A brief recap of our story is that my stepson sexually abused my daughter for approx 2 - 2 1/2 years. She was probably 5/6 when it started and she was 8 when she told me. She disclosed last November 29th. My stepson had already gone to school. I filed a report, rushed my 3 other kids who live at home (they wanted to interview all of them) to the Childrens Justice Center for interviews so that they would have enough evidence to pick him up before school was out. There was no way I was picking him up. He was picked up by the police. He admitted a little bit at first, but gradually came clean. He was 16 when she disclosed the abuse, so was 13/14 when he started.

I have explained before on this site that he swore he was never molested by anyone else. He had been sneaking onto my computer and had figured out the password and was downloading porn and watching it in his room. He was stealing, vandalizing, etc. Long story, but you get the picture. I have raised this boy since he was about 5 and adopted him a few years ago. He has almost no contact with his bio mom.

Anyway. He has been at the treatment facility for about 10 months. He spent about a month at the juvenile detention center before that. He has worked really hard and is doing really well. I know it is a little uncomfortable to discuss the perp in good terms on this site, but I have to say he has worked hard and has changed a lot. He communicates with us, he has explored all his behavior problems, etc. etc. etc. He will never live under my roof again, and I have made that clear to him. He understands.

Anyway, the shock came last week when we went to our "family" therapy session (only my husband and I go, but it's called family therapy) He disclosed that my older son touched him one time. He had struggled with telling us. This is my son from a previous relationship before I met and married my husband. He says it only happened once and that he agreed to it. But he is foggy on the conversation and exactly when it happened. I am floored. I don't know how to feel. I feel guilty because I am not as upset over this as I am over my stepson molesting my little girl. It was only once and he wasn't a child. In fact, by that point, he was already dabbling in pornography and stealing, we just didn't know it yet. My older son apparently was dabbling in porn also at that point.

We are a Christian family, no porn mags in the house, we don't even have a working TV except in my bedroom and it only gets a couple of stations. We don't have cable, we don't have bad movies in the house. Basically both of them were viewing and exposed to it at friends houses and at school when someone brought some to school. My older son said he stopped. I was never really convinced, but he was very independent. He got a job at 15, has kept that job until now, age 19, when he just changed to a better job. He bought a car, paid his own way, got a cell phone, a laptop. He didn't cause me any trouble so I didn't check on him as closely as I should have. It was easier to just let him be because I had my hands full with my stepson.

I am so confused. My 19 year old has been on his own for about a year and a half. I called him and he came over Friday night and I told him what his step brother had said. He cried and said he thought it was all behind them. He says it only happened once. He had been viewing porn and wanted to see what it would be like to touch his brothers privates. He said his brother said it was ok. He says they were a lot younger than my stepson remembered, but he was also kind of foggy on it. He blames himself for the abuse his little sister endured. He says it is probably his fault. He says he can't come here ever again. I am so full of sorrow, but not as angry as I was when I found out about my stepson. I love them both, so I am very confused by my reaction. I know he never touched any of the other kids. He was livid when he found out what his step brother had done, yet, he must have known that it may have been a reaction to what he had done.

My stepsons therapist says he has to report it. I had to tell my son that he is going to have to go and be interviewed. The therapist says he isn't sure what will happen, but that most likely nothing would come of it because of the length of time since it happened. He also says that most likely my stepson would have done what he did regardless because of everything he was doing (porn, stealing, etc.).

I am lost all over again. I am mourning all over again. First for my little girl, then for my stepson for what he had done to him, but also for the loss of a "normal" life for him. He and we as his parents will always have to be on guard. I am also mourning for the loss of my older son and my image of what I thought he was. I was hiding my head in the sand all these years, I guess.

I am lost. I don't know what to do or how to feel. I want to scream at him and tell him this is all his fault for starting this cycle of abuse. But I also feel badly for him. He has been carrying this around for years and has tried to push it down from his memory.

Thanks for "listening" I guess there isn't much anyone can tell me or any advice for me, but I just had to get this out and share it. I am not sure why, just for a little relief I guess. My husband hasn't brought this up, I think he is uncomfortable with it and isn't sure how to approach it. I have always defended my oldest son and he probably is afraid that I will still defend him in this. I just don't know how I feel or what to do.

(Big Sigh) thanks for letting me vent. Hugs to all of you. Jen