Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
My father-in-law sexually abused our 5 year old son in January. Thankfully, our son told us after the first time it happened. We immediately contacted therapists and CPS. Our son has post-traumatic stress disorder due to the abuse. Although my husband wants no contact with his father he maintains and desires (admittedly greatly diminished) contact with his mother and sister, who both support the perpetrator and do not believe our son was abused. The evidence is ample, enough so that CPS issued a Level 1 finding which will stay in the system for 18 years. The perpetrator failed a lie detector test as well, yet denies any wrongdoing. These facts have been shared with my husband's mother and sister, but they do not seem willing to face the truth.
I feel that it is inappropriate and unsafe for my husband to maintain contact with those who support the perpetrator and deny our son's abuse and trauma. I think that his doing so may further hurt and confuse our son over time, and that it will create an incredibly awkward dynamic. My husband disagrees. Seeking guidance from those with experience! Thanks in advance, and wishing everyone in this group peace and healing.
Please have a look at responses to this post: "Family 'supports' abuser," as the considerations are nearly identical to your own.
Many, many hugs. Keep writing -- it helps!
I felt because of the trauma to my daughter and her ptsd that maintaining a relationship with any supporters would ultimately not be healthy for my daughter or her brothers. It really is a no win anyway you slice it.
I wish my mom had been supportive and at least believed my daughter even if she stayed that would have been something.
My kids have been ripped overnight from their only real set if grandparents my husband's mom is an alcoholic and dad passed before kids were born.
The decision weighs on me even four years later. I can't blame your husband for wanting to keep his mom and sister in his life. I would never wish estrangement on anyone it comes with it's own set of grief and wares on my heart and mind. Part of the restless nights.
But it is unfortunately a reality for most of us here. All I can say is keep the lines of communication open with your son a d therapist monitor his ptsd if it is triggered by grandma etc than definitely address boundaries around that. As for your husband the toll it takes on me I can't imagine being told to do it...in my opinion he has to make those choices. My husband does not agonize like i do it isnt his mom or sibblings.
Praise God he is fine with cutting out the perp that is number one and huge.
Keep the focus on your son and let your husband find his own peace with things. He may decide enough is enough on his own.
One thing is for sure in my opinion and this also was apart of my decision absolutely in no way should this person play a big role in your lives. She has already shown that she can't be counted on when the rubber hits the road. She can't be counted on for support in any way and especially financial. Keep the ties very loose and very surface also set a limit to the time spent. Make it short.
The people worth investing in are the ones that are for you and will stick by you no matter what for you and your kids. Find your people doesn't have to be blood.
Blessings.