Oh, boy, am I sorry to hear this, h3ath3r. And what a complicated situation to resolve.

You have done great so far. Thank heavens you believed your baby. My daughter was the same age as yours is when she was raped by a neighbor (for about a year, although she only told me about it 16 years later), and oh, my God, it is so painful to realize that our beautiful daughters' childhoods were over barely after they had begun. But if we spend a moment in denial, we risk forfeiting their trust -- and trust is in such short reply for survivors of child sexual abuse. Still, for us, "upside down" is the only way to describe our own reaction. It is a difficult sensation to explain to anyone who has not experienced it.

Other parents who post here have real expertise in the specifics of situations like yours. I would fear steering you wrong. However, I will support your suspicion that "working it out" should never, ever happen. You have five children and he has already hurt one. He must never again be able to have his pick!! The ONLY good part of my own daughter's situation is that we happened to move away from that neighbor within a year or so of his first attack. Unlike your situation, we had no legal disentanglement to endure -- we simply packed up and moved several states away. I only wish I had known then what had happened to my daughter so I could have killed that monster on my way out of state......or at least had him arrested and prosecuted first.

If you'll scroll down a bit on the main group page, you'll soon come to a thread called "All Resources in One Place," or something close. Please have a look at the links there -- you will find an incredible wealth of information of all kinds -- legal, emotional, books for you to read with your children. Also, please stop by www.mosac.net -- that site is full of all kinds of useful information, and of links we may have yet to put here.

I am one of five children. My parents were divorced (because of good, old-fashioned incompatibility). We have all grown up to be strong, competent people. Your children will always know -- or will grow to know -- that you did what was best for them. Be strong and post here as often as you need. You have come to a place where you will receive LOTS of whole-hearted support.

I am in a similar situation, although I was not married to the person. I can't imagine working it out. Just from hearing from others and also reading about these types of situations. How long ago did this happen that she told you? Is he still in the house? Did he admit to it?

The first thing I felt when my daughter told me was shock and disbelief. There are still some times where I think to myself that this maybe is a dream and didn't happen. It's the mind's way of protecting us.

I feel for you because you are probably experiencing hurt and fear on so many levels. I know one thing that DID NOT HELP me at all was googling and reading articles. I did it so much that I felt crazy and there are many negative articles out there. This has been the greatest help to me and it has only been a week or so!

I feel for you and for your family. I want you to know that I am here for you because I know how it feels and I know the confusion and hurt that you feel.

I'm so sorry this has happened in your family. My 8 year old disclosed to me a month ago that my 13 year old step son had been sexually abusing him. I know the devastation you're feeling. You will get through this! Right now it hurts so bad you want to die, but it will get better. My son's disclosure was only five weeks ago and we're already doing better. At the point you're at you need to take it one minute at a time. Then one hour at a time. Then one day at a time. I remember when we made it to the "week" point I thought to myself, "I survived the first week." Then it was two, then three.

First of all, know that you've done the right thing for your daughter by notifying the authorities, that is the first thing you needed to do. The second thing you need to do is keep your daughter and other children safe. I don't see how your husband being in the home is possible. If he won't leave or the authorities haven't arrested him, do you have family you can stay with? The next thing you need to do after that is get your daughter and yourself into some counseling and therapy. CPS should be able to direct you to these resources.

I understand that you are scared of being alone. And the fact that you're a stay at home mom compounds this fear. None of us can tell you what to do as far as your marriage try not to worry about that right now. Get you and your family into therapy. Get the legal proceedings over. Then go from there. One thing at a time!

I was in this same situation as yours 6yrs ago where my then 12yr old daughter said the same thing to me and I was a mother at home with 4 children. I walked out on my husband and marriage of 13yrs that day. It was the hardest time of my life and I felt the exact same emotions you did. I spent the next months grieving for loss of family, marriage feeling lonely and confused, with very little support. Six years on and after Coucelling have learnt that daughter survived this with the help of a mother who believed her, so good on you for doing the same.. You've made this so much better for your girl. My ex husband is now in jail for these crimes. It has been a hard journey getting him there but I've grown and become a stronger woman for it. Big hugs to you!!!

Thanks for all the replies. He has admitted to it and is devastated as well of course but I told him that he has to face the consequences whatever they may be. He is not in our home at this time while I try to figure out how to move on from here. My biggest fear is that he will go to jail only because I will lose child support money if he does. For that reason alone I hope he can plead it down because 5 kids is expensive and I feel like it would punish me and the kids to lose money.

I think he's probably devastated that he got caught. I wish that my ex would also admit to his wrongdoing. In the end, you will be glad that your kids are safe more than the money issue. It's all new for you family so I'm sure that it is scary. As time passes, things will change and become more clear. You may want to check with the attorney general has victim compensation programs that could help.

Also, even if he doesn't go to jail, he could lose his job over this. It may be helpful to plan right now as much as you can. If you have a savings, I would monitor and make sure that you get your part of it. I'm sorry if I'm overwhelming, I'm just trying to think of all of the things I wish I had done from the getgo.

