Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
So I've done it ! I've told hubby I'm leaving him in two weeks and I've got a house to move into on my own. I've still got to have the conversation with my 18 year old son about whether he is staying here or coming with me. (He's away on holiday at the moment which is why I've done it now ) so he cried and cried some more asked me to stay or if there was anything he could do to make me stay. I asked him again to admit to it but he continues to deny everything. It hurts to not know the truth because if there's the smallest little chance he really is innocent I'm about to end my marriage !. He said he can't bear to loose me. so yet again my head is a total mess !! But I've made one step.
The fear of doing this alone is huge. And I've got a scary few weeks ahead of me but there's no going back now.
I've only lived on my own for a few months (my soon-to-be husband had moved to the town where I would join him after we got married). I was surprised to discover that I wasn't lonely -- I enjoyed getting together with my friends without feeling like it was taking time away from my fiance. I went to museums or on walks by myself, and I could just think my own thoughts. I could eat or watch or listen to whatever I wanted -- no consensus. It was nice to see that I could manage on my own. I hope that will soon become evident to you as well.
Stay strong if your son is upset and refuses to join you. He is expressing his own fears and insecurities, and they are valid, but only because he has yet to accept the truth about his father. You can't make him believe, but seeing you managing comfortably on your own may embolden him to spread his own wings. Your leaving will allow your son to see his father more clearly, without you as a buffer. He will learn to see you as individuals. There's much to be admired in someone who takes the less comfortable path in order to seek peace.
In addition to the facts that she has loved him all her life in spite of being hurt many times by his behavior, that her father had spent much time and effort to make up for wrongdoings he had done to her and that he just before the disclosure had told her that she was all he had left; she also believes in rehabilitation of criminals rather than punishment and all that together have made it impossible for her to discard him totally. She hates what he has done, is extremely angy at him, thinks he is disgusting and cannot stand talking to him seeing him more than a couple of times a year but cannot break the bond fully. This has been and is a strain on my children's relations to each other but since nobody disbelieved the truth is has become partly standable. I hope your children will find each other. Ibe