Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I am really struggling,my daughter has been in crisis for over a year now,we are so close to inpatient.Our car is now done,so we don't even have a car to drive.we are living paycheck to paycheck and we rely on food pantries for our groceries,we don't even shop.Our car breaking down was the last straw.I have always trusted God to get me through but never in my life have I been in this much despair,financial trouble and I just don't understand.Why doesn't He intervine?my daughter is in agony,she has let go of the little faith she had left,she is questioning if there is a God,she is going down a road I don't like.I have always lived simply,I never was one to dream of riches.I try to be good,I go to church and can't even tithe right now.I am lost.
So many of our neighbors (as well as ourselves) are in the same kind of financial boat, even if it doesn't look like it. Some of them do not respond with dignity, as you are doing. We had a neighbor in another town -- we lived in an upscale neighborhood -- who we used to run into daily. One day we realized it had been a few days since we'd seen him. Another neighbor said, "Yeah, he's in prison." Jaws dropped! The guy had been paying his bills with money he had embezzled.
Financial trouble makes emotional crisis so much worse. Not only are we losing our minds trying to save a life, but we're also uncertain how we'll make the mortgage. Don't worry about tithing. I found this discussion that may help you see that you're allowed to put your own needs first -- NO one in your church who knew how much you were already spending on therapists would expect you to give to the church, too. You wouldn't expect someone in your position to tithe either, so give yourself the same break. Here's the tithing discussion: http://www.tithing-russkelly.com/id23.html
I sent you my phone number. Please text if you like.
You KNOW that there is a God. Do not let that precious wisdom be stolen from you because of the perp's sin! You should know that tithe isn't about how much is given but the heart. Remember the story of the widow giving the smallest tithe possible, a mite, and how Jesus told his disciples that she was giving more than even the priests because He knew what a huge sun that was in HER circumstances! God knows where you're at. Even if all you can tithe is a penny, He see's your heart's faith and sacrifice.
During our past few years of Hell, we literally would throw chunk change in the tray as our tithe simply because that is ALL we had "leftover." We too had to go on WIC, go to food banks, even go to this one place that gave $20 gas cards for dr. apts. We've had one barely functioning car, had to sell so much of our precious stuff to pay bills (I've had WAY more garage sales than I want to claim!), lost friends, family, our daughter and young son refused to pray and questioned God's reality also, not to mention all our health issues, almost lost our house...what I'm trying to say is that I KNOW what you're going through and you WILL get through it! So will your baby girl. It will take LOTS of time, perseverance, patience, faith and hope but you WILL make it out and FOR THE BETTER. You will be wiser, stronger, have more faith and your testimony will help others.
Don't question WHY but instead question WHO you can influence and show the truth of God's love to in your journey of struggle? HOW can you get through, kind of a spiritual safety plan...WHAT are you learning? A great imagery that helped me was to NOT let the devil win this TOO! My life's motto verse is Romans 8:28..."For we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who are the called according to His purposes." Another verse which many know is Proverbs 3:5..."Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean NOT on YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." A great verse to meditate on is Jeremiah 29:11..."For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
And you know what? This will be our first month being able to follow completely a good budget that included normal tithing in over 3 years! We even have savings that's going towards a family trip! (Granted, we're paying minimal payments on medical bills to aid this.) BUT, it's happening. And we wouldn't appreciate it as much if we hadn't been as horribly off as we had been. TRUST me. It makes it SO much more sweet now that we've been through tough times and now have "normal" finances. lol Not perfect, but steady. And we're all healthy! Something I never seemed to really see as a blessing but now I TOTALLY do!
One step, one day at a time. Don't look ahead, don't look behind, just be the best you can be in the present. There's a quote up on the wall at the hematology/oncology clinic:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, which is why we call it the PRESENT!"
Big Hugs to you and your daughter. One day at a time.
Have you heard of sermonaudio.com ? They have SO many online sermons with so many subjects and you can listen to one after you work in the evening while drinking a glass of wine, sitting in your p.j.s with your feet up on the couch. ;) You will be blessed either at church or through an audio sermon. It will encourage you for the week.
In August my life and the life of my family drastically changed forever. My whole world was shattered and broken. This new knowledge I had gained was going to destroy me. I just knew it, how could this work out for the good? Of course in true awesome God fashion he used Elijah by saying "This WILL NOT break us. We WILL NOT let it. It WILL strengthen us."
At the beginning I directed my anger in the direction of the rightfully blamed person. I was leaning on God and prayer. I was making it through, barely but I was making it. Then my anger shifted. I would walk out of church services on Sunday angry. I would stop worshiping, unable to say the words "how great is our God" "He is a good good father" or "I need you". I was unable to ask God for help or even willing to open my heart, mind or ears to the messages He was screaming at me. Though I knew this anger was not being directed at the right being. The devil was toying with me and swaying me in this direction. I knew I wanted to lean on God and continue my walk with him. I knew I needed my faith in God more than ever now. I knew I needed to continue to be an example for my children with my walk with God. So I played that role out by going to church every time the church doors were open. Being in the presences of God physically.
The more I played into this just being physically here role and because of my own understanding, or lack there of, the more angry I became, the more I began to blame God for this situation ever happening. I was hurt because I not only lost my earthly father but I lost my Heavenly Father as well. I was truly broken. I was such an angry person. I had such disdain and hatred in my heart. I was faithless. I was just plain ugly.
