I'm so sorry for you. Maybe you could ask an attorney about what your friend said? Is this friend saying that it could be considered parental alienation? There are lots of times when my husband could watch kids but I take them with me. Did you tell the therapist about the ninja story and that he said it was daddy? That story is so sad. He obviously has been told not to tell if he's acting that way. Children that young wouldn't know they needed to lie about it.

Yes, I wrote the entire ninja story out and gave to therapist this morning. :-( Not sure if she had time to read it before the session with my son, however it doesn't seem like it would matter if she had. She said this happens often, where there is a disclosure, but the child will not repeat story to therapist or whomever and the parent(s) is left in limbo. Feeling strongly that something happened, but not being able to prove it due to child not retelling and unable to ask more questions for fear of the child shutting down and never telling again?! This is what I got out of what she was telling me anyway. As I said, I was pretty upset. It's so unfortunate that telling a parent isn't enough. I will find out more about the parental alienation thing. Thanks for replying rmbadger! :-)

Did she give you any advice on what to do from here? It's such bullshit how professionals seem to leave families to just figure it out. If we had it figured out, why the hell would we be here?! I can say that in the year I've been going through this, I have been let down over and over by people who are here to help. The only advice I can really think to give you is to try and find someone experienced in child sexual abuse and maybe try some play therapy or something similar. My daughter would sometimes talk to her therapist about things she wouldn't share with me. I don't know if that is something you will be able to do because of the position it would put you in with your husband, but that is all I can really think of at the moment.

Unfortunately, sometimes children don't disclose anymore - I encountered a woman whose daughter was exhibiting classic signs, pulling out her hair, bed wetting - and she took her to the doctor where the daughter blurted out that her daddy had poked her butt. The pediatrician reported and the daughter did not disclose anything in the forensic interview. I think we all know here that more often than not justice is not served in these cases and the proper information is not brought to light. I also have a friend who went through this, and her husband lived in another state and was unfortunately not charged. She had to send her friends for visits for weeks at a time out of state - it terrified her, but she also told me that her x husband knew she would mortgage her life to get him charged if he ever touched her daughter again. I hope you are able to work something out in this awful situation.

rmbadger - She said that I should get counseling for myself for the anxiety and confusion I am feeling. She said that I need to try and keep the stress and tension to a minimum at home, with my husband, as this is also a reason children shut down and stop talking about the abuse. She was one of the best child sexual abuse therapist / play therapist in my area. :-(

I can tell you from experience that my 4 year old (disclosures all started when he was 3 1/2), basically refused to share anything and the only way I started knowing something happened to HIM was certain physical reactions to normal situations that were ABNORMAL. For instance, sitting on a friend's lap he began urgently trying to get their hands off his thigh even though it was a normal hold. And he let his baby brother play with him in the bathtub but got angry when I saw it. Another huge clue for my child was his nightmares...I would always ask him when he'd wake up if he wanted to share his dreams and even in his dreamy state he'd say "I don't want to tell you, mommy!" I was so excited (for lack of a better word) when he told me while dreaming that the guys were trying to hurt him with their bodies but he wasn't ready to share how and the next day he decided to finally share his dream and described guys trying to force his legs open to play with his privates! Another consistent dream trait has been him saying "noo noooo" a lot and himself portrayed as Buzz Light year while the perpetratorsecond are Darts Vader. So, just keep your ears/eyes open and ask about dreams or reactions to situationsee when they come up and hopefully sooner than later he'll tell again. Document everything but put the emphasis on staying safe and telling the truth no matter how scary it is. The forensic interview is what will lend credence to all your disclosures. Without it, they mean nothing. Hope the truth will come out soon! Don't give up!

I can second some of what warriormom said. My daughter started closing her legs tight when I would wash her in the bath and say it tickled. She would also expose her butt in a teasing kind of way when seeking attention. We had several talks about body safety and okay and not okay touch. Sadly, she never did disclose on her own. It wast until a family member walked in on it that she told. She was very upset because she didn't want to get her brother in trouble and he believed the threats he had made about us being mad, getting in trouble, etc. I think your gut is telling you what you need to know. Now comes the difficult task of proving it.

As far as keeping things normal and reducing tension, that's really a good idea but we all know it's hard to do. My daughter would feed off my energy a lot during that time. If I was upset, she was upset. She would shut down if she felt tension. Her nightmares would get worse and she would be clingy and sad. It's very hard to find a good balance of hiding intense emotion and letting your child see that it's okay to have feelings whether good or bad.

I can relate to every word you're saying. It's a problem for sure. It's not going to go well for you at first. There is no way to win. So you might as well err on the right thing to do as a mom 1st and second what is the best thing to do within the courts. It will likely get harder. My husband did EXACTLY what U said Ur husband may do - as U keep Ur kids to ur side while in the house w him, he will accuse PAS.
I will tell you right now - if you file for divorce do not EVER EVER EVER EVER consent to court forensic eval - there is no psychological profile of a perpetrator. Psychologists CAN NOT predict liklihood if someone is a perpetrator. Since it is more risky to their license to allege someone is likely to be a perpetrator and since the court forum is mostly men who think women are nice to have sex with but think all women are crazy... Ur going to set yourself up for disaster if you consent to a forensic evaluation. Have your attorney fight tooth n nail for no court psychology report - since there is no scientific, factual basis for psychologists to predict a perpetrator.
Don't hire a regular divorce attorney.
Hire a child abuse specialist attorney. Search high and low in Ur area or neighbor county to find an attorney who specializes in child abuse litigation.
Get established with a domestic violence counselor as they are more able to recognize the actions of an abuser. Don't go to just any counselor - they suck at recognizing abusers. Studies prove it.
What you do in these very sensitive moments at the beginning will VERY much determine how the rest of your case flows.

