It is everywhere,in all families,in churches,in offices,in stores.1in 3girls and 1in 5 boys,and those numbers are based on the ones reported! It's a sad world but by talking about it we can hopefully make a difference.

hopefulmama I didn't know those stats.....I guess that they encompass a very broad spectrum, but even so, horrific........you know I do talk about it.....not just on here.........but I am usually met with horror and am avoided after that.......I cut my fb friends from hundreds to about 40.

I don't tell anyone either,I did once but never again.By talking I mean supporting and believing victims, voting for candidates that support victims and also judges that convict.i come here to give support because it makes me feel like I am making a difference and I actually feel better.i sometimes can't think about it because it gets so overwhelming,I tend to look around and know that someone I see is a victim,it's horrible.

The news has been so full of triggers in the past two years that it feels better to turn it off. And I do, sometimes, especially thinking about how many devastated families are struggling with the same feelings we have all experienced after disclosure (or discovery). I'm with hopefulmama regarding selecting leaders and judges carefully (in the US, we get to vote for many of our judges). On FB, I often comment on current cases in the news, and about the interrelatedness of sexual abuse and drug abuse, but I never say anything about how both have been central to my life. That's for my daughter to declare, if she wishes. My discretion is the last vestige of privacy I can offer my daughter.

Of course you are both right about 'speaking' out in a proactive way to promote positive change...........We can't vote for judges in the uk........the judge that directed the jury on my dd's case was later in our local paper........with a huge smiling photo.......for letting a confessed sexual abuser escape jail because he was a policeman of former impeccable character.........you can imagine how I felt........like you Naive I turn the tv off whenever there is anything about sexual abuse........in fact I got rid of the tv, I now stream what I want through my pc.......mind you I still get the ads.......there is one about reporting sexual harassment on public transport.........I wish I could be more like you two........you both sound so strong and positive........tbh I was struggling before any of this happened.........I had only just got my dd to school, so I hadn't had a break or been out more than 3 or 4 times in all 4 yrs.........now dd is with me all the time again being home edded as she struggled so horribly in school.......we also sleep together..........pls don't get me wrong I adore my dd with all my heart, but some-one said a beautiful thing to me once "Awwwww you two never have a chance to miss each other"

Strong and positive? Ha! We are not! I think I can speak for Naive1.2 when I say most days we are just going through the motions,we have learned to push it way down.i also have intense anger,for a long time after I was so angry I say and plotted how I could hurt him and my mother in law who stood beside him! My husband was willing g to go to jail for asault.I fully understand keeping your daughter close.But I do think you need help too,if not a therapist try taking a few minutes each day to relax,try an app called CALM,it has soothing sounds,music ect.Also my therapist told me when I get that intense anger to hit my hands open on a hard surface,or yelli felt stupid but it works,also clapping your hands together hard.Sonething about letting out the anger and the sensation.Keep coming here and vent

I have been having a bit better day today.........being here and talking to you guys really does help a lot........thank you......the isolation diminishes........I was doing much better during the summer, but I relapsed.....impending winter......it's hard in the uk winter.....not cold at all, just grey and no light......for months........I don't wanna sound jealous, but I kinda am.........of your relationships with your husbands........because it was my partner, dd's biological father, that did this.........it makes worse the trauma.........the betrayal is so absolute........and the disgust and self loathing you feel that you had a baby with this person........I feel like a freak

Just so you know I blame my husband most days,after all it was his family.And sometimes I wish I never would have met him.But I understand you when you say you are jealous,to have that level of abuse from someone who is the closest to you must be hard to live with.Im here most days so if you need a friend I'm here.

Oh hopefulmana thank you so much........I know the pressure put on relationships under these circumstances is just awful and I didn't mean not to acknowledge that xxx

Oh not at all! The only thing that makes it a little better is that he is adopted,so even though there is more sexual abuse in his family at least it is not his bio family! BTW we are estranged from his adoptice family and we just found his bio family!

We are very strong and positive, most days, and only after many of steady venting here, and attending therapy and learning to meditate and breathe and on and on. None of us is innately more equipped to handle the trauma of disclosure. We all have to find our way. You will, too.

hopefulmama.....I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I am sorry........I didn't realise you blamed your husband for being related to the perp........did he ever try to excuse the the perp? Or, indeed his mother?

Naive.........no, none of us are innatetely stronger........but some of us are more supported by loved ones.........I am not supported by any-one........and some us are supported and appear to use some of the supporters as "whipping boys"