I just found out myself two days ago so I don't really have anything helpful right now to say, just that I know how horrible it feels. I feel like I failed my kids so much. I keep trying to look back at signs I missed, how could this happen and I didn't know. My heart is so broken. The pain is horrible and I'm trying to hold it all together for my son, and I don't know if I can. I'm going to find a therapist as soon as possible for myself, he's in a mental hospital for at least a few more days. I'm so scared.

The pain that we as mother's feel.ia unreal. I didn't Know that this much pain could even exist. Sorry that you are going through this
The first two days were the hardest for me. I have thought back many times thinking about signs that I must have missed. The thing that I have learned is that you can't see the signs because you would never believe that the person you loves could be this way. Everyone keeps saying to stay strong and don't let my kids see me upset but that's impossible. Are you able to get a restraining order and move out order so that when he gets out you are protected. Definitely get a therapist. This is the hardest thing you are going to go through. I am hopeful that this support group will help me cope because I am so broken and I feel so lost.

It's really complicated, my son was living with my ex husband. He'll be coming with me when he gets out of the hospital, but we'll it's a long long story that's truly traumatic and he might be facing charges also. He's coming up with different stories every time I talk to him. He's been vaping weed I guess pretty heavily so his mind is super confused about what has or had not happened. I truly believe him that someone did molest him, but he's really confused. It's so effing awful.

So sorry you are going through this. I can understand why your son is vaping. This is probably a copong mechanism that he has been using to get through it. Just keep telling him that you are proud of him for coming forward and that you believe him . Definitely get therapy for you and him. This is a horrible traumatic thing that has happened. The more support the better. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, it's just a suggestion. I don't understand how these men can hurt their own children.

I am so sorry this happened to you girls. I believe you are on thr right path and you are doing great so far. You are a strong women and for thay your girls will be strong women. I know it is just words right now and definitely easier said then done but hang in there and exhale all that toxic. I am so glad he is no longer in your lives. You are not alone. Even though our situations arent the same... i too am experiencing the pain and angry of being betrayed by a trusted family member. My uncle molested my 6 year old daughter and i found out a couple of months ago and i feel helpless and im an awful mothrt because i havent searched for thr support that i now realize we need. I think its more me then her? Kids are so resilience. Shes physically okay... he is out of our lives forever and i regret not facing him. I dont wish to face him and hear anything he has to say. Lets just say j was afraid to kill him. Its all i think about all freaken day. I dont trust anyone let alone family anymore... ESPECIALLY, since everyone chooses to be silent. Its so hard. I can oy image how you feel.

It is a horrendous feeling to know that someone you lovedvwas actually a monster. I would never have thought that my own husband could do this. I was molested when I was a child and I had talked to him extensively about it and how hard I was struggling mentally with it. He would tell me how evil my brother was (he was the one who molested me) and how my parents never made him responsible for his own actions. I look back at that conversation now and wonder what was going through his mind when we were talking about this since he was already abusing my daughter's at this time, I just didn't know it. I know he is where he deserves to be. I wanted to hurt him so bad when I found out but I know that him rotting in prison day after day will hurt him more than I could. I'm waiting for allmif the court stuff to be done for we can finally start the healing process. It's a long hard road but I know we can get through it. Your right kids are resilient. My girls have more strength than I have ever had. I'm so proud of them and I make sure to tell them that everyday. It's a horrible thing that has happened to all if us. I don't understand how people can hurt kids. I'm sorry for what you and your daughter have gone through. Has he already been sentenced?

So sorry you moms all have to be here and that you and your kids are going through this, but it's good that you found each other. I hope it will help to be able to walk this road together. The shock of finding out is truly unbelievable.

If any of you haven't found it yet, mosac.net has a ton of information, I'm sure more than you can digest now but a really good resource on what you're going through as moms.

I just have a moment for a quick check-in. As much as I hate to see another parent in despair, I am glad to see newcomers offering each other this vital support. I joined this forum 7-1/2 years ago when my 23-year-old daughter disclosed having been savagely, serially raped by a neighbor when she was eight. I'd had no clue, but suddenly everything made sense -- all the personality changes, struggles in school, myriad aches/pains, e.g., I had seen for 15 years. I think I've messed up the math somehow. In any case, please hold fast to this perspective:

You are NOT terrible mothers because you didn't know about the abuse and didn't know to protect your children. A horribly dysfunctional mother would have known and done nothing. Acknowledging this is an essential first step toward your own healing. That is not to say that you'll rid yourself of this intense sense of guilt in this one simple step. But it IS the first step in a process that can take a very long time.

I wish you could know NOW the peace that I do after a powerful struggle with guilt/fury/worry/desperation. I have faith that you will know it. Keep coming, keep posting. You need to be heard, and others need to hear that they are not alone.

Much love to you all.

Thank you so much for your kind words. The pain of all of this is unreal. I'm sorry your daughter went through such a horrific trauma. How is she doing now?

Thanks for asking. She went through a long, terrifying, dark stretch, but has emerged with a beautiful baby, a partner who loves them both, and a good relationship with her dad and me after all. We thought we would never be a close, loving family again.

Stick by your children. They will know they always have your support, and you will all come out better for it.

Please remember that all of our children have undergone horrific trauma. They all need exactly the same kind and amount (100%) of healing. It's a long process, whether our children were scarred by ritual abuse or a single (or was it?) sexual assault.

It is so hard to go through something like this. My daughter's were sexually abused over several years by their father. I never would have thought he would be the monster that he is. Tomorrow will be exactly one month since I found out about it. I can honestly say I have never felt this much pain in my whole life. I had their father arrested, filed a restraining order, filed for custody and filed for divorce. He is facing multiple life sentences for his crime thank God. I definitely know that this is going to take a long time to recover from. My daughter's have both been going through it mentally and emotionally. I keep telling them how proud of them I am for them coming forward. I am hopeful that with time and therapy, we will be able to get through this.
I'm very happy to hear that your daughter found happiness. It definitely gives me hope that my girls will as well.