Something else I have learned
Perpetrators are personality disordered
You don't unleash an attack onto a personality disordered person unless you have so much proof there is no wiggle room for him.
Because if you fire too soon, their backfire will be 10000000x worse to get back at you.
So no professional with a license to protect is going to take the risk of a misfire.
So the investigator isn't discrediting your sons disclosure. Your counselor is essentially saying, "not on my license am I gonna go after this guy n call him a perp with this little supporting evidence"
The amount of disclosure your son gave is like asking the investigator to go after an angry gorilla armed with only a toothpick.

I had a difficult expierence with my first counselor who was well respected child play therapist even taught at a local college. She seemed like an answer to prayer. Fit every requirement I had etc. She also did not want to force any type of disclosure. I would send long emails with different things happening at home, that were said or done that I thought were related to the abuse. My daughter had alit of ptsd and she also referred to the perp her grandpa as a boneguy she refused to say it was grandpa. She was two when he started grooming and just three when he assaulted her. She described a pokie thing inside her butt. She also had nightmares. That therapist ended up making me feel like I was crazy and that I was the one with a problem. She didn't connect with my daughter and very soon my daughter didn't want to go. I had no idea what was happening in counseling what she was working on or goals etc, obviously I had no idea what to expect from child therapy.

The last straw was when she turned on me. I was devastated and so let down. I was in therapy for myself at the time even my therapist couldn't understand why this counselor was so unsupportive and unhelpful. I hated changing counselors but I did. I went with an agency that saw lots of youth and abuse. It wasnt a high cost therapist but they took state insurance and sliding scale which I was Leary of. To be honest I let the credentials of the last be equvilanr to getting the best which is what I felt my daughter deserved. This time it was completely different. I felt validated listened to... There was a plan she didn't need my daughter's story what I told her was enough. We did parent child interactive therapy which I really liked. This helped me reconnect and build and repair the bond with my daughter. I did have to insist on the trauma therapist after the therapy was finished to work on the specific abuse she was amazing. She gave my daughter all the tools she needed to deal with ptsd if she should expierence feelings etc how to handle them. She learned about how she was feeling to label feelings which is helpful for disclosing. She did several stories of abuse that were helpful for her to understand and she helped her make her own story. Through the whole process my daughter didn't actually talk about what happened but at the very end she did say it was grandpa and what he did. I couldn't believe it. This took many months of building trust for her to divulge. This counselor always treated me respectfully listened to my concerns let me talk things out with her. At one point she was not going to do the trauma work but she did.

It is very hard because as a parent you know your child better than anyone. I had to fight on a few things even with this better counseling outfit. But that first counselor was useless and a waste of time. I would say if she is already to quit you have the wrong person. Start looking around and don't be afraid of sliding scale places. There should be a plans and goals for the counselung, you should feel validated and listened to and if they try to make you doubt yourself then it's time to go. You should try to find counseling for yourself and I like the domestic violence suggestion. You are trying to traverse a very difficult road don't do it alone. You need as much support as you can get. Keep praying I know this is a test of faith and it's so hard when what we really need to happen doesn't happen. But it is encouraging that your boy opened up. I really think with the right person you will get the progress you want. I'm sorry but I don't think the counselor you have now is it. You want someone who won't quit on your kids.

You have a lot on your plate and You are doing the very best that you can. You aren't a robot and yes it is going to be emotional, yes there is a lot of stress, you are traumatized as well and you are doing the very best you can. Dont let her make you feel like you are the problem or you aren't helping things. You are doing everything you know to do and think you are an amazing mom doing an amazing job in a very difficult situation.

Oh and yes I had anger toward my daughter for not disclosing. It was hard to understand why she wouldn't talk about it and it left me feeling like the truth wasntbgoing to come out ... My step dad would have been subjected to further investigation and possibly prosecution of she had disclosed to the police. There were many negative things in my opinion to her not disclosing. But it isn't uncommon. I had to let go of justice happening in regards to my step dad. I had to just focus on my daughter. In your case this is harder and the stakes higher. Be persistent with the counseling. Realize it will take time. Continue journaling I've heard using a spiral bound journal keeping all pages in tack and journaling daily to be helpful, include other details about your day appts etc that could be verified along with things important to the abuse. I still think cameras and maybe a key logger program in your computers. My step dad was looking up child porn stuff on his computer. Predators preoccupy and plan part of the preoccupation could be child porn. This could be very important to the case and since you have the ability to do this look into it. Setting up cameras to record inappropriate things. I think they get off doing things in plain view just enough to leave you wondering and feeling yucky. My step dad felt my daughters chest while buckling her in. It made me feel sick but wasn't overt enough to be inappropriate not to mention I could not imaging a two year old girls chest being arousing. In so sorry you are dealing with this praying for a break through for you.

Ugh. Heartsad. Yeah. They do do inappropriate things in plain sight. But on camera, they do worse when they think no one is listening. DO NOT put any cameras in the bathroom, or you will be arrested the perp. But you can put them elsewhere. I was also careful not to put one where my daughter may change in front of.