Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hi
im new here. It's 3 months from my two daughters disclosure. Both girls Aged 5 and 12.
Abuser being their 12 year old uncle.
I have started legal proceedings and I just feel lost. Im struggling with my emotions, blaming myself, anger towards him.
I'm in the UK has anyone dealt with legal proceedings for a similar age? I'm unsure if it will even get to court due to his age. Although police say he can be convicted here because he over 10. But what will the punishment be? It's been 3 months and all I know is that he's on bail. I haven't heard much else. When I contact the police to find out if there's an update I feel like im annoying them and they keep reminded me these situations take time. Im so glad I found this forum.
https://www.csacentre.org.uk/where-to-get-help/
They should be able to be of some help specific to the UK.
mosac.net is full of information and good advice for surviving this as a parent They also have a Facebook group.
This board is the best place I've found online to connect with parents who have been in this awful place. It is a long road but you can survive.
I hope the links brknhrt posted will help you with the "system." Focusing on being present will relieve you of some of the feeling of infinity while waiting for action. As the saying goes, "Living well is the best revenge," and the best time to work on living well is now. Here's an article about the basics of living in the moment so that, as much as possible, you can carry on NOW while the wheels of justice creak on at their own blasted pace (anyway, I liked the title of this piece!):
How To Live In The Present Moment: 13 No Bullsh*t Tips! https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/8321/the-present-moment/
The more you take care of yourself, especially by living in the moment, the better prepared you'll be to guide your children through a time of life when they need guidance the most.
For me, guided meditations were a very helpful shortcut to awareness of NOW, and to navigating more peacefully through a devastating situation. I really liked Ruth Naperstak's PTSD audios, such as this:
https://www.healthjourneys.com/audio-library/military/guided-imagery-for-the-three-stages-of-healing-trauma
This one, by another therapist, looks very good, too:
https://www.healthjourneys.com/audio-library/military/mindfulness-meditations-finding-peace
Also, there are hundreds (thousands?) of guided meditations for free on YouTube. Search for "mindfulness meditation," "anxiety relief," etc. Some are as short as five minutes long.
Done before bedtime, guided meditations can help you to get to sleep and to wake up in a more present-oriented frame of mind.
I recommend that you get help for both your daughters before you do anything else. If you have not done so already, look for an experience therapist in your area who has worked with sexually abused children. It is very important for them to receive therapy, developmentally, as soon as possible.
I'm guessing the punishment will be "juvenile detention" (as we call it in the States) with treatment (insist on treatment from the judge) based upon his age and charges against him.