Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
They were best friends in kindergarten through 2 nd grade,we moved,they continued their friendship for awhile,she moved away and moved back and they again stayed friends they list contact. After 3 years or so they reconnected tonight.I have to say I always felt uneasy when they played at the girl's house,I dont know why,just a weird feeling.She now lives with her father because her mothers boyfriend started abusing her,I dont know what kind of abuse but you all know where my mind went.It made me think,what is with a mom who lets their boyfriend/husband abuse their child ,loose custody of that child and stay with the man?I know,I have heard stories here about that very subject. I am very nervous about my daughter reconnecting with this girl,well I would be uneasy about any new friend,i dont trust,and then my daughter told me the girl's 18 year old cousin lives there,I hate that I wonder about that.I hate that I think there is something wrong withthat. Actually I have never been comfortable with my daughter going to any ones house to play,which is why I normally had friends here. I second guess myself now,I wish I could move us to a deserted island and keep her away from people.The world is a cold,cruel,hard place.
What a difficult decision to make. Of course you want your daughter to have friends, but.....take control. If the girls want to get together, meet only in public places, where you can monitor their contact and where you can get a sense for the dad.
While I recommend caution with re-establishing a friendship with this particular girl, my concern is mostly about the dad. As we know from 96Percent's experience, custody issues are not always what they appear; you need to feel safe about the dad from your observations and discussions before leaving the girls with him. That said, it seems like a good thing to me for her to have a friend who has suffered something similar to waht she has. They'll need to have a little space to talk even if you're close by. Yes, this is going to become more complicated with age. You'll want to think about (and discuss with your daughter's therapist and your own -- do you have one, yet?) what your basic non-negotiables are, such as your daughter's checking in with you frequently when she's away, or a curfew, or a minimum number of adults on hand for friendly gatherings, etc.