Lost, I'm also a mom whose child abused another of my children, both fully biological siblings. There is a board specifically for that at https://www.dailystrength.org/group/hearts-of-healing but I'll admit it is pretty slow, I would keep checking this one too because it is more active.

I can write more when I'm not falling asleep, but the short answer to your question is that I don't think you ever will love the perpetrator in the same way again. But you will still definitely love him.

HTH a bit.

I'm going to give you a few resources that may help. Everyone's situation is different, especially when all involved are your own children, but there are some things we have in common. Feel free to scroll down and read old posts on this board, Hearts of Healing, and elsewhere. And feel free to share more of your story any time you want.

mosac.net Mothers of Sexually Abused Children, lots of info and links
taalk.org has a call-in support group for parents of sibling abuse
stopitnow.org has a hotline, chat, and a lot of info including info on adolescent and preteen offenders, understanding and supportive of family of offenders as well as victims
support-for-families.boards.net for families of SO's; most members are still in contact and supporting the offender in some way but also includes those who have cut contact or aren't sure what to do
rainn.org rape, abuse, incest national network, has a 24/7 call-in and chat support that is excellent--especially the 24/7, confidential part

HTH

lostnconfused21, you are loved. You've been given a puzzle to solve that's far bigger than what most people are asked to manage in their lifetimes, and you deserve to take your time and feel your legitimate feelings. Please do read brknhrt's recent post:

Letter to Myself at the Time of Disclosure

It is powerful, and full of healing wisdom.

I am also a mom who's children abused each other. Personally, I still had to work through anger & sadness, even disgust & shock, but ultimately I remembered these were still both my babies. They both needed my help (counseling, legal connections, safety plans to protect them both, even from themselves). They both needed my love (boundaries, hugs, a listening ear, encouragement.) They both needed healing (time, patience, hope, a safe place to cry/scream.)
It was harder to be a mom to my perpetrating child of course, but I gave what I could. Providentially, the police dismissed our case even though CPS was still in our business for years. We allowed the family need's of our victimized child to be priority, gradually adding our perpetrating child back into the family as they felt comfortable. Our victimized child led the way for the timeline of that, with the help of counselors of course.

I can tell you that 6 years later we are doing amazingly well, living all together for a few years now, & healing is mostly completed. Of course there's life-time issues they both have to deal with BUT no more sexual abuse has occurred in our home between our children. There is a VERY different vibe when all my children spend time together now...a sweetness & joy I thought I'd never experience again! I know this can either give you hope or cause you despair. I hope it gives you a renewed hope.

Hang in there, give yourself, your children, your family time to heal, & may God bring you comfort & healing for a future that will be different than the one you imagined. <3

I just found out this weekend that my 19 year old son abused his 17 year old sister when then were 9 and 8. My son saw violent porn and self-porn/vidoes of my ex for about a year and then began acting them out on his sister. I don't know the extent of things yet or when it stopped. Both of them have been self-harming for years (left ex when they were 15 and 13 and I discovered that ex was doing all of this stuff) in various ways -- now mostly drugs and alcohol and sexually acting out. Daugher has been in therapeutic boarding school for 6 months and this finally came out after lots of trauma treatment. I thought the trauma related to her Dad -- turns out her Dad and her brother. Right now therapists and I are the only ones who know. A CPS report will be made so it will come out and I am GLAD. My daughter and son have kept this secret for so long and I was exhausted from watching the impact of how they are hurting themselves and not understanding why. And I didn't know why my daugther was always so angry at me. This has been an eye-opener but I expect the coming weeks will be even tougher.

So, so sorry to hear this, MoonandBack. But I hope that getting this on the table is a step on the journey to both of your kids finding a way out of this mess. There is another board, Hearts of Healing, on DS that has quite a few posts from others whose child sexually abused a brother or sister. It's a pretty slow board, but a couple of us check it and you can read and know you're not alone.

It is SOOO complicated when a child who was a victim then sexually harms another child. And such an under-represented scenario in writing around sexual abuse, although it's sadly not uncommon at all. stopitnow.org has a lot of good resources for understanding, and they have a live chat and phone line that's staffed during USA business hours which could be a good source of info and support. You're right, it will be the next leg of your family's long journey.

Wishing you as many moments of peace as you can get, lostnconfused21 and MoonandBack. This is a time when you truly must "stop and smell the roses": go for walks, listen for birds. New research (https://tinyurl.com/558hkkwu) shows that listening to birds sing can decrease stress. Grounding exercises (https://tinyurl.com/49j5f5c6) are super helpful as well, and you can do many of them (such as #11 and #23) even in the middle of the grocery store. Do try walking barefoot in the grass every opportunity you get. These simple activities remind us that we are still part of an important bigger picture, and that we are enough for the moment.