Welcome again on the board--you must have been through a lot in the last couple months. That's a really long time for them to wait for your daughter's interview, whatever the reason.

I don't know at all how things are going with the perpetrator, from looking back to refresh my memory he did admit what he did at first but then his mom was somewhat denying it, not sure how that has turned out, what he's admitted to police, etc.

I will respond but I have to disclose that I am coming from the perspective that my own son was the perpetrator in our case (and my daughter the victim) and he also offended around the age of 12-13. I can't speak at all to how the juvenile justice system would have handled it, since his actions weren't disclosed until he was already 18. But I've read a lot about juvenile offenders, why they do things, risk of re-offending, etc. If the authorities handle it well (and I have no idea what they actually will do), he WILL get consequences, but they won't be the same consequences an adult would get for the same action. From my perspective, appropriate consequences would include keeping him away from your daughter, away from other younger kids, and always supervised with any other children of any age, for quite awhile. It would include therapy and some form of making amends, community service, etc, although I don't know what that would look like. It might include time in residential treatment or detention. Those might not be the same as adult prison but they are very real consequences for a 13 year old boy. If done right (and admittedly that is a very big IF) they have the potential to be life-changing in a good way, giving him the awareness and tools he needs to express his sexuality in a healthy way for the rest of his life. 13 year old kids have a good prognosis to NOT re-offend if they get good treatment and cooperate with it, and it is usually (again, I don't know at all his circumstances or how cooperative he is) appropriate to give him a chance at adult life without being labeled a sex offender or felon if he cooperates and makes good progress in therapy. We are all very different people as adults than we are at age 13, the part of the brain that helps us control our actions makes huge strides from that age to the mid-20's.

Having said all that, and I hope I haven't made anything harder for you by saying it, it is still fine for your daughter to never want to see him, for you to be angry and want revenge...whatever you are feeling is valid, feelings are not right or wrong, they just are. Revenge fantasies are quite common among parents on this board.

My daughter was 8 when she was molested by her 12 year old cousin,it continued for 3 years.We reported,by that time they were 11and 15.He and his family moved out of state before my daughter disclosed.My daughter gave her statement.There was fondeling,forcing my daughter to fondle,no penetration,well,no penetration by his penis.Now this is my husband's brothers son.My husband's parents hired him a lawyer,.The boy never even had to talk to the police,case was closed.This is actually all too common.But being juviniles we are really doing them a disservice.If they got treatment it might just prevent them into becoming pedophiles.Some children get mandatory counseling but really the punishment is lienient.I had to accept that I couldn't focus on his punishment but on my daughter's healing.I also have to be content with the belief that he will have to answer to God as will the ones who stood by him.I hope you get the justice everyone deserves but don't let that take over and get in the way of healing.Sending positive thoughts.

My son’s abuser turned 11 right before my son disclosed the abuse. I reported to CPS and the police, but the DA decided not to pursue charges because of his age. A couple of months later, I was informed that, in addition to my son, 5 other children had disclosed abuse by the same boy (I already knew about one of them). Because he had abused so many, CPS forced the issue of a residential treatment facility for juvenile sex offenders. (He didn’t leave for the facility for 5 more months, though.) He’s still there now, 9 months later.

My son’s caseworker told me that, because of the extensive history, if the boy re-offends after he turns 13, he will be charged as an adult and be put on the sex offender registry for life.

I think this will depend largely on where you live those local policies. We did not report our daughter's assault to the police, but rather immediately sought a therapist, who reported the incident to Child Welfare Services. We have no idea what happened after that but absolutely no one ever contacted us. The mother of the juvenile perpetrator promised us that she would be seeking help for her son and (they were our next door neighbors) I did observe that the family did seem to be heading out to more appointments shortly after the incident. But, we (not unexpectedly) fell out because of the incident and I have no proof that anything was ever done. On one hand, I regret not going to the police to increase the odds that the boy would be forced into therapy and that his home life/past would be better evaluated. But, on the other hand, I'm extremely relieved that my daughter never had to be put through any interviews or invasive examinations. My concern was less for justice and more to prevent that boy for harming anyone else. If the system works than I shouldn't have had to do anything else. But, the system in my state does not have a good reputation.

It depends. My kids abuser was 12. Went to court guilty. It just all depends. Xoxo

Thank you all for your replies . This wait until I find out an update is awful . I’ve been struggling with my depression but watching my daughters strength and bravery and seeing her thrive In therapy is motivation for me not to get back into my deep depression.

Glad to hear you got back to check in. I'll warn you, every step of the legal system is SLOW. Waiting can really be a Weight to carry sometimes. I'm glad your daughter is doing well. Take care.

My daughter was molested by my youngest brother. She was 10 and he was 3 months shy of 16. When we were finally made aware of it, I went to my mother, told her what happened, and I haven't heard from her since. It has been almost 2 years. I thought we could get thru it together, but she had a whole other plan. My family is well known in the area for their business and their political ties and status. Very wealthy people. We called the police and went thru the CPS process. I immediately put my daughter into therapy. The major concern of mine is that nothing was done. The police said to me, "basically, it is a kissing cousin situation". That because they were only 4 years apart and only she has come forward, nothing can be done. It is a he said she said situation. My question is, how is this even legal to handle this situation this way? and what am I supposed to do with that answer? I am having a hard time with swallowing that answer still. And a very hard time instilling in my child that the police are good people, they are here to protect us when this is how her being molested was handled. I need help coping with this and help my daughter heal from it too. Essentially, we both lost 3 people that day; my mother, step-father, and youngest brother.

Hi! My sons abuser was also a juvenile. He will finally be sentenced in a couple weeks. But I know that its only probation and therapy. I'm trying to accept that as enough and some sort of justice for us.