I woke up one Sunday ready to wash my hands of the anger, ready to start back on my walk with God, ready for Him. I dropped the kids off at Sunday School with a genuine smile and a have wonderful morning and went off to my own Sunday School class. I was ready for God's message I knew He had for me. I was ready to be here not only physically but mentally and emotionally. I was ready to run into His wide open arms. It didn't happen to me. We talked about Moses leading the Israelite to a dead end with the Pharaoh on their heels because that is where God lead them. Then God made this miraculous gesture and gave Moses the power to divide the Red Sea for them all to get away. God had put me in the corner. I was ready for Him to open up the corner to greener pastures. I was waiting, why wasn't it happening? I wasn't angry anymore. What was the deal.
BOOM straight seeing red anger again. I left out of Sunday School when it was over and into the Sanctuary. I didn't want to be there. I went and got coffee and a donut to try and distract myself. Worship started up and I just stood there, arms crossed holding back tears of anger. I went to the ladies room to straighten myself out and put myself back together. On the way back to sit down I told myself that I was leaving. I sat down to gather my things and there was so much. I had my purse, pens, notebook, bible, phone, coffee, donut and napkin, bulletin, sermon notes, just too much to gather up without distracting others I felt. It wouldn't have be a quick exit without being noticed. So I stayed. As soon as Pastor was done with his sermon I was out the door promising myself to never return.
Another week full of conflict within myself. I was becoming exhausted with it all. I was done I didn't know how much longer I could go on like this. I had tried to talk to my all knowing amazing God fearing leader of a husband but my anger angered him and threw him into defensive mode for his God that didn't do anything to help our relationship in a already hard situation. So I never brought it up to him again, I tried to talk to other people about it but I never got the answer I was looking for. I never felt complete again after talking to them. So Sunday morning rolled around. I told Elijah I didn't feel up to going to church so I was just going through the motions of a regular morning.
I took the dogs out and it hit me. I just started praying out of no where. Now I had not prayed at ALL for weeks or even months. Not even after seeing police or the fire department speeding past me to an emergancy or when a friend would share a prayer request. (I am so sorry for that) But I prayed that morning. I prayed harder than I feel like I have ever prayed before in my life. I begged and pleaded with God to free me, to walk with me again and to strengthen my faith again. I told Him the seed had been sown and the stones, thorns and bad soil were beginning to smother and kill the seed completely. I begged for Him to take control and give me His strength again to lean on. I needed Him and I wanted Him back in my heart. I needed Him to make it through this trial.
I went back inside and told Lij I was feeling better and wanted to go to church. So of course in the only way us DeLoachs know how to get ready, we quickly rushed to make it to Sunday School. I dropped the kids off praying for God to be with me, to walk with me. I walked through the side door of the church, pleading with God to stay with me. I walked into the library with a deep breath. I sat down with yet another prayer and prepared for God's lesson. I couldn't tell you today what the lesson was but I know it made me feel free and released. I walked into the Sanctuary like I had every week prior but with a different mindset and emotions. I took my place next to my sisters and I prayed. God continue to be with me. Use my mouth for Your glory. Come through me for those around me to hear Your words. And I sang. Man I sure sang that day. With God by my side I praised Him hard that morning. I cried, I laughed, I was free. I was home again. With my family, hiding nothing, free.
Looking back now I realize I was praying for Him to stay with me, to not leave me, to come up beside me and stand with me. God never left me. I was never alone through any of the situation, the shock of it all, the anger nonsense and I will never be alone through anything.
I still struggle don't get me wrong. I'm human. But everything is for the good. There is no doubt about that. My next big step in faith was when my husband, my rock, my self esteem booster, my confidence encourager left for our very first deployment together just a few short months after our world was shaken. It really stinks. Making every decision for our family, walking alone by myself, just being a geographically single mom, feeling so alone. But my daily challenge is to remind myself that I am NEVER alone. I forever have God by my side or even carrying me, using my brothers and sisters in Christ for encouragement and strengthening when He knows I can't or am not willing to hear Him. He shows me every single day but bringing a Cardinal into my yard, my children laughing real true painful belly laughs, getting mail that isn't junk or a bill, every word of wisdom I am blessed with, having the ability to tell my husband I love him ever morning and every night. My God is with me! My God is good!
And now I will bring this plane in for a landing and finish up with this. I challenge you to find your blessing in every single day. Just three blessings at the end of the day and not the clique ones, like waking up or the sun shining but real deep heart warming meaningful blessings.
And now, I will share with you a song of truth about my God.
Biblical stories about people who lost faith are there for times like these. It's normal to feel abandoned when we beg for help and seem to receive nothing. Remember that Mother Teresa was an atheist for years while doing her life's work in Kolkata. I don't know if she ever recovered her faith. But she continued, as you are doing, and made a difference, as you are doing. Where would your daughter be without your support?? Maybe God's sign is that you won't give up on your daughter.
By the way, the idea that God won't give us more than we can handle is from a particular version/translation of the Bible, and I think it makes a lot of people feel really bad when they are already reeling from tragedy. The text in most Bibles actually says that we will not be TEMPTED beyond God's ability to help us. Temptation is quite different from despair. I'm rarely tempted to do anything wicked, but despair is a constant companion in the face of tragedy and injustice. I don't think anyone would blame you for feeling as you do. Just know that you are not alone. You have my constant support. Maybe that's God reaching out to you through insignificant me, and through the rest of us here.
KEEP GOING. It seems to me that you ARE doing the Lord's work, that he is so tightly by your side that you just can't see him. Maybe he doesn't want you to look away from your daughter in order to look at him. If you want something to thank God for, wrap your arms around yourself and hug gently. I"m thankful, too, that you're there for your daughter.
Text anytime.