Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
How many of you are in the position of not knowing the specifics of what happened to your child? I don't have access to the forensic interview because it's still part of an open investigation (not against the boy who abused my son, but against my son's father for child endangerment because he knew the older boy/stepbrother had a history of this), and one of the judges we've seen on the dependency and neglect case against my ex was harangued by my ex's lawyer into ruling that I can't talk to my son about the abuse or the court proceedings (previous order had only mentioned my ex, since the case is against him). I have no way of really knowing what happened to my son beyond the basics from that first disclosure and what little his therapist has told me.
It's killing me to not know. I hug my sweet little boy and don't know what was done to him, and I'm not even allowed to talk to him about it to help him through.
I know that reading that interview report would break me, but I still need to know.
All) until court.
I've decided that if he brings it up I'll of course talk to him, but he doesn't ever bring it up. We're only 4.5 months since disclosure and he's only 8 and doesn't want to upset anyone, so he keeps it all inside. He's mentioned a few things about his stepbrother lately (the fact that the boy was expelled from two schools last year for this behavior was one tidbit he told me), but never mentions the abuse itself. In fact, the only thing I know about the forensic interview is that my son said at the end, "I don't want to talk about this anymore." His therapist is working with him on expressing emotions (emotions aren't allowed at his dad's house, so he learned to repress) and talking about this stuff, but of course it's slow-going.
I just don't understand why I, as his mother, not a person implicated in any crime or cover-up of any crime, am not allowed access to the forensic interview. My lawyer has subpoenaed the caseworker for our next status hearing, so I might hear it then, or maybe not until trial in November. I just can't imagine hearing that information for the first time while sitting alone on a bench in a courtroom.
My son shouldn't have to testify or even come to court. The boy who abused him isn't being criminally charged (even though the boy admitted abusing my son and my son is one of at least 5 children to come forward about him this year). The boy is only 11, so they're sending him to a residential facility for juvenile sex offenders (my ex and his mother fought this, but CPS forced it).
The trial is because my son's father knew at least by early February that the boy had a history of abusing other boys, and again in March, but he never told me and never made any serious effort to find out if our son was abused. He allowed my son to come over there, even forced the issue when he didn't want to come, knew I was getting our son into therapy for his anxiety about going over there, and still didn't say or do anything. My son's disclosure was in May. My son's father doesn't think he's done anything wrong, thinks I'm doing this out of spite. His visitation rights have been severely restricted by the court, and the trial is to decide if that should stand, or if his visitation should be suspended entirely (too much has happened recently for him to have a hope of visitation being restored to "normal"). He's also possibly facing charges of child endangerment (that's the investigation that prevents me from seeing the interview records).
I'm glad you're continuing to write. Hugs!