On Thursday 7th April 2023, my 3.5yr old daughter did not want to go to my mothers house whilst I was at work. Which was odd behaviour as my daughter normally loves my mum, and being a single mum with absolutely no involvement from my daughters father, my mum has been a huge support for us since day one. I vaguely remembered she had also cried the week prior when having to go my mothers house, however this particular day it was much worse, she was literally kicking and screaming not wanting to go. So I told my mum she's not going and she stayed with me at work that day. When I asked her later that day why she didn’t want to go, her response was; “I don’t want to play with Pa” (pa being my step father, my mothers husband of 10years) 

Over the next two days I explored it more and more with my daughter, her responses that followed were: ‘I don’t like how Pa cuddles me in bed’ ‘He has fluffy things on his skin’ ‘He cuddles me inside my tummy’ and ‘I know pa’s face, I know pa’s name but I don’t know pa’s body’ 

On Saturday 9th April I reported child sexual abuse to the police. 

Since that day, our entire world has been complete turmoil. 

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't parent, I can't think, I haven't been able to work as I've got no one to look after my daughter. I can't go a day without crying.
I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for sending my daughter there. I thought she was safe, I thought if anyone loved my daughter anywhere close to as much as what I do, I thought that person was my mother. 

My mother is supporting my step father. She says that I've ruined so many lives by repeating what my daughter had told me. She's told me I need to apologise to my stepfather, because he's such a well respected member of our community. She also states the reason why this hasn't happened is because she's with my daughter 24/7 when she's there. Which is not true. She has made me question myself and my daughter so much at the start of all of this, which has had a lasting impact on my daughter, as she thinks I didn't believe her. I don't know what my mother has told my entire extended family, but they have all turn them back on us. 4 days after I found out, my Nanna passed away. We couldn't go to the funeral because he was going, and I didn't want my daughter to ever have to see him again, plus I didn't know if I could of controlled myself. My family wouldn't tell him not to go.
No one believes us.
i've had some of my closest friends drift away from me, I'm not sure why. 
I've never felt so alone or so broken before in my entire life. 
To make matters even worse, I feel like I went through all the trauma of finding out this horrific news twice. I was struggling to wrap my head around my mother's behaviour and why she was so angry at us, especially me, when all I wanted to do was advocate for my daughter. I thought she would understand. I'd lost my #1 support system when it came to my daughter, Id tell my mum everything. My daughter had been telling me since day one that it was my mother who is telling her not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret. After about a month I came to the realisation that my mother was aware of what was happening. She had been making ppoor excuses as to why my daughter couldn't stay there lately, we normally she would want to soak up every second with my daughter. She bought me a car late last year, when she's never giving me a cent in my entire life. She wouldn't participate in a lie detector test, even though I told her, if it came back clear for her, she would be able to visit my daughter at my house under my supervision. She's blocked my number. Either way, She standing by him and not supporting us. 
my daughter misses her grandmother. She doesn't understand why I'm not letting her see her right now. 
My daughter's behaviour, since realising that what happened to her was very very wrong, has completely gone downhill. She's not confident any more. She stares into space and then gets really angry for no reason. She gets triggered by the smallest things. She's angry. She throws things, she's mad at me. The police said that they would offer referrals for her to seek therapy, but they haven't. I also only found out recently that they've close the case due to insufficient evidence to support my claims. And when we went in there for our initial interview with police, my daughter llied to police because she was scared. It's taken her three months to barely open up to me, of course she's not gonna disclose to police at a police station literally a week after she first told me she didn't want to go to my mums. 

I just feel like no matter what I do I'm doing the wrong thing. I feel like I'm pushing everyone away, even though I'm not meaning too. And I feel like I'm not getting any support at all from anyone.

I've been betrayed before, but this has cut me deep. I don't know if these wounds will ever heal. This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. Ive even thought about ending it, my daughter doesn't deserve this. She already didn't have a father, didn't have a second set of grandparents, she sure as hell doesn't deserve a broken mother. She deserves a family with a mother and a father and siblings and grandparents. She's got none of that. She's just got me now. And the way I am at the moment is nowhere near good enough for what she needs and deserves. 

I want to kill him. I want him to suffer the way my daughter has suffered and will continue to her whole life. At the very least, I want him behind bars. How is it that he's not getting punished for what he's done? He is just going about his life like nothing has happened. When myself and my daughter are over here suffering every single day because of this. How is it that my word as my daughter's mother is not enough? Yeah I can make every other decision in that little girls life, from what she wears to what she eats, to which kindergarten she goes too. I'm struggling being okay with this justice system.

I'm looking for any advice, or support. 

As I feel like I need to do everything I can to create the best possible life for my daughter.