Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group

This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !

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/ Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Support Group

Looking back

hopefulmama
hopefulmama

I don't post much anymore,we are 4 years post disclosure.I was looking back at old posts and went back to my first one.It was so strange to read and see how much I did not know,I was so naive and thought my daughter was the exception.So many gave advice and gave a heads up of what to expect and it was all spot on.But it also showed me how far we have come.Even though she has many struggles she has really overcome alot.i have learned so much,mostly things I don't want to know.I feel for those who are just starting this horrible journey.its full of heartache,anger,fear but know things do get better.Not back to normal but a new normal.We have cut family out of our lives but have found new family( my hubby is adopted and we recently found his birth family)We do what we want on holidays without the guilt of hurting family.Did I want it this way? Hell NO! But we have settled in to this new normal.I am at more ease when it comes to wanting to hurt the perp,I mean really hurt him,I push that thought out of my head and it's getting easier to do that,I don't feel as guilty as I did and I don't blame my husband for being part of a f****d up family that burried their heads in the sand.I suppose in a couple years I'll look back at this and see we have grown even more.Hugs to everyone!

brknhrt
brknhrt
Thanks for checking in and for the encouragement. Even 10 months after disclosure I can look back and see how much I know now that I didn't then, and how much I've grown. You are so right that so much of what you learn is stuff you never wanted to know about. Sadder but wiser.
warriormomx5
warriormomx5
And you not only survived but got back to thriving! So glad to hear you guys are doing well.<3
JFoust
JFoust
Am I the only one that just gets tired of it. That sounds so shallow but sometimes I just want it to all go away.
Tina0517
Tina0517
Happy to hear, you found a new normal!:) that’s what I am hoping for too, but we aren’t there yet! We finally finally found a good qualified and fitting play therapist and we started EMDR therapy a couple of months ago and the therapist said it, might take a bit over another year. So we are hanging in there and are hopeful, that this directive and well known kind of therapy works. And indeed the advise I get and this kind of structured therapy helps me a lot at home ( the other day our homework was to watch the movie insight out or implement a dot system ( dab o ink from bingo ) on a big sheet of white paper for everything good the kids do, listening, being helpful, thoughtful, sharing, using their skills, anything positive gets a dot to visualize the positive in my child ( for us and for her to actually see all the positive things about her! And not only remembering more the outburst or focus on difficult and negative behavior) but rather enhance and empower all positives to face the difficult parts like anger and that sadness, pain in session as swell at home.. building life long resources for her by strengthening her positive side and how she can make herself happy, when she is not ( we have a happy list:) e.g. drawing, playing barbies, reading, swimming, singing, puzzles etc.. ) and indeed, I see progress! She calmed herself down the other day ( we avoided a bad outburst!!!) by her going to another room and reading her favorite princess book! ) so happy to see this progress:) and negative behavior and cognition not only has to be changed in my now 6 year old daughter, but also in myself and my husband, which isn’t easy especially when it comes to anger about the whole situation, So we too are learning. it is also very helpful and I find important to have our own individual counselors as well to deal with all; what the abuse means to us as a family as well as individuals and how it changed us and cut the ground from under our feet.
so we are our third year into our healing process and we got confirmed, we are on the right path to living and happier and normal life.
but processing everything just takes time. So I am happy to hear hopefulmama that you are finally there after 4 years. That’s what we are hoping for as well. It got so much better when looking back to end of 2016! But still some work to do and we get there. I am hopeful :)

JFoust, you are not the only one!!! Believe me I was there, I am still there on certain days, but then I say emotions come and emotions go and I know the next day will be better. I am praying and we just have to think positive and truly believe it, that we get to a happy and normal life again, then we will one day!:)

> Law of attraction....

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_attraction_(New_Thought)
m88jr
m88jr
Your post gave me some hope in what feels like a hopeless time