Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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heartsadx3 04/08/2018

My mom who is still married to the perp emailed me back in January. She refuses to acknowledge what happened but wants to see the kids. It's been 4 years and the kids hardly remember her and never ask about them. They know why we don't see them.

Her emails always start with how many babies have been born I have four brothers all who have not supported us. It seems they all are having girls. I think they have five or six girl grandchildren. I can't stand hearing that it just makes me think another victim how happy my step dad must be. Seriously. My daughter was two when he started to groom her. Days before her third birthday he abused her during an overnight stay.

My mom says in the email if only I had slept downstairs things would be different. I use to think that way to if only I hadnt left them there. But now I know nothing would have stopped him he would have gotten to her or maybe it would have gone on longer. He is a predator.

I hate that it has affected so many other relationships and caused so much estrangement.

Even if my mom were to get to a point where she accepted what happened I'm terrified she would trigger my daughters memories. She is doing so well and we've worked hard to get where we are.

I think she thinks that she can see the kids and not involve her husband. Ugh. BTW I never reply to her emails.

CasMac1 04/08/2018

Hi I am sorry you had to go through this, your right predators will keep on unless he gets stopped. I am guessing no charges were taken against him? you are right to keep her away, maybe just block her emails. If anything happens with the other kids there familys will tell you. you don't need to associate with her. Its positive your kids have moved on. unfortunately we all so if only, we never had a clue. but when we do , we have to act you know damn well he will replace your daughter with someone else. it is not an easy road to travel I remember going through the same thing with my mother.
In my case it was my brother and , oh no , he would never do that. he apologized years later but how many others are there? I do not believe I was the only one. Your so right don't let her get to you, she is aware now and has to take ownership. too . I would do the same stay away from her , I know it must hurt and be hard but it will get easier. when you remember it's for the sake of your kids. good luck hugs casey

hopefulmama 04/08/2018

My mother in law constantly invites us to dinner through my stepdaughter.Her grandson was the abuser and she supports him fully.I don't understand people,do they think after a couple years all is well?I would reply to the emails,- "in your f***** dreams".

SmilingThroughThePain 04/08/2018

Your words really touched me. My daughter just told me about her biological father a few weeks ago and so many women have told me "thank you for believing your daughter" it just shocked me, To see your mother doesn't support you, as a mother myself, really upsets me. You keeping your family away from this man should always be your number 1 priority to bad your mom doesn't feel that same way. Your kids are lucky to have a protector.

Naive1.2 04/08/2018

Stay strong, Heart. People in denial are always looking for others to join them and make them feel better about not facing the truth. It's like the alcoholic who asks an old friend in recovery to join him for a "couple" of beers. You don't need that misery, but you rankle your mom because, by keeping completely clear of her, you remind her that there might be something wrong with her husband. And with her. She'd still rather bring you down than admit this.

God bless those new little girls babies.

Momabearx10 04/09/2018

I am sorry:( It sounds like your mom is part of the problem. That's a crazy thing she said there. And no, perps find a way. And the blame is only on them not you ever. And her statement just proves you are doing the right thing. I think people think that denial is the easy thing and but in reality it just hurts more. My mom didn't support me either over my abuse. I know how much that hurts!! Do your sibilings know what he did? Hugs to you. Your a strong Moma.

heartsadx3 04/10/2018

Thank you it's always a process for me when I do get emails. I do have them sent to a separate folder so I only check it once or twice a year.

I suppose the small bit of hope that something has changed on her end. Only to be disappointed.

I talked to my brothers and emailed my step brothers. We had moved already so although I would have liked to have contacted them in person I was dealing with as much as I could with our situation.

My own brothers started with believing me but after we left flip floped making idiotic statements they were hearing from my mom. Again I had to draw a line. I was maxed emotionally myself and I just could not continue to defend the truth. I needed every ounce of me to take care of my daughter.

That became number one. I told my brothers they had the information now they need to make decisions themselves on how to handle it. I could no longer communicate if they weren't 100 percent on our side period. I did say that I needed to focus on my daughter and that down the road that could change.

Seeing their choices though made me realize it wasn't a good idea. I can't be sucked back into dysfunction and compromise.

My mom is the only person who contacts me.

THATmom 04/10/2018

Different situation but I can relate, my daughters abuser was her dad's brother (her uncle) and they all completely forgive him, even her dad (who she is still allowed contact with legally as he wasn't involved and their wasn't enough evidence so his brother got away with it, but he isn't allowed contact with me or her) so when her dad is visiting family or they have parties my daughter can never go because her uncle would be there, she's only 9 so it's extremely difficult, the rest of his family made out that me and my daughter were lying (although they seen the bruises, they said it was from them "play fighting") how they can sit with my little girl and act like everything is normal and nothing ever happened is beyond me, in my head i picture scenaries where their all found dead.

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