I'm so sorry your family is going through this. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for her and now you have to trust the process and take care of yourself. It might help you to be in counseling too especially in the early phases just to have someone to talk to and bounce ideas off of. I joined a celebrate recovery group so I could work through it there and its been helpful. At her age she just needs to work through it the best she can and you just being there and letting her know how proud you are and how much you love her will be enough.

My deepest sympathies, mummykke. And I am so sorry to see another newcomer, but I know we are but a fraction of the parents affected daily by such revelations.

Your daughter's measured disclosure is quite typical. Kids are unsure of how much horror we parents can take -- after all, one reason they disclose later like your daughter (and mine) is because they wanted to protect us from something they know will hurt our hearts. And of course, they are miserable recalling the details themselves, so there's no payoff to tell everything at once.

I agree with Heartsadx3, above -- you're doing everything you can, even though you probably feel plenty powerless. This is a time to give as much as you can to whatever higher power you recognize. There is so little we can control, but offering an ear, a shoulder, and all our support, for a child who may or may not be ready to accept it, is one thing we can manage. The other thing is self-care. This is torture. This is heartbreak. As much as you want to focus on your daughter, you MUST place your own needs first, or at least on a par with those of your daughter. She needs to see what healthy self-care looks like so she can follow your example. She may not be ready to do so yet, but she needs to see that you can still be the mom she was trying to protect, as much as you can manage to be.

My heart goes out to you. Thankfully, you've found a great group of supporters here, many with stories similar to your own. You are not alone.

Please check out www.mosac.net -- a "must" stop for a general overview and specific explanations of what you're going through. And I will bump up our RESOURCES thread.

So sorry for all your daughter and you are going thru, but glad you reached out here for support. Our sons also didn't disclose for years b/c they didn't want to hurt us and were ashamed. When they did, they were adults so we could only love and support them, find resources and just suggest things. One book that was helpful for them is How Long Does It Hurt by Cynthia Mather; it's specifically for teens, their families and friends. I was able to find a used one for a very good price online. I found it very good, as well as the MOSAC site Naive mentioned above. Counseling also helped us all. I think some of your daughter's not letting you in would have happened at her age naturally, but it may certainly be increased because of the abuse. Know you are doing the right things, and let her know you love her, she did nothing wrong, the hurt is b/c of him-not her, and you will help however she needs you to. My heart goes out to you and your family...

My daughter's abuser was also her older half-brother whom she adored like crazy. He made her feel like she had to keep the secret to protect him and it seems like that did more damage than the actual abuse did. I'm sorry your daughter is going through this as well. When the abuser is a sibling, it takes things to an even more difficult place because of the family split. I hope she can open up in counseling and find a way to feel better.

Thank you all so much for your support.
She started medication today which hopefully will dull the pain slightly,and is seeing the counsellor three times a week.
She is still living with my sister and will not come home- she says its because she can see the hurt her disclosure has caused in our eyes.
I feel if if i have lost her forever .......... I lost my son three years ago due to what he did............ and now my daughter who did nothing