I'm glad you found this board so early in your journey, or the point of you joining your daughter's journey.

As she goes through this initial stage of interviews, etc, please make sure they keep her mental health front and center. They have ways they need to do things to allow her testimony to be available as evidence for a criminal case. But unfortunately that doesn't always (or even usually) square up with what's best for her mental health or what resources are there to support her.

I hope, for your sake, they will be able to charge your ex. But I have to be honest and warn you that more often than not, they are not able to charge when it's been too long ago to have physical evidence. So that is another reason to advocate for your daughter that she get at least a crisis counselor on board to help her through and immediately after any testimony she will be asked to give. That can be a really traumatic process, bring back a lot of memories and reactions to the surface. It might not even be worth it for her to go through it outside of therapy, if it's unlikely to lead to a conviction anyway.

I don't have much time now but that's the most immediate info I have for you. Also two good resources: mosac.net and the national sexual assault hotline (North America), 24/7 and totally confidential: 800-656-4673

brknhrt's advice is wonderful, i can't say it better.

i can say I'm very glad to hear they are taking your daughter's case seriously and she is getting the services she needs. i can say from 15 years experience, letting my child know she was both *heard and believed* has helped her tremendously, she says she's always known i had her back and that's what gets her through the most rough times.

MaryEllen, just wanted to come back and say some words to you too. I can relate to all the overwhelming emotions, fears, questions, etc. hitting you now, and I'm sure everyone else here can too. About all you can do is focus on keeping your head above water. Focus on what needs to be done now--there's plenty to take care of there, and anything beyond the immediate future is too far off to be known. You might have to remind yourself to breathe, deeply, many times a day, to stay hydrated, to eat something. If you need to take something (hopefully non-addictive, like melatonin) to get some sleep, do that. At some point you should look for assistance for your own mental health. The more stable you can be, the better it will be for your daughter. If there's a place, like your car for example, you can go to just scream and cry, that can be a help.

MaryEllen, I'm so sorry for what has happened to your daughter and to you (and to any siblings?). This can be a long journey, so, as others have mentioned, a focus on the present, and on your breathing -- simplistic as that may seem --will help you get through each day. Please look for mindfulness meditations for trauma on YouTube., Apple Music, wherever you can listen without commercial interruptions. Learn to breathe in through your nose as deeply as you can, for a count of 4, hold for 7 and release for 8. You'll feel your brain reset, and for just a moment, it's manageable again.

As sad as you are for your daughter, and as frantic as you may be for her healing, she needs to see you practicing good self-care. Often children who are abused feel more scared AFTER disclosure -- now whatever they feared might happen if they disclosed could possibly happen. -- so they desperately need an example of how to hold it together.

Please check in her as needed. You are loved and understood.