Money comes, money goes. (Right now, most of it is gone for my family, so I know!! :-/ ) You can find support from all kinds of sources -- church, family, friends, community and government organizations. But you CANNOT find safety anywhere but in his being in jail for a very long time. Pleading this down means that a dangerous felon would go free, free to wreak who knows how much more pain and suffering on other children (and the odds are, he already has done so). I'm sorry to say, your struggle toward healing is only beginning. Pray for the longest sentence he can be given, because in six months, when you're still being triggered at the thought of what he has done, you will again be on your knees that you didn't pray now for financial expediency.

I'm so sorry you are in this position. I stay home as well and I know how dependent the money is on husbands working. I am so proud of you for reporting it now, I was thirteen when I told my mom that my step dad had molested me and she stayed and did nothing about it and I was forced to grow up with him as my step dad (my mom had full custody). Now he has abused my daughter as well. It is a complicated situation my step-dad had gone to counseling when I confronted him around the time I was having my own kids. Only he lied to me and his counselor that he did not have an attraction to children. My daughter was two at the time he abused her. I wish my mom had reported it and saved not only me but also my daughter. She still defends him and now I am separated from her over this and it has caused a huge chasm in our family. So all though this is a momentary hardship in the end you will be glad to have addressed it now. If you attend church or even if you don't you can seek out financial help through churches they are often very helpful for a single mom with children. The state can supply food money. I wish they had more they could do but tap into all the resources you can to get you through while you sort through this situation. Can you setup a gofundme account that you can post on facebook and other often times people do want to help but don't know how this makes it easy to do from home. Also find a support group. Often churches have single parents groups that can feed the kids dinner and provide a break and companionship. You aren't alone. You can get through this. Praying that it works to your favor and in your childrens best interest to find healing and recovery. Also if you have filed for victim witness you will have free counseling make sure your affected children receive this help.

Also, on those days when you will wish he was dead, dead, dead -- you will be grateful that he is somewhere that you can't get at him.

I'm so sorry for all you and your daughter and other kids are going thru right now. It's a huge mess with so much turned upside down and emotions running all over the place. I'm so glad you reached out here for help and support. The thing sticking in my mind right now is your fear of losing the financial means to support your precious kids. There are steps that can be taken to ensure you have finances in place. A women's resource center usually has a legal advocacy dept that can help you do what you can legally to prevent him from taking your savings. Also, here's the link to the victims of crime compensation office in your state: http://www.crimevictim.utah.gov/ . There are several different services they offer, one of them is counseling for the victim, and for you and other kids if necessary as secondary victims. They should be able to refer you to someone with experience in treating child sex abuse that's age appropriate, possibly at a children's advocacy center where they deal with this issue. I believe they can also help with securing funding to help support your children.

I'm about five years down the road from where you are right now. My sons were abused by a teacher/family friend from our town. He was only 5 yrs older than my oldest son. When my oldest went to college, he started abusing my twins. Long story short, when they finally reported, the perp hired an aggressive lawyer with an aggressive private investigator, we were all checked out to find any kind of dirt possible. There were all kinds of delays and continuances even though he was caught on a taped phone call admitting it. My kids had to get back to college or lose their grants and scholarships, so they agreed to a slap-on-the-wrist plea deal that among other things included a 3 yr suspended sentence, 15 yrs on parole, Megan's law sex offender registry, loss of his teaching license and supervised contact with anyone under 16. The sentencing was mid Aug 2011. He was just caught a couple weeks ago trying to get near kids by playing as a percussion gigger for a high school choir concert near here, in violation of his parole. We found out he's working for a home organizing company his mom's best friend set up for him where he cleans and organizes homes and businesses--including kids' bedrooms, playrooms, day cares, an orphanage, etc. He is clearly trying to get around the terms of his parole to get near kids. He also never registered as a sex offender in one town he moved to but again got a slap on the wrist. His psychosexual evaluation supposedly determined that he is unlikely to reoffend. Yeah Right! A sociopath can easily fool a professional.

Sorry for hijacking your post, my point is that you've done the right things so far, but this crime is committed by people who are not easily treated. The fact he admits it and is sorry is a good start, but he still needs to pay for his crime, and also get the proper help and not be allowed near any kids, even his own, unless his victim has had sufficient therapy and is old enough to decide she can handle seeing him, AND he's had sufficient therapy and has proven he's "cured."

My heart really goes out to you, I know this is so awful, so difficult, so unbelievable. How awesome is your daughter to have had the courage to "accidentally" tell you about this, good for her. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, keep coming for any support you need, even if you just need to vent. (((hugs)))

Thank you all. I am just taking one day at a time right now and to know that i am not alone is a big help for me right now.

My daughter made the same disclosure when she was just shy of 8 (2 yrs ago). I wasn't sure what to do, where to turn, etc so I called my therapist and she made the needed calls to police and CPS and they took it from there. He's serving a lengthy prison sentence now and although it sucks to not get child support knowing my 3 kids and society are safe is priceless. PM me if you want to chat.