If I saw that interview it was a long, long time before I had a clue about my own daughter's abuse. It SHOULD give you hope, as should the presence of some really amazing survivor parents of survivors who contribute to this forum.

Little by little, my daughter is healing. She is moving on to a better future. It's slow going, but it's happening. She has escaped death many times in the process. But the road seems to be smoothing out. She is a productive member of society, is determined to complete her education, and has a loving, supportive boyfriend who knows what she has endured. There IS reason for hope.

HUGS.

You bring up an excellent point. I never saw the interview but maybe I'll google it. I'm really glad when celebrities talk about their abuse. We take comfort in the fact that others have overcome similar trials. Also, it's important to remember that we ALL actually know MANY happy, seccuessful grown women who were sexually abused - we just don't know that we know them! Because sexual abuse is such an emotionally charged and personal topic, most women either never disclose, or, more often, choose not to tell their friends once they are grown. 25% of women are sexually assaulted before they become adults. So, 1 in 4 women you meet have been abused. 1 in 4 women you meet aren't crippled with debilitating depression and anxiety, right? That means that most go on to have good, normal lives. There is MOST definitely reason for us to have hope for our kids. Their lives are not ruined by what happened to them. They WILL work through it and hopefully will become stronger in the process! It is my wish that we all see our kids grow up knowing that they are true survivors - strong and capable. ❤️❤️❤️

How do those stats play out in the real world? For example, while studies seem to repeat the 1 in 4 stat, does that mean that if we know four women, one of them is a survivor? It could be that a lot of survivors drop out of the mainstream of society -- esp. those who have received no belief/support/counseling. For example, if you only spend time with women who are CEOs and never spend time with women who are in drug treatment programs, you may never encounter survivors of sexual assault, whereas if you only spend time with women in drug treatment programs, you might think that 3 out of 4 women are survivors. I say this to remind us that those who make the most of their lives after sexual assault (childhood or otherwise) have discovered some remarkable coping strategies, whether they have received therapy or not, in order to find success.

Our job as parents is to make sure our survivor children get the MOST support we can provide -- the most exposure they can get to successful coping strategies -- so that they have a better chance of finding their way to a satisfying life. Hope alone is far less fortifying than hope served with a big side dish of support.

I totally agree with you naive and I wasn't trying to diminish the horrible effects that abuse has. I also agree that a disproportionate number of people who really struggle with life have been abused. That being said, it's important to remember that abuse does not have to define our kids. People do go on to have happy successful lives with the right support. We need to share this fact with our kids so they don't assume they are doomed to a life of hardship. It's good for us parents to remember as well. I think many children accept the message that abuse sends them - that they aren't worth anything. Why bother working hard to overcome this if most abuse victims end up with horrible lives? We need to give them some reassurance that it's worth the work. That other victims are now happy adults. They need some role models, just like any other kids that are trying to overcome poverty, disability, addiction, etc. That's all I meant.

Sorry -- I hadn't meant to imply that you might try to diminish the effects of abuse. You've seen them up close and you're doing an amazing job to help your daughter grow up feeling strong. I just find those figures frustrating because I have heard very smart people say, "I don't know anyone who has been raped/sexually abused," with the implication being that the 1 in 4 figure is too high. But...they may be correct. They may never HAVE known anyone who has been raped -- which would mean that some of us may know a disproportionate number of survivors. In families where incest has carried on for generations, this is certainly true. In situations like that of Warriormomx5, where several of her children were abused by a family friend (dear God, it still hurts to think about it), this is true. For those of us who "only" know one child who was abused...that's 100% of a child who matters more than anything in the world.

Breaking the cycle of abuse and breaking the grip of trauma require so much effort. Parents who fail to believe and support their children -- or who simply hope they will "get over it" or have "gotten over it" -- are missing a giant opportunity to improve their children's quality of life.

Other than the short term counseling provided what else can we do for our kids? This ruining my child's life is my biggest fear.

We can empower them to become survivors instead of Victim's! Teach them to be brave enough to use the evil done to them for good in this world...everyone has different abilities but they can all use their testimony to help others! Help them to OWN the story and realize that there was nothing wrong with any GOOD sexual feelings felt but only the circumstances and people who gave them those feelings...that way they can still find their other half and enjoy them. We can model for them to not be ashamed by not keeping the abuse a secret in regards to those who matter...reminding them that it is nothing THEY did wrong. We can help them to write their story through artwork, journals, documenting their anxiety attacks and one day when they grow up, if they so choose, they can share it with their other half, their children, the world, write a book, etc. And look back on how strong they are because they overcame THAT! And most importantly, we can love them unconditionally and show them that this abuse does NOT define who they are...that it is just a blip on their timeline of life. We can also pray for them.

Such great ideas. It all seems so much. Life I can't even come to terms with it enough myself to do those things right now. I wish I had someone to guide me in these steps

A therapist? Are you seeing one for yourself?

No I had 8 sessions from the police but I can't afford anymore.

I'm sorry. Please make time for online guided meditation. You can find some really good ones, for free, on YouTube. It can help you to refocus and find a bit more energy for next steps. If you don't feel energy afterward, at least allow yourself to relax. It's good to realize that you still can relax and find moments of peace -- and that you DESERVE to relax and find moments of peace.

And journal! Work your thoughts and emotions out on paper...it really helps. And exercise! It's scientifically proven to raise chemicals in the body that make us feel happier...and we get more energy. Perfect antidote to depression!

I don't feel depressed so much anymore. More like I can't bring myself to talk about this with her or anyone...

Well...that's the way it is with sexual abuse. It's so unpleasant -- and it's so personal and private -- that it's not conducive to discussion. Which is unhealthy, because talking about it is what we need in order to know we're not alone and in order to know that this is survivable. However, maybe the reason you're finding it difficult to discuss right now is because a part of you is ready to work on acceptance. I'm glad you're less depressed. That's a good sign. Acceptance means you accept that it happened, not that it's okay with you at all. It's an important step for "moving on." You will NOT do this step all at once. You'll start and stop. You'll regress and get furious at the SOB. You'll get sad and blame yourself all over again. It's natural, as the poisonous aspects of what happen work their way out of your psyche.

Here are some step-by-step articles on radical acceptance -- what it is and how to do it. I hope they help:

http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/how-to-practice-radical-acceptance

https://www.tarabrach.com/articles-interviews/trauma/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pieces-mind/201312/three-blocks-radical-acceptance

Thanks