Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Hi
For those of you who have walked with me over the last year, thank you. We have come a long way. We are all in a better space with a much stronger family unit.
The last few months have been spent mostly on supporting my parents. Dad passed away three weeks ago now. Many good things came out of the difficult journey watching him fade away, The hardest issues have been around how to include and exclude our son from everything. I think that we did really well, particularly myself, if I can say that, as to how we approached things. To put things into perspective, our son abused our daughters for years and none of us, except for my husband, have had any contact with him since the week we found out 20 months ago.
Our son's name appeared in the death notice, to honour my mother's wishes. I decided he could not attend the funeral but offered that he could go to a viewing, which he declined. Many people came up to us after the funeral and asked about a third child, or didn't we have a son. Guess I am getting used to saying that we have had a huge falling out and it's best not to have contact. We did video the funeral, so now we have to decide whether to let him view that, or an edited version, or nothing at all. Not a decision we need to make now. My husband and I are discussing issues more easily these days and are often of the same opinion, which helps. Still having regular counselling sessions, and there are always more things to talk about that flow out of events like this.
I had many good times with my father before he passed away, despite his dementia and other health issues. I was able to talk with him about some important things, lead him in prayer to ask Jesus into his heart, and forgave him for his shortcomings as a father, including his abuse towards me. Now I need to give myself permission to grieve the loss, as I am sick of facing pain and just keep shoving the emotions down. I've had to to be strong for others who need me at this time.
The other news is that we are now the proud parents of a 10 week old pup. We picked him up the weekend my father went into a coma, so in many ways it was a good thing to have him as a distraction and a positive in our lives. He has helped all of us, particularly my mother I think. Looking forward to many walks and play times with him.
Still looking for our new home. I fell apart yesterday after looking at one we thought might be right. Just got into the car and the tears wouldn't stop. I was grieving what we "lost" when we sold our home of almost 30 years, the place we had built and put so much emotion and thought into. I was so angry at how much fallout there is from the sexual abuse, like ripples in a pond. I was frustrated at how many people don't look after their house and then expect the people buying it to do all the maintenance they should have been doing the last 25 years or so. So much hurt is still bubbling just under the surface, but I don't want to face it.
As a result of medications I am on, my teeth have been badly damaged and I now need major dental work done. Great! Major anxiety territory. My counsellor is helping me with this one, apart from the financial side :-)
Enough prattling. I still browse and admire the courage and wisdom I see on this forum. I'm still here for you, even if it is just in prayer.
Hugs
For those of you who have walked with me over the last year, thank you. We have come a long way. We are all in a better space with a much stronger family unit.
The last few months have been spent mostly on supporting my parents. Dad passed away three weeks ago now. Many good things came out of the difficult journey watching him fade away, The hardest issues have been around how to include and exclude our son from everything. I think that we did really well, particularly myself, if I can say that, as to how we approached things. To put things into perspective, our son abused our daughters for years and none of us, except for my husband, have had any contact with him since the week we found out 20 months ago.
Our son's name appeared in the death notice, to honour my mother's wishes. I decided he could not attend the funeral but offered that he could go to a viewing, which he declined. Many people came up to us after the funeral and asked about a third child, or didn't we have a son. Guess I am getting used to saying that we have had a huge falling out and it's best not to have contact. We did video the funeral, so now we have to decide whether to let him view that, or an edited version, or nothing at all. Not a decision we need to make now. My husband and I are discussing issues more easily these days and are often of the same opinion, which helps. Still having regular counselling sessions, and there are always more things to talk about that flow out of events like this.
I had many good times with my father before he passed away, despite his dementia and other health issues. I was able to talk with him about some important things, lead him in prayer to ask Jesus into his heart, and forgave him for his shortcomings as a father, including his abuse towards me. Now I need to give myself permission to grieve the loss, as I am sick of facing pain and just keep shoving the emotions down. I've had to to be strong for others who need me at this time.
The other news is that we are now the proud parents of a 10 week old pup. We picked him up the weekend my father went into a coma, so in many ways it was a good thing to have him as a distraction and a positive in our lives. He has helped all of us, particularly my mother I think. Looking forward to many walks and play times with him.
Still looking for our new home. I fell apart yesterday after looking at one we thought might be right. Just got into the car and the tears wouldn't stop. I was grieving what we "lost" when we sold our home of almost 30 years, the place we had built and put so much emotion and thought into. I was so angry at how much fallout there is from the sexual abuse, like ripples in a pond. I was frustrated at how many people don't look after their house and then expect the people buying it to do all the maintenance they should have been doing the last 25 years or so. So much hurt is still bubbling just under the surface, but I don't want to face it.
As a result of medications I am on, my teeth have been badly damaged and I now need major dental work done. Great! Major anxiety territory. My counsellor is helping me with this one, apart from the financial side :-)
Enough prattling. I still browse and admire the courage and wisdom I see on this forum. I'm still here for you, even if it is just in prayer.
Hugs
Also I am thinking of doing a dream board for myself with scripture. Im not much into prosper preaching what not but it did sound nice to have something that was positive to be looking towaeds. Who knows. Blessings!!!
I have also started putting together a mindfulness box, which for now are scents I enjoy, textures I find soothing, objects with special memories or meanings etc. Will work on it over time.
Also really wanting to get into photography and take some art classes. Might even do art classes with my mother, but not sure she wants to. My problem is having the energy to keep momentum going. Might be enthusiastic for a few days and then something else knocks me about. Just got to keep getting up and keep my eyes on the goal, along with the help of encouraging people like everyone here, my husband, counsellor, friends and God.
Thanks for your encouragement about the right house. Some nice thoughts in there. I really don't get how a mother could not put the interests of their children first, particularly with something as major as sexual abuse. My heart breaks for families where the mothers are in denial, blame the victim, wallow in their own self pity etc. Everyone here is to be commended for what you do and have already done for your families. You really are amazing parents and partners.
My sympathies for all the hurdles you have had to face recently. Too much. Thank God, your husband is on board with you and you can support each other.
I like your explanation to those wondering about your son. It takes a lot of courage to admit to a falling-out, so that's enough to reveal to a casual acquaintance.
Thinking of you!