Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I feel like going to sleep, waking up to feel like it was a bad dream. I feel like waving a white flag and surrendering. I feel like driving my car until I run out of gas and starting a new life. I want to roll up in a ball and cry until it is all gone. I'm just so tired. So tired of holding it all together for everyone else. So tired of being the strong one. So tired of being the one to deal with the kids meltdowns. So tired of putting on my happy face. I WANT TO GO TO A HAPPY PLACE (where ever that is), a place where this could never happen.
We've come so far, yet we're still so far away. There are some days I wake up and say, "Bring it!" and feel like I can take on the world. Those days are becoming farer and fewer between. It's been so many years since disclosure and we've moved, grown, healed (or whatever we want to call it) so much, yet... When there's a setback it just takes so much out of me. I just don't know how much more I have to give.
We've come so far, yet we're still so far away. There are some days I wake up and say, "Bring it!" and feel like I can take on the world. Those days are becoming farer and fewer between. It's been so many years since disclosure and we've moved, grown, healed (or whatever we want to call it) so much, yet... When there's a setback it just takes so much out of me. I just don't know how much more I have to give.
Are you able to get some additional support right now with handling the kids meltdowns? I will say that parenting has never been more intense than when dealing with a child whose been traumatized. I completely understand about feeling overwhelmed by that intensity that is in my opinion way more than I would normally be handling. But what are we to do our kids still need us. I agree that healing isn't somewhere you arrive as much as a process that continues. There are times where more healing is taking place and times where there is a reprieve from the work. Praying your reprieve is just around the corner.
It is very hard to accept that this is apart of life on this earth. That children are harmed in such severe ways. I watched a documentary on the child sex slave issue (I know I ignored it for quite a while not wanting to be triggered.) but one of the main problems with the public is they push away from the knowledge that such things happen around them. The documentary said that americans were the number one consumer of child porn. And you know I'd have to agree who wants to know that this happens and to the severity. I'd much rather live in a place where this could never happen as you say. It takes courage to live with the reality that it is such a huge problem and that problem has touched OUR lives and wont go away.
I'm a christian and I've read in the bible how pagan cultures would sacrifice children as offerings to their gods. Their own children and I remember being horrified that not only that happened but that it would be recorded in the word of God. I mean there is so much on sexual immorality throughout the bible but along with the accounts there is always God who says I never asked you to sacrifice your children it is an abomination and countless scripture on immorality and that it leads to destruction. It says all other sins are outside the body but sexual sin is a sin against your own body. It corrupts who you are inside. So this has been happening all along and continues to this day and I suppose there is no end until God puts a final end to it all. And in some way it brings me comfort to know this isn't something new and horrible it is just horrible. God in His word recorded his displeasure in children being harmed. Jesus elevated children saying The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these (speaking of little children). How wonderful to know we serve a God who cares about children and values and treasures children just as we do our children. Another verse right after says it is better that a milestone be hung around your neck and drowned than for you to harm one of these. I wish I knew all the ways of His plans towards our victimized children but I know for me He has restored so much in me that I don't feel that affected anymore by the abuse I suffered. I know if He can do it for me He can do it for my daughter and your children. In the meantime trust Him to carry the weight and to sort it all out along the way. Not once for all but a continual process experienced as you walk with Him. All along the way you will receive what you need to face that moment and then you will be increased to face another moment. We all face challenges along the way they will come as surely as the waves that line the ocean shore but so do God's blessings and joy and goodness right along. I Corinthians 2:9 No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him. I tended to always pull toward the pessimistic side, if something bad was going to happen it would probably happen to me right but why on earth would God say so many beautiful things about the good He wants to pour out on us. Like Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you sayth the Lord, plans for good and not evil. I mean why would that even be in there except perhaps He does and He will. Hope you are encouraged you are not alone and have not been from the beginning to the end as the Lord says in Mathew 28:20 And be sure of this: I am with you always even to the end of the age. I found this one tonight Isaiah 62:4 Never again will you be called "The Forsaken City" or "The Desolate Land" Your new name will be "The City of God's Delight" and "The Bride of God", for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his bride. Wow isn't that wonderful that is speaking of restoration something that was laid waste God has taken up and given newness and unspeakable value too. Blessings on you tonight! Keep fighting the good fight!
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over <blank> - that our lives had become unmanageable
Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God
In other words, this allows you to try a little faith and detach from the pain and from the feeling that we have to work so hard to try to control the situations of others (and out own).It sounds so quick and easy, but it may take daily practice, and self-forgiveness if we make a mistake.
Please note that Step 3 only says, "Made a decision to...." and not "Turned our lives over to the care of God." We have only made that decision -- actually turning life over to the care of God can take a lifetime -- but making the decision says you are doing all you can to have faith for today.
Our children's trauma is so difficult for us to accept -- really, no matter how far we come, I think it's safe to say that we can never really accept it. Nonetheless, you have done amazingly hard work to help your children. You still can help your children, but with a bit more detachment to preserve your mental health. Following these steps can make a big difference toward achieving that goal.My heart goes out to you -- I, too, am still sometimes deeply triggered, and I still struggle to follow these steps, but daily practice is taking me in the right direction.
I hope that I don't come off as overly spiritual in my responses it is just that I am wrestling with it all myself and thats what it is... getting it out and trying to find some sort of alignment/reconciliation in myself and my beliefs once again. It is very hard to assimilate God and His word in the midst of such deep suffering and trauma. I was thinking of Job tonight and the trauma of losing everything even his health and it always stood out to me where it says after everything was doubled and returned his friends comforted him because of all that he had gone through. It changes things, it changes you. Typing sometimes is my therapy I also do a private blog where I get out things from time to time it seems to help me.
We're nearly 8 yrs into this thing and my boys are all teenagers now. There's things I have hidden from them and wish I wouldn't have (for my own sanity). Things like visiting with grandparents (who have been in denial and think the whole thing was fabricated). My kids don't know about the horrible things they have said and how they really feel about things. In the beginning I figured they were as hurt as we were, but would eventually come around, so I allowed my children to stay in contact with them. Now so much time has gone by I know that will never happen and I think too much time has gone by to break it to my children, yet one more blow they do not need. So I take the pain, I take the punishment but have made it very clear that if they ever show anything but outwardly support to my boys the tables will turn. While I am happy that my boys don't have a clue and still feel the love from people that should be supporting them but don't, it just kills me a little bit each time I have to talk or spend any time with them. For the sake of my children I do. I can't help but think this is going to come back to bite me in the rear end sometime in the future. I should have pulled that bandaid off years ago, but what to do now? Holiday's are always the hardest.
Naive, I am going to try to implement the 12 step program. Having specific goals to meet may be exactly what I need.