Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
We are five months past disclosure and I've been feeling better most days, but things are constantly coming up within our extended family and many things will still take me to the feelings I had the day I found out. My brother in law is the one family member that has understood our perspective and has been supportive. He was molested as a child himself so he can relate to some of what we have been going through. My daughter and his daughter have been best friends because they are 3 months apart in age. Since the disclosure, nothing has changed in our relationships. His daughter frequently comes over and goes on family outings with us. This weekend, they asked if my daughter would come over for a sleepover. This is only her second sleepover since the disclosure, but I let her go because I have felt comfortable with the family. However, this time was a little weird. I don't know if I'm taking things the wrong way or what the problem is. My bil approached me before the sleepover and said that the girls were going to sleep in their room on the floor and watch movies. I thought it was weird because they are the ones who usually let our kids go off and play alone with doors closed. I don't do that anymore, ever. Not that I believe my daughter would try to abuse another child, but just for safety for everyone involved. We were at a birthday party by the way. The kids got those little wash cloths that come in a little square and when you put them in water, they expand. Anyways, the girls took their washcloths to the bathroom to get them wet. My bil was watching the bathroom door and kept saying "what are they doing", "why are they taking so long". I was shocked and very hurt. It seemed like he was thinking that my daughter would do something to his. I mean, they were in the bathroom for maybe 2-3 minutes, in a shelter house with like 30 people around and it is a big bathroom and other family would go in and out. So what do you all think? Am I being too sensitive or what? I really wanted to tell them nevermind about my daughter going to their house but she was already excited. Have any of you had to deal with things like this? I can understand wanting to keep a child safe, but I don't get why all of a sudden they are acting this way.
I definitely understand your hurt and feelings about the party your daughter was at. As far as your BIL I suppose he could be on high alert. I suspect it may be more about a heightened awareness of sexual abuse in and of itself, not a fear of your daughter. I think communication is the key and suggest expressing your thoughts, feelings and concerns about it with him.
Friends playing sexually with her dolls and I also remember doing this and having other girlfriends of mine do this with dolls, I learned when we where older that the other girls who played sexually with dolls had also been sexually abused... But when I found one of my daughters friends soon this I talked to my daughter about how it was inappropriate and I asked her how she felt and she said she felt ashamed and scared and I explained to her that is why we don't play this way with the dolls because of the icky feelings we get after... She understood and has been very careful to always play with the door
Open and play appropriately with the dolls...I know this because IM WATCHING...!!!
In any respect... I would be more than happy to have another parent in my life who was as diligent at watching and as concerned as I am... And who was also on high alert... Yes he might be more concerned about your daughter because of what she went through... But in reality... He should be...!!! And you shouldn't feel bad about that you should be appreciative to have someone who is concerned and aware in your life...!!! Because any opportunity for your daughter to explore her abuse is also an opportunity for her to have more feelings of guilt, shame, and eventual Repercussions from the exploration... Your brother in law sounds like he is aware of all that it is to be an abused child and he is looking out for your daughter as well as his...!!!
Peace and love to you and your little girl... I wish you healing and security...!!!
Since then I have learned that people are simply ignorant in how to handle such situations.
I am extra careful in the situations my children are in. I also appreciate the awareness our situation has brought to other peoples' lives. Your BIL would be one that is doing the best he can with the knowledge he has. He is likely nervous and that is ok. Extra precaution is always good. My opinion of course.