OMG how so sad:( Poor baby. And Momma. This scares me so bad, I can tell you at 14-15, my thoughts were very much like this. And I'm scared for my son. Hugs and prayers. And I appreciate all of your feedback you've given.

So sorry to hear this, Warrior. Do consider teaching him movements that cross the midline, to help him integrate the right and left brain hemispheres. This the basis of EMDR — to help activate the whole brain in support of healing. Depression and PTSD tend to compartmentalize in small portions of the brain, and allow too much negative ideation in those areas. They get stronger in terms of focusing on what’s wrong and on hopelessness. Spreading it across the brain allows for more problem-solving. Ask your son to cross his arms across his chest and alternately pat his right arm with his left hand and his left arm with his right hand as he thinks about what made him sad. Then ask him if anything new came to mind. After he tells you, have him repeat this. You may find that he begins to find solutions or become less bothered by whatever set him off. Please keep
Me posted!

Privacy and solitude are suicidal ideation’s best friends. Engage him as soon as you can to break the circular thinking.

Naive1.2,
I'm familiar with the "butterfly hug" from EMDR. I've attempted to engage this type of action with him but he becomes more combative! When he lets me, I will lightly pat alternating shoulders as I comfort him but this is rare. My husband and I are actually trying to figure out someone besides his current therapist to do some EMDR treatments on him as he is the only one in our that has not healed as drastically!

Dear Warrior, thank you so much for opening this post. I was intending to do so for a long time, but the DS site does not allow me to open new conversation threats since the last platform update…. Well, as you know, my two young sons were abused as early as 1-2 to 4 years old (violent, chronic, abuse, by their grandparents - my in-laws -, and several other people linked to their main abusers). They are now 7 and 5. The eldest was the most several abused, especially physically and emotionally, since we all did love his grandparents and he trusted them dearly. Horrible. Well, yesterday he was upset just because a drawer fell down to the floor while he was trying to reach something, and he started saying he is worth nothing, that he wants to die, to kill himself (literally), he then laid on the floor and took a chair and placed one of the chair legs punching his neck until he choked. I was giving a shower to his two younger siblings, my husband was out. I tried to play the situation down, sat by him, hugged him, tried to calm him down, brought him to a different room were we hugged again. I tapped the two sides of his forehead, because I am not very skilled with the butterfly hug from EMDR (even if I was taught several times by the therapist). He said he felt he was horrible, that he was doing so many things wrong, that he was sorry he had been misbehaving earlier (he had, indeed), and he deserved to die for all that. We talked long about the beauty of life, about taking care of his body, who is his best friend, and healthy and strong, but then I could not continue. I was devastated. So I said something so…. wrong, but that it was I felt (and it was true): Ïf you go, Mom will go with you too". He started crying desperately, saying Momma please do not, do not die, continue here, and I said "I will continue, if you do". So stupid for me to say so, because I opened, implicitly, the door to the real possibility of suicide, you see? I was so powerless …. My clever and sweet child then made look through the window, it was dawn, and told me "look at the trees, look at nature, there is a future, there is hope" (textual words, things that I very often tell them in everyday situations, when we go for a stroll in nature, etc.). He seemed to calm down (at night things happened again when one of his eyes got swollen because of an allergy, triggers again….). I put a movie for him and his siblings who were waiting in the other room, it was Shrek. I texted my husband and he came back with tasty "trash" food (otherwise forbidden in our home, but given the situation). He did not mention the issue immediately (even if he talked afterwards with our eldest, tenderly). The movie was fun, and he seemed to relax momentarily. I am worried because of him, and also because of his siblings following the same comments/patterns of self-harm (they admire my eldest so much). Exhausted and devastated.

New conversation "threads" …. not threats…. sorry, my typing was automatically changed while typing….

I to struggle with the fact that my littlest follows a lot of what my six-year-old does. My littlest is already quirky off to them Spectrum style child, so then to add in the PTSD style Behavior copying older brother is just frustrating and sometimes downright depleting. That's part of why I work so hard with my 6 year old to not act the way he is. It's easier to tell the older children who have gone through all this drama to remember to be a good example to the younger siblings because they're older. But it's hard when my 6 year old who lost almost two years of his life to abuse and the other two were his childhood and the other two were his healing time, so he just wants to be my baby again, to make him buck up and do it is dressed when he just needs to be loved and cuddled and smothered in affection like a baby. One of the other behaviors I'm working on with him is basically refusing to eat food unless I feed him and only if I can get him to emotionally calm down. He's been the same weight for like 3 years partly due to this issue. Don't beat yourself up over what you said and have a real conversation with your baby that confirms that you will never take your life no matter what because you know that is not the right thing to do ever. You need to set the example to him both verbally and emotionally so that he will attempt to follow suit since obviously he looks up to you. You don't want to play this back-and-forth game specially this young because as it gets older he might test the waters to see what happens. That's my gentle encouragement to you. Otherwise you are doing your best so don't be discouraged and just keep trying to get through every hour every day.

