Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
This is either the 2nd or 3rd time since disclosure that my daughter has had pinworm. My boys don't seem to get it so I'm not sure where It's coming from exactly? Her personal hygiene, like with most abuse Victim's, is far from stellar. Her room goes through cycles of clean because I cleaned it to trashpit within days and has to wait until I have time to clean it again (a 4-5 hour process!) She sucks her thumb still due to anxiety. She wets her bed most nights thus wears goodnights. And she has random pains/burning in her privates which we always thought might be psychosomatic but are starting to wonder if it's more (when we've gone to the dr., It wasn't a urinary tract infection.). But while I was researching pin worm I also noticed that girls who present with pinworm is supposed to raise a red flag for sexual abuse. Anyone know why? It's been almost exactly 2 years since the last sexual abuse.
Anyways, because she had pin worm, for the first time since disclosure she allowed me to investigate her privates. While looking, I noticed she has a thin, mucus discharge that is greyish-white (not yeast). She also has the beginnings of pubic hair. She's began developing breast about a year ago but they havent grown past an A-cup due to her vigorous involvement on the swim team & me jogging/working out with her (about 8 hours a week). She has maybe 2 hairs per armpit. I personally don't smell body odor but she says she has B.O. and needs deodorant. She's 10 1/2. I began developing breast around 8 but again, because of gymnastics, did not grow much until I was 12. But real puberty didn't start for me until I was 12, period at 13 1/2. So my questions are, 1) Should I be preparing for her to start her period soon (because that's going to be traumatic and another intense trigger!)? 2) I thought girls her age should have clear discharge...am I right to be concerned about a grey-white color being discharged? 3) I'm guessing this is early puberty we're looking at due to sexual abuse, right?
If I put together all the pieces, I believe she's been raped by 2 boys multiple times and these same two boys had relations with their little sister.. who also had relations with their oldest brother (who might have been with other girls) and possibly father. All in the same family!
Sorry if this is TMI but I need input since she's not quite ready to go to a dr. quite yet dealing with her private parts...and I'm not ready to deal with another CPS case because of the need for the dr. to report it!
HELP?
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/pinworm/basics/definition/con-20027072
...it may be necessary to treat the entire family to be certain it's not circulating, esp. because it's so contagious. Even more frustrating is this (from http://www.washdiplomat.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=9076:the-childhood-ailment-no-one-talks-about&catid=1501&Itemid=428):
"At home, you have a big job to do. Wash all bedding, towels, underwear and pajamas (not just the infected child's, although you should start with those) on the highest temperature setting your wash machine has; I use the "sanitize" setting. For items that you can't run through the washer, like pillows and many stuffed animals, stick them in the dryer on high heat for a good 40 minutes.
"Repeat this process frequently — even more frequently than you think you need to. When we were on round two with pinworms, I laundered the infected child's sheets and blankets daily, and the rest of the family's every few days. Vacuum or wet mop the bedroom floors frequently too — the eggs can get spread around very easily.
"This is also the time to reinforce all those lessons about hand washing. Be militant about washing hands before meals, after using the bathroom and before brushing teeth. Clip fingernails short, and if your child is stubborn about nose picking, thumb sucking or any other habit that gets hands in the mouth, redouble your efforts to put a stop to that as well."
It sounds like getting rid of pinworms is even more difficult than getting rid of lice, which is hard to believe.
I only have a guess as to why pinworms indicate abuse: because the abuser follows poor hygiene and (if it's Monster Boy) isn't getting proper treatment from an abusive family.....
So far, today she says she doesn't have the feeling if bugs down there so I believe we've got it under control. I'm nervous about her starting her period because we can't even make a "safe place" to use for EMDR because everytime it became a 10 it sent her anxiety to a 5! They broke my daughter so much so that now when she feels that happy her body freaks out and tries to protect itself! Yes, I get why but STILL! Her therapist and I have been trying to just START EMDR for months and we can't get her to relax enough to be able to do it let alone have it work.
Naive1.2, every time pin worm hits, we treat the while family with the meds, even though my daughter is the only one to show symptoms. I clean like crazy. I do SO much laundry and dryer-ing of stuff. Vacuum, new sheets/p.j.s every day, etc. It always goes away. This is exactly a year from the first time she contracted it. I can't find the link though!
And tonight our doggy started randomly seizing so all the kids are broken because they he's going to die...which might be true...and everyone got sick either with the vomit flu or sore throat/gunky cough.
Sorry...just venting. I'm doing o.k. Just tired...and sick myself. Hoping that the dog and puberty don't make everything worse. We were having such a calm year, we're not shocked that this is all happening. It feels...NORMAL...to us to simply survive. But for reals...I'm doing o.k. The littles are all sleeping and I'm waiting to hear back about our doggy...hubby/oldest are with him at the vet. Tomorrow is therapy...phew!
But back to your main point. If it makes you feel any better, and I hope it does, my daughter tried EMDR shortly after disclosure, and found it to be a horrible experience (partly because her idiot therapist violated every basic rule for the therapy, such as asking her to concentrate on her worst memories of the abuse -- really, we think she was just being nosy!!!). However, this weekend she is going to try again with a therapist I trust, who has helped me enormously with EMDR. I will let you know how that goes. But the willingness to try may develop in time.
As for the damned pinworms, she might have gotten them anywhere, and maybe she is more genetically susceptible to them than are others in your family. Some in my family rarely get mosquito bites; that's because the mosquitoes have already bitten me dry, and they're too full to fly anymore.
Hope all -- canines included -- are feeling better soon!!