Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hi there i haven't posted in a while.
I'm angry right now which is a new emotion towards all of this. My daughter accused my husband of assault, who I've been with for her whole life.she disclosed in a journal I was snooping around in. It's historic from when she was 5 she is now 12.
I feel jealous and angry because the posts on here are about the man admitting guilt or jail sentences. And I did all the right steps and nothing came out of it. He denies it, she won't even talk about it it with me. I try to just not talk about itand be patient.
I moved out with her and she just wants to go over to her dads all the time she misses her brother and sister, my step kids, and her dad and the house. But I moved for her because that's what I was supposed to do. And I believe her then I don't believe her then I do. But I always show to her I do.
I was doing just fucking fine. And then it comes out that she wants to move back wich in my head because I pushed the abuse so far back,seems like a good idea but this all hits right now, all the pain I felt in the summer everything. I never get to know the truth it's between God, her and my husband. NO ONE IS TALKING!
I took time off work and im going back in a couple days and I was doing so well but in this moment I'm so angry! Like why can't she just talk about it why can't she just confirm or deny or get mad etc. She just doesn't but she says she wants to move back and misses her dad!?!!!
It seems like everyone on here has gotten a confession or the perp is in jail or court, and that's not my reality. My daughter won't even fully disclose she didn't tell me about the abuse I read it in her journal which was the only page written on. She was super fucking mad at her dad because he took her fone away. She was hanging around this chick who came from a messed up home and now lives w her grama. My daughter even said like a week before I found the journal that her friend is depressing because she talks about shitty stuff her dad did to her. Like so I think ok she's lying. And she's mad.
But then it's like... Why would she lie she wouldn't lie.
But she lies all the time. And when I've read her diary now, and before Like 75% of the time she's lying, Like wtf is she lying to herself. And i mean she's just writing random stuff not about abuse... Like this boy likes her, or she went to this place or etc. Etc. And i know its a lie. Like ffs man.
So I was doing just fine with everything I stopped crying everyday. But this is so fucked up. And I want to relate everyone on here but I just have a hard time
Like why am I the only one that has a partial disclosure, that goes no where w police, who say its up to me what I wanna do and didn't even talk to my husband. Why isn't anyone else majorly struggling to split the family. Why doesn't anyone else talk about not it believing their kid?
I believe her and I don't. I believe her and I just can't, and now im back into that fricken rabbit hole of hell. I was doing just fine.
No doubt in my mind she's experienced trauma. I just wish I was aloud to know for sure if it was my husband. I just wish she would talk about it.
I feel really alone when it comes to this.
I'm sorry your full of so much anger now. None of us will ever know the whole truth -- maybe our children can't remember it all, and maybe they don't want to upset us. A victim's fear is the best cover a perpetrator can ask for.
Feel your feelings. Support your daughter. It's hard to be the custodial parent, because children often idealize the parent who doesn't do the disciplining (usually the noncustodial parent). TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You come first, so that you can lead your daughter in self-care, self-esteem, etc.
As a child victim i know my ideas about what the abuse did to me were or what that meant about my step dad or what i had to worry about just didnt register. My life was school and wanting a happy family. I could keep everything else down. I had anger issues trust issues boundary issues but not til i was an adult and in counseling could i pinpoint all those things.
Coping mechanisms in kids are strong. Focus on what you know and what you know to be right. Say i know you want your dad and i together and its hard at times we lost something and that takes time to work through but we've gained something too. A safe place for us. A safe place for you and for right now that is where we are.
I had to take my kids from their grandparents it was hard to hear them miss them, to want to talk to them see them. It was hard, nobody wins. So sorry. Our perp was never prosecuted and gets to prey on other kids. Makes me sick every day.
I left my ex for other reasons not even knowing what he was doing to my daughter. My daughter told me 2 years after I divorced him. I called the child services and filed a police report. My ex denied everything to the police and I had no proof. He got away due to lack of evidence.
I got her counselling and have tried to support her. Telling her none of is her fault. Trying to be there for her no mater what.
She is 17 now and she hates me. She blames me for everything. Blames me for not noticing the signs, for not protecting her, for not being there for her when she needed me. She tells me I don't deserve to be her mom. She tells me every mean word you can think. She says it's my turn to suffer for what she went through. She is trying to punish me through her words and actions.
I honestly didn't know what was going on. I thought I was protecting them. I thought I was doing everything right. But now I feel lost, hopeless. Our relationship is too broken and I feel like it well never be fixed.
I have told her many times how sorry I am for what happened. I tell her that I blame myself for not noticing and not protecting her. What should I do? I am running out of options.
I totally know what you are saying it is a picture of my life with my son,
I did everything I could. When he disclosed I took him to the Police, hospital, then to therapy, you name it I did everything you were supposed to. But like you there wasn't enough evidence , he got a charge of assaulting a minor, not even anything about the sexual abuse. I jumped up in court and said stuff is missing there's way more her that needs to be addressed. My lawyer said let me handle this. Yeah well a big nothing happened he got a assault to a minor and a fine. whoopppie what does that do. I put up with the anger and crap After I took him everywhere. Then when he became a teenager he got angry at me and it got worse. Now he's an adult and he won't talk tome , won't take an email blocked me off of his facebook acct. He moved and I don't know where and it's all my fault for doing everything I could. I tired to take away all the issues , so he wouldn't have to deal with them. but what do I get from it. Anger , abuse, and put downs. I changed my whole life to protect him and that's the thanks I get. it is so hard, I feel your stories they touch my heart . thank you for sharing. Gentle gus Casey
All I have left is hope now. I just hope and pray that my daughter forgive. I just want my daughter back.
....:(