for sure my dad always said what does not kill you will make you stronger sure worked in my life. Hold on. You got friends here. hugs casey

Thank you CasMac....I am stuck between despair and fury

It just says wow what an awesome lady. She is such a SURVIVOR and her daughter is so very lucky to have her to look up too.

That is some shit. Before this I didn't swear. Now I'm at loss for the right word to express the biggest of feelings that other lesser versions sucks, to bad, hard, what have you just don't express.

Not only is it shit its unfair shit that you have to deal with.

There is in my mind no way to ease the absolute unfairness, injustice of what happened to me and what happened to my daughter especially that.

I used to believe you only got what you can handle.... Really. I can think of a dozen types of things that just doesn't apply to that statement. Who can handled their child being robbed of their right to be a child, to have a normal sexual development at the right time not a baby, one, two, etc. Or to have their child murdered or a child sold into sex traffic or lost to drugs.

There isn't a person born to handle that. The fact that you have breath means despite that shit you have to live. I had to find a way to survive. Not because I wanted to but because I knew I had to for my daughter. I had to because I couldnt imagine more being taken from her.

I once heard that sometimes you have people around to help but a whole lot of the time people will not help either won't. Can't, in some cases make it worse. So whole lot of the time its on you. That could not be truer for me. The help I did get was because I sought it out in the right place by going to counseling and recovery groups and putting in the work.

I'm sorry for what you are going through stick with us here weve all been thru or are going through some similar shit.

And God Bless because I was never meant to carry it but God does carry me through it. One day at a time.

#fouryearsandcounting

Heartsadx3........thank you thank you thank you.........I really get what you are saying......I am back here reaching out cos the facilities you have in the states don't exist in the Uk.....and certainly on the tiny Spanish Island I now live......my wonderful daughter is doing so well here......so we are going to stay, but I am so lonely......locked in my own hell.......I know I have to patient, and each year that goes by I will be a little better......I just feel I am wasting the gift of life on feeling utterly miserable

Crybaby,
I was in the same emotional spot you were just 6 months ago. Overwhelming feeling of loneliness...no real support...sadness/anger.

My entire life I've been abused by my family and during the last three to four years my oldest had cancer, my husband almost died of a pulmonary embolism, I lost my right to try for 9 months due to him unproved medical silliness during the time that my son had cancer and while I was pregnant with my last child, we almost lost our house because our finances were horrid, I had to confront my mother about the abuse that she continued to give to me and give her the ultimatum of her not being allowed in my life if she didn't listen for her to finally listen, how to deal with my husband getting angry with me for disclosing the sexual abuse that he did to me when we were teenagers which meant the only person I thought I could lean on build a brick wall for a Time, all the friends that I have been able to keep seem to always be too busy to spend time with me and I get to talk to them on the phone maybe once every couple months, and I've gotten to watch the monster family that tore my family apart parade itself around on Facebook and Instagram with what seems like a picture perfect family giving off the illusion that everything's great and always has been, and then someone stole our checkbook and committed identity theft by stealing all of our money for our bank account writing themselves a check. On top of all that are detective was jerk and totally disrespectful to my children and us and monster family got away with stabbing, beating up , picture taking , videotaping, raping, and teaching my children to lie to their parents about their own safety! My kids will always have the physical scars on their body and the emotional scars in their hearts and we still deal with a lot of PTSD issues but I've handed Justice over to God because I know that not even mad could touch the type of vengeance that this family needs for what they did to ours!

I share all this with you because I want you to know there are other people out there that have gone through a whole bunch of junk and got into the other side of what you're going through right now. My therapist did I have really focused on trying to get me to the point where I can accept my circumstances and push forward without being held back by the feelings of loneliness anger and sadness. And I am finally there! There was a time when every time something difficult occurred and I didn't feel like I had someone to talk to, I would break down and cry and wish I had a mother. I can finally accept that while I do have a mom she's just not a maternal mother. And I've been able to have a relationship with her and move forward and not be abused by her anymore and have her treat my children properly and not be depressed by the fact that I do not really have the ability to lean on her because she's basically a narcissist. I can't express to you how I got to this place other than the fact that I just processed through everything that's ever happened in my life and applied EMDR and lots of prayer to my healing, but it will happen for you also.

Have you looked into online therapy? I know there are sites that you can talk to a therapist through Skype for like as cheap as $50 a session. That might be helpful for you since you seem to need someone personal to walk you through this and to lean on. I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's not fun and nobody would wish this on their enemies but we are blessed because we do know what happened to our children and that means we have the ability to help patch the wounds while they're young so that they can grow up and have a chance at being healthy adults. So when you really get despairing remember that you're in a better place than you would be if you didn't know what was happening to your daughter. Be thankful for that.

Warriormomx5.......thank you thank you so so much for sharing this with me......I cried and cried as I read your words.......there is loads of stuff I haven't disclosed, but I think your life has been even worse than mine......I love you for understanding......I love you for making me feel like I am not alone......I am so glad I came back here.....I knew some you would make me feel 'normal'......like I usually feel like the freak.......thank you thank you thank you my friend xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It seem like the crime of sexual abuse to a child come with the feeling of longlines. As parents we feel alone and sometime children feel they are alone. I am a single parent and my son was abused by my male cousin. His mom was like a mother to me and his sister was my best friend/ and my son God mother. They were my support team, or so I thought. How quickly people turn on. However, I feel like it all for the best. My son wont be trigger by being around my aunt or cousin/best friend. If he associate them with his abuser. The fact that they hired lawyers and got away with it is a hard pill. However God is the final judge. I sometime feel like what a heck of a life sentence for a parent and our child to get.

Nobody here is ever alone...we are part of a sad club of parents who will always have the bond of understanding immeasurable pain that nobody else can get.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3