I get it and it sucks. People are just rediculous sometimes. I had one brother vacationing with my mom and step dad. My other brother waited three months to tell me my stepdad was doing computer searches on how to molest my daughter which if he had told me would have prevented the abuse. They have gone back and forth in there support and yes I would get the gossip which just upset me. I finally put my foot down I would never do the same if it was there daughters. I told them in an email that I refuse the offense and I am not willing to stay in contact while they don't support my daughter. It was hard but good decision for me. I have my daughter to worry about she comes first not all the rediculous family drama. I am not going to waste my energy trying to convince them. I hold those that support me much closer now. My grandfather was the one person who cut off contact with them and reacted like a human being about it. It happens in most family situations, you are not alone.

Can you file for full custody? Document everything and keep your cool. Present your best case. Don't let them play headgames he isn't getting custody. Do you have a good lawyer? Praying for you tonight.

I wish I could hug you. You made me feel so much better. I admire how strong you are with your family. I want to do that with those "friends" that just gossip and make me feel worse. It's like I am addicted to hearing these stories that just tear me apart.

Right now I do have full custody. We were never married, and he actually rarely ever took her for visitation because he is a drug addict. My lawyer seems knowledgeable, but it is hard to tell because he can't tell me what I want to hear, which is that everything is going to be okay. He just can't predict the future and it stinks. Thank you for being reassuring. I hope that someday I can offer the same comfort to you that you did to me.

I just can't see how he could possibly get custody, with his record of rehab and relapse. He would have to be drug tested daily! He can sound as confident as he likes -- the odds are against him. Wouldn't custody require home visits from social workers? Even under the best of circumstances, I think a judge would be really reluctant to flip full custody from one parent to another. That's too much instability for a child.

When there's an active addict in your life, it's easy to worry and to believe the worst. You never know from one moment to the next what he'll be like, and have to be concerned about your safety. It's hard to stay positive!!! Add to that the scourge of your daughter's abuse and you have 200% as many worries. Be good to yourself -- you're dealing with A LOT of crap, and yet putting your daughter's needs first. You're a good mommy. No one could do any better in such a situation than you are doing right now. Hang in there -- you have lot of support here!!!

(((HUGS))) right back. I'm glad it helped keep coming back posting the raw pain was so helpful to me I dont know what I would have done if I couldn't have gotten it out it is so toxic. It still comes back red hot at times because it is such an injustice. It took me many months to finally know that it was the best for me to cut off contact. I have NO regrets now and I know for certain I did the best thing. So sorry for what our daughters have been through and we as mothers. It is so unfair. They are princesses. I do the best each day to love her and my boys to bring joy into their life. I was recently telling my hubby I want to do a memory book for my daughter and maybe the boys too because one thing I know from early abuse is losing your memories because of the trauma. I want her to have a childhood worth remembering.

That's a good idea for yourself, too, I think, Heart. My daughter has memories of good stuff from SO long ago, before the abuse, and then...everything is tainted as "after." The same is true for us moms -- our own history has been rewritten -- "before" is before we KNEW about the abuse; after is post-disclosure. It seems as if everything we did in between was stupid and pointless -- we could have been addressing the situation immediately...if we had known. And not knowing is one of the most "unforgiveable" aspects of this -- we're parents, we are on the scene, how can we not know? Even if we understand that these manipulators ensure that we can't possibly guess, we are robbed of that privilege of feeling some sense of control over our own lives, and of our dignity as parents, the ones who know best what to do for our children. We feel as if everything we have been doing was wrong!!! Being able to remember some pure, true, good times may help restore your belief that you were a fully capable parent before this ever happened. It may help you realize that your are, maybe, an even better parent now that you know how very much your care is needed. Does that make sense?

You sound so sad....I am sorry for your pain. It seems the road ahead will be lonely, you may have to be the only voice. You will have to say it loud, and know the truth. It will set you free in time...just believe in yourself and the truth and I beleive someone will listen, hopefully it will be the law on your side. You will discover your strengh and come out on the other side with your daughter. But you must believe and hold onto the truth. May you find fleeting moments of happiness knowing this is the right path at this time.

Thank you all. I feel like I have so much to let out and I can't. I just want to run away from all of this. Everytime I do something with my daughter I just constantly wonder if this will be the last time...will he manipulate and get full custody? Even though I know that the odds are against him, I still feel doubt and worry. Yesterday, I lost it. My fiance said something to me (I can't even remember what it was) and I threw a 32 oz coke at him. It covered him and the entire inside of my car. Thursday is my court date. My lawyer is less than reassuring, although he does tell me that only supervised visitation is likely.

I am sorry to be so negative. I feel positive for everyone else when I read their stories and so sure for them that they will get better, but I feel like I am falling down a hole myself. I spend all day trying to be happy and fun for my daughters, and as soon as I get free seconds or the kids fall asleep, I just want to curl up and float away somewhere else. I hope it gets better, but I know that just the family court process itself is going to be a long road.

Thank you everyone for being so kind. I feel like I need an outlet to get this all out and I feel guilty for constantly being sad around everyone. I appreciate the kind words and prayers so very much.

You are doing great and it will get better. Give yourself lots of grace for the moment. Its okay to decompress in the evenings. I found being outside was a good mood lifter for me. So we went to parks alot. Maybe cooking or art find things that force you to concentrate but don't create a lot of stress . i did horse therapy with my boys that was wonderful. I listen to lots of devotionals especially when im down. I am still sad regularly i heard one lady say it took several years to work through the feelings around what happened so give yourself permission to mive at your pace. Also post away it helps. It helped me to not breakdown on my hubby night after night as he had a lot of other stress of a new job and big move although he is a great support I needed to vent more than him. We all have been there we get it. Praying for your court date coming up.

Lord I lift up this sister I pray that in this you are glorified. I pray that the trap her ex is laying he walks in himself. I pray that judge is not moved by his words but sees him clearly and that you would give the judge discernment and wisdom to govern over this precious child. I pray for a outcome that is better than we would think to ask. Thank you that nothing is to hard for you. I claim Lord that even in our disbelief we can come to you and ask for help and you will still perform a miracle. Grant us hooe and peace that you freely extend each day. In Jesus Name, Amen

Thank you. I am feeling better at the moment! You hd some good suggestions!