Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
I accidentally posted this in the wrong group and that is exactly how my brain is working right now. I don’t want my babies to see me fall apart but it’s happening and I feel like I can’t stop it. I feel like the worst mom in the world. I will never forgive myself for not knowing and protecting them. I want to be able to focus on them because they need me, but I want to cry every time I look at them, so I feel like I have to pull away so I don’t scare them or make this about me, because it’s not about me. I just want to support them but I feel like im doing a terrible job. I have tried to find a therapist for myself but the only person my insurance had in my town had a 6 week wait. I finally got in to s e her and she said I needed to find someone else because she was going out of town. I can’t find anyone else because after that my brain stopped working and I can’t focus on anything long enough to follow through on it. How do I keep it together?
We are 4 years past disclosure. We have healed a LOT. I have been where you are. I had a therapist and I found therapist for my children.
There are times when I would come here and read others' stories, Sometimes I found answers but always I found help and healing. Even if only for the reason that I wasn't alone.
I don't know the age of your babies. Mine were 8 and 12. I can tell you that they were WAY stronger than I thought they could ever be and even stronger than me.
I lived my life feeling like the biggest liar and worst mother ever.
A liar because the every day question of "how are you?" "fine" was a total lie. I was being tortured and my heart was being broken. Repeatedly. Daily. A liar because I had to hide my tears ad swallow my pain. When I couldn't I explained to my babies that I am hurting because someone hurt them and we ware healing together.
The worst mom because, how did I not know this was happening? The truth is I am a great mom. I was lied to and deceived. As were everyone else in the abuser's family. I am a great mom because my children were comfortable enough to face their fears and tell me what was going on. I am a great mom because the abuse stopped and the abuser is in prison.
It is a process of healing. A long one. A painful one. If you cant find a therapist, we are here. Use our knowledge, strength, and support. One day you will be able to do the same for someone else.
With young children in the house, it is really tough to find time for your own tears! So now you feel guilty for needing time to pull yourself together. The guilt train never ends with this crime, but it's full of mothers (and some fathers) instead of perpetrators.
Parking your kids in front of the TV for a while so you can have a moment is not a sin. Our current private health care system not offering coverage for every therapist in town is a sin. This is much, much bigger than you, and it's horrendous.
If you live in the US, please visit: https://www.nami.org/Find-Support and scroll to the map of the US. This box has a search function to find NAMI resources in your state. It's a starting point for finding all options for self-care.
A thousand hugs. You are not alone; feeling alone is an illusion, as this is an epidemic.