I need some of your strength. I have a feeling my two boys will be put through a trial for the sexual abuse they endured by their adoptive father. How did you make it through the waiting period from the initial report of abuse through the DA pressing charges? We're on month three and a half and we're still waiting. It's like I'm slowing going insane and then watching my two teenage boys crumbling from the disclosure - I almost can't bare it at times. Any advice on how to keep pushing forward?

Hi, Angry_Sad_and_Determined. I have no connection to the Maxwell situation. We have never prosecuted my daughter's abuser. Although I have reported him to the police, my daughter has refused to press charges. So that's why I can only wish that every survivor can see justice in this lifetime.

I know that feeling, of being barely able to take another step, or another breath. It is so deeply painful to be in our position. The main advice I have about getting through it is to practice mindfulness, to focus on the present -- even if it is the breath you are presently taking. Youtube has an enormous trove of mindfulness meditations and mindfulness breathing exercises. I can post more about this in a bit (I'm headed for bed).

Until this happened to me, I had this weird idea that disclosure would bring peace. It is only a first step. The first time a survivor utters the truth is like letting a demon loose. All the strength it took to hold that demon inside must now confront the fear of what havoc this truth might wreak. I am so sorry that this has happened to your sons -- and to you.

One second will follow another; the minutes become hours, which become days and weeks. It may all be extremely painful for awhile -- quite awhile -- but you will see the time add up between disclosure and that future present, and you will sense that your strength is slowly growing. You are about to become exponentially stronger than you were before you had this knowledge. I guarantee it.

Naive1.2, thanks for the advice. It's like I do good for a while and at about a week and a half in I start to get anxiety and need a follow up from the authorities by week two. I think it's tougher because I filed for divorce from the abuser and the divorce case is moving faster than the criminal case. I didn't have a choice in any of the criminal case. I was getting things in order before reporting, but a friend of my sons reported for us. I couldn't stop this moving train if I wanted to. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we hadn't reported and my husband just left. I know that's not the right thing to do, but it has crossed my mind. Disclosure definitely hasn't brought peace. It brought a false sense of hope that I sometimes believe and sometimes don't.

I've actually thought about meditating, but haven't tried it yet. I always thought it was silly, but it will probably benefit me now. I have been trying to de-man my house, taking over the entire bathroom and bedroom to make it as if I'm single and it's only my stuff here. That has helped. I went back to Zumba. Sometimes I fight tears while dancing, but I'm around people who aren't judging and care about me.

My family is really lucky. I have a family that is supportive and believes, many friends that are supportive and believe, and am surrounded by so much support and love. I know there are families and kids who have no support or aren't believed. I have to remind myself of that.

That is a real bonus. I have the same. This frequently causes permanent rifts in families.

I'm glad you're turning your home into YOUR home. And dancing is such a great stress-reliever.

As for meditating, mindfulness meditations can take only a few minutes -- body scans, breathing exercises. Here are some you can learn quickly and do anywhere:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEfs5TJZ6Nk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bF_1ZiFta-E

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5hnvA9xbV4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DiVvCZo2Exk

YouTube is a great resource for mindfulness meditations. It is a sanity-saver.

Thanks Naive1.2! I'll take a look at these sights tonight.