Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
On July 7th my world turned upside down. I discovered that my 10 year old daughter had been molested and raped by my then boyfriend. Someone I loved and trusted with her. I feel so broken, how did I not know, why didn't she ever tell me what was going on. She never even hinted at it nothing. If I hadn't gone through his phone I would have never known and it would still be going on. How do I keep going every day knowing what he did to her....
Some reasons why children don't tell:
1.) The abuser has threatened to harm the child and/or the parents if the child tells (this is VERY common -- my daughter held her secret for 15 years because the monster convinced her that he could keep an eye on her and would kill our whole family if she told).
2.) The child is in shock. Nothing shuts down entire parts of our brains, hearts, and spirits like shock. It's what puts us in either a fight/flight/freeze mode -- and sexual abuse seems to cause many children to freeze -- it's simply too overwhelming to do anything else.
3.) The child is in denial -- the automatic protective measure that tells us something traumatic didn't really happen
4.) The child is afraid of hurting the safe person with such upsetting news.
5.) The child feels deep shame (even though the abuse was not her/his fault), and fears rejection by the safe person.
Or, all or any combination of the above.
Now you know the truth. Some steps you'll need to take:
• report the crime to your local police, or, if you don't trust the police, call your district attorney's office
• get therapy for your daughter (the therapist can then report the crime)
• get therapy for yourself. Do not neglect this step -- do this within the next day or so. I will bump up a thread "Why You Need a Therapist of Your Own."
Other resources:
• www.mosac.net, for a thorough examination of the issue of child sexual abuse
• The Facebook page started by the founder of www.mosac.net:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/499500870923726/posts/1165201101020363/?comment_id=1166165967590543¬if_id=1665630155569286¬if_t=group_comment_reply
• www.stopitnow,org -- try the hotline. Talking about this, saying the words, can reduce the loneliness you feel right now
Tragically, you are NOT alone in this journey. But you are loved.
I hope you know we are not the only ones.
Reach out if you want to talk.