Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

So I have been told....

maDeLo
maDeLo

My oldest sister told me weeks ago that she reported her abuse when we were younger because she was afraid it was happening to me as well. She told me a story from when I was about 4 years old. She said she was watching us (my other sister and brother) and she had gotten me ready for bed and was saying goodnight to me when I started crying and freaking out asking her not to leave me because "daddy was going to come back in." Well I did the stupid thing and looked up the symptoms of child abuse in adults and what the many lists I read said and what I have thought and dealt with in my life are very very very similar. I told this to my counselor and she said that my homework was to on the way home that day to look for every Ford F150 I could find. She said if you are looking you are going to find it. I settled with never knowing if my uncomfortable feeling around y father growing up was caused from him abusing me. I was fine. But I have had alot of time to think... I want to know. I dont know what it will do to me and know may not vaildate my anixety and depression issues and it would proably not do anything for me except I would know. BUT i would ten to one never get a real answer from him if I were to ever ask......... I just wish there were some way of knowing for sure. So I could deal with or just forget about it one or the other.... 


Also he has decided to take 16 years in prison for pleading guilty to rape and gross sexual... impossion... I was not happy about that when I first heard about the 16 years. I thought THATS IT?!!?!?! but he still has two more counties to go through before this is all done and said. Also his mother has decided that this whole situation is my sister's and my fault for not keeping our ( i cant even repeat what she called them) daughters away from him......... Yes my 9 year old neice and my 8 year old daughter brought this on themselves starting all the way back to the age of 4 and 5. They were asking for it and it is our faults.... never his fault... just ours. I can understand her support him and being there for him as his mother but dont you dare put this on my daughter!!!!! 


I am now fatherless and grandmotherless.... (on earth I know my really and forever Father is waiting for me in Heaven)

heartsadx3
heartsadx3
I was told something similar by my counselor in the framework of I may not have all the memories of everything that I've experienced but I can trust that God will bring the ones I need in order to heal to light. It seems as this is what has been given to you and to dismiss it because you don't have his statement is being unfair to you. You have your gut feelings and now this information along with symptoms and the fact he has left a multitude of victims in his wake that would be enough for me. The reason it helped me to know events that caused symptoms is for one explained to me why I struggled and that helped me to put those struggles to rest so to speak.

As for your grandmother I'm very very sorry for her ignorant and hurtful words. Be sure to guard heart in regards to her and things she might say try not to be in the loop of her opinions thru other people. Either speak to her yourself or tell the gossip you would rather not know. Nothing good will come of it for you and that is the last thing you need. Surround yourself with true loving people who support you. Hugs. I'm sorry you are going thru this truly.
maDeLo
maDeLo
i feel terrible because my oldest sister (she is my half sister (abusers daughter) and she just stopped coming around when we were younger because he was abusing her) lives with our grandmother and i feel she needs to vent sometimes about the things she says. She is crazy and there is no way of blaming this on her dementia and i know nothing she says is true. At this point i feel sorry for her because my siblings and i feel his lawyer and he are not being honest with her. She believes he is in a hospital getting the help he needs and he will be out sooner than 2032........ i want to reach out but I dont know when i should. It would just be to tell her I still love her and want to help to support her from afar and that i am praying for her and leave it at that but again i dont know how that would be recieved so i am waiting until god screams MOVE at me... lol
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
Speaking as one who, blessedly, was never sexually abused as a child, I have never, ever experienced the sense of being afraid that one of my parents would enter my room. Yours was not a response I would expect from a child who had no reason to fear a parent.

As for 16 years -- NO amount of time in jail will ever fit this crime. But 16 years is infinity compared to the justice most survivors see. If I'm correct, few in this group have even seen the inside of a courtroom as we have dealt with the impact of the sexual abuse of our children. Most of the perpetrators still walk free. Thank you for getting one bad guy off the streets, even for a while!