Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I am the mother of two sexually abused children. The female was the primary victim by her stepfather and the male was the child of the abuser and a toddler at the time. I spent the last 21 years supporting my daughter and son in their needs to recover. I never really dealt with my feelings. I had them medicated. The abuser is up for parole in 3 years and I find this very unsettling for me. I worry about how it will affect my children and if it will bring back the feelings I never dealt with. I also have anxiety over all of our safety when he is out. I guess I was emotionally and mentally abused by him as well as his wife, but I never really allow myself to feel much because even though I too was hurt, my primary concern has been my children. I feel like they have to come first even though they are both well into adulthood. I am just really lost in all this right now. I have some fears about the fact that he is still wearing his wedding ring (I divorced him a few months after I filed the charges) and told me many times before the crime was brought to light that he would kill me if I ever took his son from him. I kind of feel stupid having these fears about me when they will be facing another change of life that will affect them both deeply. My goal has been to be there for them during these stages and not really focused on me.
YOU are a survivor, too, and I agree, it's time to acknowledge the ways this monster manipulated you into a lifetime of fear.
From what I hear, it's a difficult time to find a therapist taking new clients, but when I was dealing with the fallout of learning what my daughter had endured, I was grateful to have a person who would listen to my stories, and yet be focused on ME. Please get started with a search. You will surely find someone before the parole hearing, and it would be good to have a head-start on understanding your own trauma response, to deal with some triggers in advance! Start by asking your primary care practitioner for a referral. Two other resources, search engines for therapists near you, are
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
and
https://www.betterhelp.com.
Consider joining the Facebook page started by the founder of www.mosac.net: https://www.facebook.com/groups/499500870923726. If you are yet to consult mosac.net, please, please do. There is so much for you to learn about how this has affected YOU. It's a brilliant site.
The Facebook page links to Zoom chats. Here's the schedule:
https://acrobat.adobe.com/link/review?uri=urn:aaid:scds:US:83a351d1-3d6e-31fe-8ff2-045ef6c0e810
When the time comes, consider if you want a restraining order in place before the parole hearing (your kids may still be able to get one, too). A restraining order can also be established as a term of parole. This is legal self-care, a way to slap his ass back into jail for years if he even approaches you or the kids.
Sorry I don't have more time to chat today, but you have 1000% of my support and admiration. It's time to look out for you.