Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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warriormomx5 02/12/2017

So, my daughter has been struggling with a fear of the dark for as long as I can remember. Of course, it became more pronounced and I didn't push her to get over it as much after disclosures began over 1 1/2 years ago. However, this week she has shared with both her dad and I that a main reason she's afraid of the dark is that she "feels like I'm being watched by people."

QUESTIONS:

Any victims out there (or parents can ask their victimized children)...

1) Did you become afraid of the dark after the abuse started or did it get worse after disclosures?

2) Did you have a feeling that someone was watching you in the dark?

I'm trying to determine how normal this heightened sense is...whether or not it's a part of PTSD...is it leaning more towards a mental illness...etc.? Obviously, we will be sharing with her therapist this week.

On another note, this last session went really well and she reveiwed a video she had recorded about a year ago of abuse that happened at the church, most likely towards the start of the abuse when she was 4-5 years old. She organically shared a lot of new feelings and details about the stuff in this video! Even the fact that monster boy really DID force her to eat a pincher bug which she explained "they're bitter." I can feel that in the next couple of months she'll be disclosing more scary details, including about the other perps which I know little of, and that this new stuff will again have to be reported to CPS. My little guy I think is also on the verge of finally sharing about his rape...

hopefulmama 02/13/2017

My heart breaks for your family!Interesting that you should bring this up because a few months back my daughter always thought people were looking at her,at stores,library,everywhere,it was eerie cause she actually got me scared.my daughter was always afraid of the dark so I didn't notice a change there.

lusks1 02/13/2017

My 11 yo old daughter has slept on my floor since disclosure (2013). My son is about 25% with me on the floor. My oldest (14) sleeps in her room but is still suffering from insomnia and nightmares when she does sleep.

FakeFruit 02/13/2017

This tracks with the anxiety that my daughter has been having. I have been sleeping with her in her room since her assault/disclosure. She did have sleep anxiety before that event (though she also had been molested by the perp before about a year previously). She reported to me that sometimes when she woke up in the night she felt like the perp was standing at the foot of her bed, looking at her. She was also afraid to go into rooms by herself because of a nagging fear he would be there. Granted, we had the added wrinkle of her perp living next door and literally sharing a wall with us. She has been showing a little more confidence since they've moved and has been spending a little more time in rooms by herself. Her fear of the dark has also increased and she has three nightlights in her room, two in her bathroom and one in the hallway.

Naive1.2 02/13/2017

Like hopefulmama's daughter, my daughter was afraid people were looking at her everywhere we went. She absolutely refused to try on clothing at stores because she was afraid hidden security cameras might be in use (this was before disclosure, so my logical explanation about privacy laws and lawsuits went nowhere -- I still believe her abuser must have photographed her, because she had a fear of cameras, although she has never told me that this happened). She was afraid all her classmates were staring at her, if I remember correctly, she once told me they could tell what she was as thinking -- I now know that this was probably her deep sense of shame. She was sure that people thought she was "bad." -- projecting her own self-image onto others. SO sad.

Also sad: she was my first child, so I had no sense of what "normal" adolescence would look like. I didn't have a happy adolescence -- my parents were divorcing, and I thought that meant I didn't know how to have a boyfriend, and I was really desperate to prove that theory wrong. I thought my daughter's adolescence would be a happy one because her dad and I were (are) happily married; my friends with happily married parents seemed to breeze through adolescence. When she was sad instead, I thought, damn, depression is genetic -- she must have gotten it from me. I just didn't know to dig further. It kills me sometimes, how very many opportunities I missed to help my daughter. That's something that seems to plague us all......

hopefulmama 02/14/2017

Ah if we only knew to ask,but we would have to ask a million questions about a million things GS to find anything,did you eat today?How much?What time? are your friends smoking?Doing drugs?Are you scared of anything? ECT.My daughter did know about good and bad touch. In hindsight there are many clues

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