Hi, Protectourchildren. I'm so sorry about everything you have said. My daughter, too, was 8 years old when she was raped.

How brave your daughter was to come to you! My daughter waited for 15 years to tell us. During that time, she complained of stomach pains, leg pains, back pain, headaches. This is known as somatization (trauma expressing itself as physical pain). Between therapist visits (where she never disclosed) because her personality changed so drastically, like you, we spent a lot of time in doctors' offices,

Here is an explanation of what you are seeing:

https://www.mosac.net/page/209

That page is part of a whole section on common survivor reactions:

https://www.mosac.net/ShortTermEffects.aspx

Fortunately, your daughter's bravery by telling you what happened will allow a therapist to address these symptoms. For this reason, your daughter can begin to heal while she is still young.

The site, mosac.net, is full of information you need. There, you will learn much about your "new normal." It DOES get better, but it is hard work, and it can take quite a while. You have done everything right so far, which will help ease your path a bit. Thank God you believed your daughter.

So sorry this has happened to your daughter and you. Come here and share whatever you want whenever you want. I agree mosac.net is wonderful.

It is emotionally painful when family takes the side of the abuser (most likely he had also molested some of them). I have learned to let go of those family relationships. I try and focus on helping my daughter grow into the most healthy adult she can be.

Naive1.2. Thank you for all the information. It's the first time I hear of the term somatization. Additionally, I found the mosac.net website to big a HUGE help. I wish I would have known of it sooner XOXO.

Moonbeam31, at first it was super hurtful that the family shunned us for something that wasn't our fault but now I'm fine with it. What's helping me be strong is that my husband has finally come to the conclusion he lost his mother too and has decided to write her out of his life. Once he made that decision he has been more at peace which in turns gives my daughter and me peace too. XOXO

brknhrt, and everyone else thank you for taking the time to respond to my plea. I truely was feeling desperate the day of the post but am feeling better now. Know that my heart goes out to all of you as sexual assault should never happen to our kids.

I am glad you are in a better place today. My husband being able to let go of his Mother also was a turning point for us.

YES!!! My daughter was having stomachs for a couple of years, BUT I had no idea what my husband was doing to her. Lots of trips to doctors for stomach aches.

Also, his family knows he did it, he confessed, but they still think I RUINED HIS LIFE. No, he did that all by himself.

Monday our divorce will be final. He is going to prison for a LONG TIME and we have been excommunicated from his family. ONE INTERESTING thing...I have been married to this guy for 25+ years AND I never knew until the CRAP hit the fan that almost all the family members on his side of the family were molested including him, BUT it was always swept under the rug. My daughter will be the first person in the family to have justice. The rest of the preditors are still at home.

One other thing.... 80+-year-old men don't just start molesting children...he finally got caught. I would not be surprised to learn that the ones who are giving you the most flax are his other victims. Wanting to sweep it all under the rug and hide the family secret.

Stick to your guns, get your daughter to see a good therapist. DO NOT let them intimidated you, do what you have to do to protect your daughter. Avoid his side of the family.

It may be very helpful for your daughter if you, or if you and her therapist both, can sit together to explain how somatization works: the pain is real, but the cause is different from if she had eaten something unsafe. If she had drunk spoiled milk, you would throw it away and give her something to calm her stomach. In this case, the cause is emotional, which only means it needs to be treated differently: she needs to consider which thoughts and events preceded her feeling sick. She needs to let you know, so you can talk it out (like throwing out the spoiled milk). Much love to you. You are in good company.