Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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maDeLo 01/26/2018

so we just moved to Oklahoma from Tennessee and our support system. Well I have made a new friend and I absolutely love her! She cares for my kids so lovingly and like she has known us forever and I feel that way about her and her kids as well. Anyway my husband and I have to go an hour away to look at trucks and she offered to take our kids.............. Her husband will be home and i dont have any reason to feel uncomfortable but i do. She also has a 9 year old boy (same age as my daughter) which makes me really nervous. UGH i hate feeling over protective of her because of our situation. Like i make my life so much harder just trying to protect her.

I need self care as well because i LOVE my natural long red hair and I would like to keep it....

what would you ladies do? Just take the kids to protect her from anything that happen and have a hecktic day because we also have a 4 and 5 year old who arent the easiet in the truck or just suck it up, say loads and loads of prayers and let my new friend keep them? Maybe they could keep the boys and my husband and I could keep the girl and their daughter?

compromise although i am gettting the much easier end of the stick lol

FakeFruit 01/26/2018

I have (and still have) similar problems leaving my daughter with anyone. Maybe ask your kids how they feel about staying with her. Make plans to call and check on the kids half way into the outing. You could even give them a code word that they can use as a signal that they're not comfortable and want you to come a get them.

Conversely, you could level with your new friend about what y'all have been through and perhaps she'd agree to stay with the kids in your home without the husband or son present.

heartsadx3 01/26/2018

Thinking I would not do something I'm not comfortable with period. It takes time to build trust small steps. I usually do small stays with mom after I'm comfortable with parenting style and then go from there. She is a new friend and even though she sounds great it's still new. That's my 2 cents. Unfortunately in my case I let convience for me put my kids in harms way if I could do it again I would so much rather be inconvienced in a heartbeat. And that was leaving them with family. It's a tuff line just follow your gut. She will respect you and understand as I would.

Bandmom5 01/27/2018

My 2 cents is, I gotta agree with heartsadx3...

Naive1.2 01/27/2018

Make that 6 cents.

hopefulmama 01/28/2018

I agree,take them with you,all if them.You are gonna be stressed wondering anyway.This sucks,I know but they are new friends.BTW, my sister lives in Oklahoma and loves it there,best of luck on your new endeaver

maDeLo 01/28/2018

Just to clearify she isnt new new we have been friends for a few months now. I ended up leaving my boys and taking her daughter and ours with us and her husband ended up having to work and didn't get home until we were already there to pick the kids up. thank you ladies. I didnt want to offend her by telling her we were just gonna take all three kids. I dont know why that would worry me but i do that all the time.

heartsadx3 02/01/2018

It's okay to offend someone... It's okay to offend someone if by doing so we are following our gut. People get over hurt feelings people the right ones understand. So important though and they teach this in karate to kids if you don't feel comfortable or alarm bells are going off follow your instinct even if it hurts someone's feelings even if they will be offended. It's better to listen and apologize later than to not listen and regret it later. So good for us too. I was really happy to hear that's what they teach kids wish that's what I'd been taught. I struggle with that so much too. I'm glad it all worked out and you made a good compromise. Continue to follow that intuition.

CasMac1 02/01/2018

Hi there MaDelo,
You have those spiny tingling senses for a reason, that's called red flags. If you have them listen to yourself. If you feel comfortable leaving your boys, and you have before I would do that. Offer to take her daughter, then go to the dollar store get bags and put crayons and stickers and all sorts of things kids can sit quiet and do with you. You will know all is well and you will be at ease and enjoy your time looking for a vehicle. The girls will be fine in your vehicle with juice boxes and the dollar store stuff. If you see a vehicle you want to wheel and deal on most places have playrooms or other people rooms that the girls can sit quiet and play in. If they need you just say excuse me then go check up on them. better to be safe than sorry. As you gradually get to know this person better and you share about your life, then you will know whether or not it is a safe zone for your children.
it is always better to be on the safe side and know that there hasn't been any issues at there home that have been swept under the rug only for you to relive. always here for love and support . Casey

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