Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

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My daughter was groomed and now she hates me

Mags1
Mags1

My daughter was groomed and i reported him now she blames me. It started when she was 15 and i found out when she was 16, he was 36 and brainwashed her into thinking he was the only person that cared about her. I reported him to the police and we are waiting to go to court but she hates me for it, not just me her dad too. I dont know what to do, she is in counselling and the doc put her on beta blockers so we are going through all the steps but how can we get passed this? She has a part time job in a take away and this is where is happened but the take away is owned by the groomers sister and my daughter wont leave this job either. The groomer is no longer there. Any advice? Im not in a place where i have a support system i live far away from my family and ive never properly made a close circle of friends i can turn to.

Mn8961
Mn8961
I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have no advice for you. You did the right thing protecting her. Give her time to gain perspective on the situation. For me, my faith gets me through each day. I know the isolation that happens.
Mags1
Mags1
It is such an isolating time with no one really to turn to. How are you coping?
Naive1.2
Naive1.2
Brainwashing is a powerful experience, and takes a long time to deprogram, not just a moment of truth, or even many moments of truth. It's to your advantage that your daughter is a minor, and that you can discuss her progress with her therapist. If she is working with a competent trauma therapist, this is a concern you can address with her. She should have good suggested reading as well as suggestions for how you can help your daughter begin to see the misconceptions she accepted as the truth. But it probably won't be anything as direct as talking about it with your daughter head-on. This will only bring more resistance. She has invested a LOT in this man's word, because it was imperative for her survival. Avoid pushback. You can say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," but saying, "No, that's not true" will only make his words echo louder in her head. You may have to put up with a lot more anger from your daughter, so prepare for it. Remind yourself that this is part of her healing and you are strong enough to help her. Prepare yourself for the kinds of barbs she is likely to fling and know that your acceptance of her anger will help her see you as the safe place you are.

My heart goes out to you. I am still the punching bag, at times, ten years after disclosure. I know it's because she needs an outlet. She usually apologizes later. Emotional regulation is really tough for abused children to manage.
anonymous2024
anonymous2024
My daughters have hated me too. They were sexually abused by their step father. We divorced. I tell my daughters when they’re raging that I love them and it’s okay if they hate me the rest of their lives and that I can handle it. Something transitions as soon as the anger is named, seen, and space is held for it.
pearl1325
pearl1325
Is it any better now ? I’m in the same situation. It’s getting so bad every day