Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
As you all know my daughter gave her statement on Monday,so now we wait for the detective to give all the info to the prosecutor and for them to decide if there is enough to go forward.I honestly don't think they are going to move forward but the detective did say if they did not have enough he would at least have the police in his town go and interview him, to scare him and let him know that people are aware of the situation. My mother in law is pushing his mom to start counseling before it is court ordered(if that even happens).They all still have no clue, my sister in law took him once and gave some kind of story to all of us that the therapist said he is ok and does not need counseling,I knew that was not true, I mean come on .So I was talking to my mother in law yesterday and she said she found out from his mom that she didnt send him back because he felt like he was being punished,so she told my sister in law to explain to him counseling was not a punishment it was helping him sort through that normal teenage urges and how to deal with them.So my mother in law and sister in law think what happened is just normal growing up curiosity. They are so in denial.So I started thinking,is there normal teenage curiosity?And where is that line crossed? In my opinion 2 same age kids who are both curious may not constitute as abuse,but a 12 year old touching an 8 year old is,especially when there are threats.Does anyone know how long it takes to hear if charges will be pressed?
I have had to explore this research as well, but I heed the research analysis with some caution but also with hope.
There is a ton of garbage research allllll over the Internet that supports pedophiles in defense. When you look at this garbage "research" more closely, it's based on opinion and hypothesis. It's not scientific.
Why does all this garbage research exist?
Pedophillia makes buco $$$$$$$
Pedophiles will go to tremendous, tremendous levels levels to protect their dirty secret... Lawyers, court fees, "rehab". And alllll along the way are people who collect from pedophiles in the process. The lawyers make big $$$, the counselors who brag they can cure the incurable, etc.
But no matter how hard these lawyers and counselors try, they can't ever fudge the numbers enough to create what is legitimate sound scientific research.
So now that my son is identifying with his father and is offending on his sisters, I hope this research that I too have come across here and there is legitimate scientific research - that indicates juveniles when juveniles are intervened upon in a timely manner can go on to have the same liklihood of offending as the normal population. Again, that's not as promising as it sounds... Pedophillia may be as common as 1 in 20 men if you include sexual fantasies without acting. And it is not saying this therapy is a guarantee the juvenile will go on to not offend. But there is some hope as they describe that pedophilia may be a genetic related condition that when not present genetically but present due to PTSD from abuse of some sort, can be redirected...
I hope.
Either way, whether this research is correct or not, it is the only option when you have a juvenile offender that gives any chance of hope.
Robbing this child from his chance of hope is a disaster of ignorance.
Best wishes!
There exists websites that distinguish normal sexual exploring vs abnormal behavior.
Use of coercion
Age difference
Confronting multiple times and problem persists
Are some of the alarms re abnormal sexual behavior.
These are children that need intervention.
And with that in mind, who wants to place their children as guinea pigs around juvenile offenders to see if it happens again?
So you will see some parents who like Lovesmama who chose never to place her child around this kid. Why? There's no reason He's not even a primary relative.
http://www.themamabeareffect.org/understanding-abusers.html
I even wonder if there is a genetic component - because my husbands side of the family has issues (our abuser is related on both sides). So, our abuser wasn't a groomer, he was a very opportunistic abuser - he would make his move when he walked into the opportunity. I have seen grooming behavior - my husbands brother served time for child pornography - and he was a groomer, and it was quite obvious to me - so with our abuser, my red light didn't go off because there was no grooming. Our abuser was 14, had been viewing porn, and in the words of my sister "Is a very sexual 14 year old" - he was home schooled, didn't have many friends (so he was socially isolated). I believe that all of this factored into him abusing my daughter. I feel like she was someone there to experiment with - not that he was necessarily "attracted" to her, but that she was an easy target and available. He would join here while she was playing upstairs in a playroom - or he would take the opportunity if she came down to the basement where he was - he never tried to lure her into a room alone. Had there been a 13 year old girl in the picture - he likely would have targeted her. BUT - is sexual behavior from a 14 year old with a 4 year old normal, absolutely not. Could he possibly go on to not reoffend, very likely. Could he still end up with sexually deviant behavior - absolutely. Am I glad that he was caught and forced to be dealt with - yes!
I strongly feel that had one of my husbands cousins (who his brother tried on numerous occasions to abuse, and was "peeping in on her" disclosed sooner, or been believed, and his brother may have been forced to deal with his issue - maybe he could have gotten help sooner and not ended up in prison. BUT, he was an adult, and has an attraction to children - so I do classify him as a pedophile and don't really know about rehabilitation. I know that he has no desire to go back to prison, very clearly adheres to his parole stipulations, and hopefully understands how bad what he did is. Will he ever have access to my kids ?absolutely not, will he possibly be around when we visit (which is very rare), yes he may. Will I ever let my kids out of my sight when he is there, absolutely not. Will I ever let my kids visit my in-laws without me - no way in hell - I don't trust their judgement. Anyway - I am rambling now. But the bottom line is, no, what he did should not be ignored. Our abuser went to therapy that his parents voluntarily sent him to for months after disclosure - and after he was charged, he was mandated to more counseling by the state, and as far as I know, he may still have to go. He did admit to some things - but not nearly what my daughter has disclosed, and has even said he would take a lie detector test - so my sister believes only his side of the story and the lawyer who is telling her that they filled my daughters mind with ideas during the forensic interview. Not once has my sister taken the opportunity to talk to us, to hear what we were told after the interview to understand that no one filled her mind with anything. She is listening only to what her therapist and lawyer have told her and have never wanted to know our side. No my probem and hopefully what happened will be enough to keep him from repeating these problems in the future (unlike Josh Dugger who was never properly dealt with) - but it wouldn't surprise me at all if he ended up having issues in the future. He had been caught lying regularly, and I think there is an aspect to his personality that he will deal with later in life. It is no longer any concern to me as they are no longer in our lives. I live everyday thankful that my son does not exhibit any of this behavior and know how much worse it had been if our abuse happened with him. I am a firm believer in "it can always be worse". Good luck with your daughters counseling - I have no advice for you most recent post but just to be there for her, love her, and if she doesn't want to talk to you about it - don't bring it up. Let the therapist do their job and heed their advice. As far as school, that is something I would discuss with her therapist to make that decision. There are certainly homeschool options, or homebound options through the school - but that is hard and if you and her are having issues I don't know that I would advise that. It may be important to keep her life as normal as possible right now and not shake things up any more. Just my 2 cents.