You survive because you have to. I was lost in a fog for first few months were the worst. I think the hardest thing is realizing you can’t fix it and until now I mostly could fix things that came up. But not this. I had to surrender that and place trust in the professionals the counselors to help restore and heal and that it takes a long time. I dealt with changing counseling after one therapy didn’t work to my daughter having two more that did better for her and horse therapy I really enjoyed even for a short time.

I had to channel my energy into helping my child and I be well. I had to let go of what wasn’t serving me. The anger took years to deal with and still it comes if I dwell.

You aren’t alone and what happened should never never happen and I’m so sorry it did. I pray the pos faces consequences whatever that is. Most important though take care of you post you most angry thoughts your guilty thoughts ooooh the guilt that’s a hard one but no matter how you feel you aren’t to blame. You didn’t know and you’d never knowingly let your child be hurt none of us would. The blame 100% is with the person who chose to break the law commit a crime that hurt your child and others I’m sure. I’m glad she told you many don’t until much later very common and is just how kids cope. Some talk some don’t. My daughter told me and her therapist and hasn’t spoken of it sense. Right or wrong now is when your daughter can handle it and heal. Huga

I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but very glad you reached out here for support. There's no way you could have known, offenders are very good at what they do, very secretive, sneaky, conniving, manipulative, deceitful, etc. We aren't normally familiar with any of that.

Your daughter is to be praised for telling, and you did the right thing in reporting it. Now the focus needs to be on how to move forward toward healing. You may want to look into taking your daughter to a child advocacy center where they can give her appropriate therapy, or since you reported this, you are eligible for therapy through your state's victims of crime compensation office. I would recommend seeking some counseling for you too.

My sons were almost 19 when they disclosed to us, and since they were adults, we couldn't do anything for them except love and support them, and look things up online to send to them for resource info. The offender was a good friend of the family who was a teacher. We had to find new activities to do and new traditions to create. We adopted a rescue pup that helped a lot as well.

Sending you many healing thoughts and prayers, {{{hugs}}}

Hi Bandmom5,

Thank you for the response. I was wondering if you can give me information about finding an advocate. I contacted RAINN she has a counselor and I have a therapist but other than that, I am clueless. Any information you have would be helpful.

Thanks

Thank you guys for the support and understanding. I am just not sure what I am supposed to be doing for her now.

So sorry this has happened to you too. So many of us have felt so many of the same things. You're not going crazy; you are reacting in a human way to a really crazy thing that happened to your daughter. A good resource is mosac.net (Mothers of Sexually Abused Children), lots of empathetic and helpful informatio there.

The police should have info on child advocates,they are so important because they support the child all the way through the court process,they usually also have legal advocates free of charge.

Hello, I posted in March because my son had been arrested. It is a foreign land to me. What you are going through isn't. All 3 of my sons were molested at young ages by different men. All 3. I didn't learn of it until they were all adults and each had come to me on their own. If that doesn't get the guilt flowing nothing does. I'm not going to lie and tell you that time will fix it, because it won't. What it will do is help you navigate it better and not let it overwhelm you at odd times and you will get to sleep again. As far as your daughter talking with you, I have had to remind myself through it all, that it is not about me, so I will wait until anyone them is ever needing to talk about it with me. I went to a counselor to work through my own guilt and needs, so I wouldn't feel so needy with my sons. The youngest spoke to me first when he was 22 years old. Then his brothers followed. Get counseling for yourself and take your daughter's lead for now. Maybe what she will agree to is counseling, in fact she needs it, but that will be up to you two to talk about. Life moves forward and so will you and especially so will she.

Brok3n2018, I have no wisdom greater than what has already been posted. I remember feeling exactly as you do seven years ago; it was the worst time in my life. It has gotten better. MUCH better. Come here absolutely as often as you need to express your feelings. They will surprise no one here; we can all relate, and offer support. I still think of my support system here as the best friends I never met.

Look, my adult daughter never wanted me to know the gory details. She said the same thing ....she just didnt want me to have those images of her in my head. Consider it a sign of love - not distrust. Unfortunately, these girls are far older than their years.

Broken, sorry I didn't see your question to me until now. I think you can get an advocate through a child advocacy center. If you do an online search for "child advocacy centers (your state)" you should get a link to a list and can see which one is closest to you. I also think you can get one through your state's Victim of Crimes Compensation Office.

Stay strong mama! Your babies need you. Try to remember your love for them outweighs the hate you have for her abuser.