Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I don't even know where to begin or how to explain.
Everyone here knows how these perps manipulate and twist things to turn family against you... OK, for the safety of MY children I will put up with turning my mother, my sister, aunts, uncles etc against me. Yes mother, grandmother you can curse at me you can ostracize from family and lie about why me and my children quit going to family functions. But for the LOVE OF GOD I do not understand why my cousin who said she supports me and my children would allow her 6 year old son to start visiting!!!
Mind you my son disclosed in 2007 (he was barely 8). For a little insight. My sister and her husband (child-molester) would never associate with my cousin and her immediate family as they were not of (how do I put this) the same social class. They did not want to be embarrassed by being seen with someone they considered to be of lower class. My sister and her husband turned down every invitation to my cousins regardless of the reason or celebration and refused to ever invite them for anything and was not ashamed to tell the rest of the family that she did not want to be associated with what she considered trash. Flash forward 7 years and my cousins 18 yr old son passes away. They wait nearly a year until my cousins youngest son is almost 6 yrs old and start extending heartwarming invitations making special remarks as to how much my cousins youngest son would love to come over and she must bring him. Now my still grieving cousin is taking her youngest son over regularly.
I suspect he is about the age my son was when my BIL started to groom him. THIS JUST SICKENS ME!!! My grieving cousin cannot connect the dots. They refused to have anything to do with her for more than 20 years and now they are playing all chummy to the grieving mother. There's no way to get through to my cousin. She is so grieve stricken (rightfully so) and in a state of depression after losing her other son last year that she is just blank inside. I've talked to many who have said the same thing I'm seeing. Blank stare and emotionless, she has shut down and quit eating, she now weighs less than 85 pounds and has quit answering her phone. She's in such a dark place I can't even be mad at her. I'm just heartbroken thinking about what might be happening to her son.
Everyone here knows how these perps manipulate and twist things to turn family against you... OK, for the safety of MY children I will put up with turning my mother, my sister, aunts, uncles etc against me. Yes mother, grandmother you can curse at me you can ostracize from family and lie about why me and my children quit going to family functions. But for the LOVE OF GOD I do not understand why my cousin who said she supports me and my children would allow her 6 year old son to start visiting!!!
Mind you my son disclosed in 2007 (he was barely 8). For a little insight. My sister and her husband (child-molester) would never associate with my cousin and her immediate family as they were not of (how do I put this) the same social class. They did not want to be embarrassed by being seen with someone they considered to be of lower class. My sister and her husband turned down every invitation to my cousins regardless of the reason or celebration and refused to ever invite them for anything and was not ashamed to tell the rest of the family that she did not want to be associated with what she considered trash. Flash forward 7 years and my cousins 18 yr old son passes away. They wait nearly a year until my cousins youngest son is almost 6 yrs old and start extending heartwarming invitations making special remarks as to how much my cousins youngest son would love to come over and she must bring him. Now my still grieving cousin is taking her youngest son over regularly.
I suspect he is about the age my son was when my BIL started to groom him. THIS JUST SICKENS ME!!! My grieving cousin cannot connect the dots. They refused to have anything to do with her for more than 20 years and now they are playing all chummy to the grieving mother. There's no way to get through to my cousin. She is so grieve stricken (rightfully so) and in a state of depression after losing her other son last year that she is just blank inside. I've talked to many who have said the same thing I'm seeing. Blank stare and emotionless, she has shut down and quit eating, she now weighs less than 85 pounds and has quit answering her phone. She's in such a dark place I can't even be mad at her. I'm just heartbroken thinking about what might be happening to her son.
heartsadx3
Just lost my longer response but I know how you feel I have both my brothers fine with having their daughters one almost the same age as my daughter was when he abused her around the perp. My family also supports him and I am the outcast as of now. But I'm not giving up hope that God will bring this around somehow. I can't see any reason why I just know that He can and if it isn't happening now than it is for me in this season to be on my own and there are other relationships out there for me. I was actually feeling discouraged tonight for the same reasons worrying about the children that could be hurt. Those I haven't told yet in the more extended family that have children. You've done your part now the parents have to do theirs and you don't have the say and it sucks. Stay focused on the positive in your life and for your own son. Pray that your cousin wakes up to the danger and sees through the facade of your BIL. I know that unless something changes in my family he will get to the other grand daughters it's only a matter of time but there is absolutely nothing I can do and I've done everything I could do. All I can do now is chose to focus on my family and the good that is there or it will just steal all the joy that i have and deserve to have with my own family. I wish that I could somehow understand what these so called family members are thinking by not recognizing the danger and how anyone could be so neglectful is truly beyond me. But the perps are very good very very very good at what they do. So I'm going to try to refocus also and I hope you can as well. If you have someone who is an informant and gives you the daily digest of news in your family I would unsubscribe immediately. It isn't worth torturing yourself with such information. They've taken enough I know. Far more than anyone should take from another person. They've made their choice for now and the consequences are on them. But as for you and your family your path goes another way and your destiny is still in front of you and your son to do with this life every good thing planned for you to do. Don't let them take that from you also. Blessings.
todayisgood
Many Hugs!
Naive1
I'm sure you've laid it all out for your cousin. You're right, she is too sick herself to see that this hearty welcome is not for her sake, or for that of her young son, but for the abuser's sake. Is there any way you could keep this little guy at your house when your cousin feels too overwhelmed to entertain him? If not, you can't feel guilty. I'm sorry for your loss.
cathymathy
This is very sad....I held onto the "truth will set us free" and still do today...everyone has to find their own truth even when it hurts....I say this because I believe there comes a time to make the attempt to help other victims before the perp repeats....if they can't handle it then you know in your heart you have done the right thing. For me that was very important, if the truth is rejected than so be it. It is no longer your battle for them. Peace and best wishes for your family.
woulddoitagain
Very sound words everyone. I just needed to get it out. Thank you for letting me vent!
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