This so difficult! We had the same problem except our son was in our wedding pics as well because he was only 2 when my husband and I got married. I went thru all of our family photos because that is what my daughter and the rest of the family wanted and I took out the ones of him. The ones of him before he was 12 ( when he begin abusing my youngest daughter) we put in separate photo albums ( I couldn't bear to part with the ones when he was little and still innocent). The other ones when he was older we gave to him. And the ones with his sisters in we either cut him out or put in a box for my daughter to shred when she needs to.

My son wasn't given any pictures of his sisters in them because he really made our daughters feel sick to even know that he might have pics of them. WE also asked him to take down pics he had on his facebook of his sisters. He did but not without a fight. He doesn't get what he has done and can only think about himself. I think you should let your daughter decide. She should be the one to decide what goes in her scrapbook. If she is still to young to make that decision ( our daughter was 18) then just put them away for now.

I know how you feel -there is nothing worse than having the abuser and the survivor in your family. It has taken time but our family is healing. We closed ranks around our daughter and although our son is no longer a part of our lives we are still a close and loving family. This doesn't have to destroy you or your family. I hope you find the best answer for your family's situation. Laura

For myself I would put it away ot throw it away and start new memories. To remember someone in a positive way os natural, however what happened was a violation and it should just move on. It is a new life. Start new. But I do not know the perspective one would have that was violated. For my daughters we threw everything away and they were no longer apart of their life. They were betrayed and those in the pictures are long gone. We all that have gone through this with family members being the violator have similar situations. Why hang onto a lie? Yes it is hard but the memories fro me were lies. Best of luck and peace to you.

I am not in this exact situation, however, my daughter's father was her abuser. I have a scrapbook full of pictures of all of us, and pictures of the two of them. She is only two years old and I am confident in the fact that he will never see her again. I haven't destroyed the pictures yet but I plan to. I will never lie to her about what happened in the event that she should ask, but he does not need to be a part of our family photos. He is no longer family and my daughter no longer hasa father.

Yes, I do agree with both cathymathy and beemom. Once a family member crosses the line they are no longer family. Family is suppose to love and protect. Not violate and destroy.

A couple yrs ago I "cleaned house", any photos of my sons' abusers were discarded; any photos with them in them with us or other friends were altered-- I cut them out and replaced them with other things that fit-- trees, bushes, a car, a bike, someone else, our dog, etc. It felt great, and now when my sons or husband look at the photos, they think it's hilarious :o))

OMG! I was totally bummed this weekend due to this exact problem! It was our wedding anniversary and we always watch our wedding DVD but we can't anymore because my dad is in them. Same thing with our kid's birthday DVDs. They are from birth to present. Every picture that has any of my family members have been taken down and are in a box until we decide what to do with them. We haven't looked at the photo albums either.
Sometimes the grief of all that we have lost is overwhelming. Currently just putting one foot in front of the other. Tomorrow will be better.

My husband and I went through all of our photos with the offender and any one who supports him. They are no longer our family. We started to take more picture for new memories.

PlsNotUs -- your name expresses what we all feel. I"m so sorry this has happened to you...too.

I have a slightly different approach to this subject than what I've read so far. Please understand though that I'm not suggesting that the actions that you have all taken are somehow wrong. We all have to do what works for us.

My daughter's abuser was not family, however, he was involved in significant parts of our lives for about 11-12 years. This perp was involved in so much of our daughter's childhood that to throw those years and activities out would have been to basically remove her entire childhood. Even if the perp wasn't in the pictures themselves, he was an integral part of the activites, such that you can't separate the activities from the experiences. My wife and I struggled with all of this and never really came up with an answer until one miraculous day.

It was another weekend day spent gathering up materials for our civil case. I was gathering and scanning old documents, pictures and memoribilia to be submitted to our lawyer. I normally tried to keep all of this activity out of the sight of my daughter, but there was a time crunch and it was all spread out throughout my home office. My daughter happened to walk into my office to ask me a question or tell me something and she saw the things that I had laying around, particularly the pictures. She looked at me and said without a prompt of any kind, "you know, we don't have to forget". There are moments in life that amaze you, particularly with children who understand things that you're not even sure that you understand yourself. She didn't want to give up the good memories and I'm sure that she didn't want to give them up as well. She left the room shortly thereafter and that's when I finally allowed myself lose it. I cried for quite a while.

Everyone's situation is going to be different and for many if not most, avoidance may be the correct course of action. If your situation is anything like ours though and removing all memories would be removing too much of life, consider your situation and do what works best for you. Our children are often a lot stronger than we give them credit for and they may feel a bit differently than we initially think.

That WAS a small miracle. It is important to be sure that our children don't believe that their lives were "wasted," and that the good memories aren't worth retaining because of their association with the bad ones.

When my children were young, I worked hard to give them a happy childhood, because I believe that adults need to remember an ideal to carry into the future. I had no idea that part of my daughter's childhood had been such a horror, and she has certainly carried that with her.

However, I was just talking with my husband today about how we should write a "happy memories" book about our daughter's childhood -- all the day-to-day goodness she enjoyed and encountered. If there hadn't been so much of it, maybe I would have noticed earlier that something was wrong. A paradox. But we have lots of pictures of her smiling real smiles, and lots of memories of great vacations and fun outings and happy routines. Those are a real part of her life, too, and hopefully the most important....

Maybe someday we'll all figure out how better to forget the bad without losing the good. For now, all we can do is our best and it sounds like you made the best you could out of the situation. Nice job Naïve!