Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
This summer my nephew (14 years old at the time) coerced and pressured my son (15 years old at the time) into unwanted sexual contact. When he told me I immediately told my sister. My son has all the love and support of me, my husband, our daughter, my mom, his therapist, his friends, etc. He's surrounded by people who believe him and care about him. My sister got her son to therapy and has come to the conclusion that 'it didn't happen the way' I think it did.
We aren't talking, our other sister won't talk about it. We are isolated from the bigger family, being excluded. It's so painful. I'm raging and sad and hurt and feel so lonely. I just want someone who's been here to talk to.
In the meantime, while your sister has gotten her son to therapy, you must plan to get your son -- and yourself -- into therapy. Here are some resources for you....
www.mosac.net
....and your son:
www.1in6.org
www,rainn.org
In addition, you will need to discuss the idea of reporting your nephew's behavior to your local police department. It is likely your duty by law to do so. A therapist must also report. It's not a matter or whether, but of when.
I know how it feels to see no earthly justice in this situation. And my heart goes out to you for that as well as for how lonely you feel. I had good family support, but lived in an area where it was tough to make deep friendships (because everyone was perfect, of course). I told two friends, but they were unable to grasp how much pain I was in. Of course! Because this is a "you have no idea" situation. Those who haven't experienced it truly can't appreciate how crushing the pain/rage/shock/grief/guilt are.
People sort of have a clue about how it might be to lose a loved one -- that's something we all expect will happen to us in life. And most of us expect that our loved ones will die a "normal" death in old age. No one expects that someone we know will kill our child -- that carefree child we knew is gone -- and not be arrested for it, or that it will tear our family apart, and that the whole thing is an unspeakable taboo, rather than an opportunity to support the survivor family.
We used to talk in this group about how this is a "no casseroles" situation. No one realizes that you're just barely functioning, and how difficult it is to endure simple ventures out (seeing happy children at the grocery store made me feel as if I were being stabbed repeatedly). PTSD -- and that's what you and your son are suffering -- is an intensely painful illness for which no one thinks to drop off a meal.
You are lonely, but you are NOT alone.