "he didn't tell the truth" and it is our job to keep her safe and being around him and his family is not safe. Good luck - it will be a long road and you need to stay calm to help your daughter.

96Percent 02/29/2016

I 10000% agree w Mobley4100
Sorry to be blunt - but (I've had this happen to me too) people don't love you as much as you love them. In other words - you are extending yourself wayyyyy too much for MIL. Once you can see this about yourself, you can see how it's truly okay to give up on her - which you need to do like yesterday.
And the stay calm is an under statement. It's hard for us outraged moms to be calm at times like this - but it's sooooo what you need to do.
I'm so sorry for you. You have a good heart - but too good and you think other people think as nice as you do - but they don't.

bonnieboo11 03/01/2016

I am too nice, but I am also not trusting,I learned many years ago to not trust. Her and I have always butted heads because she is so use to people giving into her but I dont,she is not queen of the world and I do not live my life to please her.She has always been treated like a queen by her family,which is why her and my husband do not get along,he does not give in to her B.S. I have never known such a f#%@ed up family in my life,oh the stories I could tell you,it's a wonder my husband is even semi normal

lusks1 03/01/2016

I might upset some people with this comment but it is the truth.

All family members that support our abuser are dead to us. My husband considers himself an orphan. He has lost 3 brothers, sisters in law, nieces and nephews, etc.

I wish it were as easy for everyone else to cut them off as it is for me.

lovesmama 03/01/2016

As you know, I have cut off my own mother and father and brothers... I have no interest in having a relationship with anyone who does not 150% support me and my daughter...!!! And to be completely honest, we are way better off without them in our lives...!!! Cut all ties with them, you will not regret it I promise you, and I am sure your daughter will be appreciative of you doing this on her behalf...!!!

heartsadx3 03/03/2016

When I started getting reports back from my brothers like you that is when I realized there was no point it only caused additional emotional stress I just didn't need in that moment. I have been much better off since I have cut ties with those supporting my mom and step dad (perp). I'm thankful I Don't have to hear the hurtful comments and speculations. I heard enough and had enough. The dont deserve the right to cause additional harm to what we have already suffered. I can't control what they say or think, not an I responsible for it, I can control what I let in and I choose to set very strong boundaries around that. If anyone tries to pass on information I try to kindly stop them and redirect the conversation. In not trying to be mean and uncaring but I am recognizing it is toxic to my soul. I'm responsible for that. So as much as it is up to me I keep it far from me. I have plenty that keeps me up at night if I let it. Right now I'm Praying that I can be willing to let go of what I already know and to let go of the anger and toxic feelings. Take my life back One day at a time.

mobley4100 03/03/2016

@heart - so true. I have a bad habit of being nosey - and found a couple of quotes about "only hearing one side of the story" on my sister's pinterest board - and I know she is nosey and gets on mine. So last night, I searched and realized you can also block people on pinterest (I have already blocked her on FB and instagram as well as all of her family and a cousin who is supportive), so I blocked them all on pinterest too. Out of my life, I don't need the drama, the heartache or the toxicity. Because I went to my mom before I went to her (because I didn't know what to do), she feels like I was trying to make her and her family look bad and I have done things to be vindictive...she has no idea how much restraint I have shown not shouting to everyone in my family - because if I wanted to be vindictive, I certainly could. Anyway - rant over! Get the drama and stress out and live your life as happy as you can, considering what we have all been through.

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