Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Paulec, I hope you can take comfort that he will be punished.

Sadly I can not, HoytJP... I am an atheist. Bt I do appreciate the support and insight from your perspective. Unfortunately. it does not speak to me.

It is never too late to deal with it. You are a hero for dealing with it at all and surviving it in the first place. You are setting things right for your life now! As a survivor, you make me very proud. It can be almost impossible at times to deal with abuse but you are doing it and that monster will now know that you will no longer keep his secrets.

What matters is your life going forward from this day. You are not allowing him to take one more happy moment from your life. I am sorry that your family is not supporting you. Family doesn't have to be blood. Allow us to support you and cheer you on to a happier life lived from a place of honesty and respect. You are showing other survivors how healing is done!!

Warmly, Laura

I will absolutely pass along your words of sad experience to my own daughter, who is reluctant to address her own childhood abuse.

Like Laura, above, I am also proud of your strength, and your effort to seek justice. That alone is a victory. I am also unsure about the afterlife, and I'm not really concerned about whether or not I ever have one, but one reason I hope there is an afterlife is expressly so these monsters can suffer in equal measure for the suffering they caused.

You absolutely have my support. And now you get to enjoy the rest of your life knowing that idiot's essence been flung off the planet forever. He will soon be mere molecules.

As for your mom, she will have to spend however long as she chooses in a state of uncertainty about her own motives for punishing you for speaking the truth, rather than the man who admitted to committing felonies against you. I sure hope she gets over it, and breaks through her own denial, because she is losing one brave daughter who has stuck by her for all these years.

Hang in there -- you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing.

Paulec - one thing I can pretty for certain tell you - is that if you asked this man why he abused you, you would get a lie. They lie, they lie, they lie. And so all the rest of your life if he did tell you - you would go from one question "why" only to a new question "was that the truth he told me". Personally, neither would make me feel better. To understand why he did this to you - it's probably the same answer as it is among all perps - seeking power and control due to inability to assert himself among adults.
He knows he's not forgiven - I'm sure your mom filled him in on those details too? Just because they lie and act like nothing wrong doesn't mean they know better.
One thing that has always helped me recover from bad acts of bad people - out of sight out of mind. Now there's a sense of permanence there for you.

Most of all tho - I am sorry for your loss of unfinished business. I hope in time you will find peace.

From someone who has worked through my own abuse and what I learned in group for survivors is that sometimes confrontations like you suggest are beneficial but other times it can be more wounding and sickening and not beneficial to the important thing presently and that is gaining healing and moving forward. I have heard of therapy that includes a technique called "chair time" where you can freely spew your anger at an object like a chair that represents your step dad also I've heard it done with trained people who will stand in for your step dad it is done in a therapy session and not on your own or with untrained people so you will feel supported emotionally through the process and there is some containment if the emotions become too overwhelming.

I am doing emdr which I find very beneficial. Unless you have told him specifically you forgive him than I would assume he believes he is unforgiven. I know when I confronted my step dad who was a believer he believed he would go to hell for what he did...even though when I was young my mom forced me to forgive him and he continued to be in my life from then until recently. Now he has sexually abused my daughter I only hope he feels an even heavier weight of guilt and punishment for what he has done and continues to do. Regardless though I feel no ties to him whatsoever I did forgive him for his abuse of me and I feel completely free now my daughter that is something in process. The bottom line is he can't hurt us anymore and I know who he is. My life will be bigger than the pathetic cowardly life he lived and continues to live. I expect that he will pay for his actions over and over again and I do believe God will avenge on my behalf so I don't need to.

You have every right to your feelings and wanting revenge and answers. I do believe that perhaps down the road you will look back and see how the circumstances were lined up for a purpose.

Wishing you the best on your path.

One specific example from my recovery book was a woman in your shoes who's father was in the hospital on his death bed she was able to have a conversation with him about the abuse and his response was I knew when you were a baby kicking up your legs you wanted me to have sex with you. The author's comment was for most victims this would have been more damaging and wounding however the victim was able to process it and move forward.

Hoping that you can find a way to move forward and heal despite not being able to confront your step-father. I will never understand those who support the perpetrator and turn their backs on the survivor, particularly when it is their own flesh and blood.

I never confronted the man who abused me as a child, never really thought about it. I'm sure he would be dead by now as it is over 40 years ago and I have only begun to work through my abuse this year. I have tried to confront my mother about my father physically and emotionally abusing me and she always closes up and says that his intentions were good which only makes me angrier. My dad is now 88 and has dementia so I can't discuss anything with him. The best thing I suggest is to work through the effects with a counsellor specialised in trauma. Write a letter to the perpetrator and possibly even your mother and brother. Give your step-father a chance to know your pain and position.

You can heal from this even with this set-back. Hugs and well wishes.