Depression thrives on inertia, and spectrum disorders are basically communication disorders. So, this puts you at odds with both of the methods I suggested -- "arm patting" and talking.

Please have a look at this 2012 Q/A column by Francine Shapiro herself. It addresses the effectiveness of EMDR with depression as well as with trauma, and, about halfway down, it addresses the effectiveness of EMDR and ASD. In the past five years even more research has been done.

dehttps://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/16/expert-answers-on-e-m-d-r/

Meanwhile, you can engage your son in midline-crossing activities such as helping you sort laundry by making a pile of his clean clothes on one side and his siblings' clothes on the other; same with pairing socks. You can gradually engage him in a naming game: "mine" "his" "hers," etc. Or put a pile of mixed Legos on either side of him and ask him to sort them however he wishes so that he makes piles different sorts on both sides of him. You could do the same with loose change. Or, you could roll a ball toward him as he sits in his quiet spot; if the ball rolls toward his right side, he has to roll it back to you using his left foot, and vice versa. If he's solving problems with both sides of his brain, your son will be supporting his own ability to heal.

Also, gentle hand clap games like this one can allow you to lead the action as you begin to talk:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NEwPQUFHcc

Looks like there are plenty of videos of different hand-clapping patterns.

Thank you for sharing I am still really new in the journey but my son is 3 now. So it’s good to know what helps when these things arise. Your such a great mom, very patient with him. I am just trying not to break down in front of my son.

Naive1.2,
My 3 year old is the spectrum child. My 6 year old victim does ok with typical approaches to EMDR once I am allowed to touch him.

Yesterday the whole morning was responses to flashbacks! The whole house was tore apart due to "angry" boy and then that became "sad" boy. He had a staring spell (his flashback que) in front of me and confirmed that he's been processing though 1 specific memory about all the monster kids (this conversation I audio recorded) hurting him. Anyways, after we talked it out, calmed down & journaled, he did all his school! THIS is monumental! So, a bit of hope. My hubby feels that we need to put him on prozac or something while I want to try EMDR, fish oils & essential oils 1st because he's only 6! I DON'T want to steal anymore of his freedom in life by altering his already fragile brain chemistry at 6. Anyways, now it's been confirmed that it is most definately still PTSD episodes. :/

Helpme2017,
I still break down...normally in the shower! Lol. Remember, it's been 2 1/2 years since disclosure for us...the beginning was WAY rougher and I cried a LOT more. We're in the "try to have a normal life again" phase while you are just beginning your journey in the "survival" phase. Just do your BEST & you'll get there!

I had some very wise people (including my therapist) tell me that it's ok to let our littles see our emotions. Just make sure they know that your sad because of what the bad people did to them and NOT because they shared with you. Ask them how they feel and validate their feelings with your own (rated G of course.) You can do it!

My now 7-year old son, the one who talks more frequently about wanting to kill himself, is having many emotional ups and downs. He did around 30 sessions of EMDR who helped a lot, although he still has difficulty with controlling his aggressive behavior with his younger brothers or even myself (he has threatened to hit me, and sometimes does). I am loving, patient, caring, but sometimes I have to stay firm when he kicks one of his siblings (even the 3 year old!) because they unwillingly touched him with a toy or mess up with his biscuits while playing. I am in contact with an new (non-EMDR) therapist, this time a young, male, therapist who deals with boys who have been sexually abused. Our conversations with him have been promising so far (both me and my husband talked to this new therapist and had an excellent feeling, let us see, I do not trust anybody any longer…..). Another issue, now regarding my father in law situation: yesterday I did one of the most healing things in the last three years, I went to the area of sentence executions in Court and was received with so much respect and care. At this point, after 3 years and 7 judges (at different levels) judging in our favor, nobody looks at me any longer with an expression meaning "is this lady saying the truth?"…. Nobody puts anything into question now. They talk about him as the "child rapist" or the "criminal", and so on, and they told me the police will be taking him into prison within days. This is of course confidential, they do not want the molester to know they are behind him. Crossing fingers!