Parents Whose children have been sexually abused Community Group
This group is for parents whose children have been sexually abused. We welcome both Mothers and Fathers. Here, we can offer support to one another. We can vent, cry and lift each other up. No condemning or criticizing allowed. We are here for support. We LOVE (((HUGS))) !
Out of the blue yesterday, my son said, "I hope [stepsister] is okay at Daddy's house." I asked him what he meant; he didn't say anything for a while then tentatively related it to [stepbrother who abused him] being "the boss" when the adults are still asleep in the morning.
The caseworker let slip to me a while ago that the boy who abused my son also abused this girl, the boy's sister. Now I'm worried that my son was exposed to that as well. I'm going to mention it to his therapist this week and I left a message with the caseworker to call me back, but this is breaking my heart. My little boy wants to protect everyone around him. I can't imagine the pain he felt knowing that this girl was being hurt in the way he was being hurt and not being able to stop it.
I just needed to tell someone, so here I am.
When she was in high school, she was the one who stayed sober at parties so she could assist those who were dangerously drunk. (We lived in a very affluent town at the time, and affluent kids are more likely to drink to excess; I hated this aspect of life there. It seemed so hard for her to find friends who didn't drink....). I told her at the time that it would be wiser to call 911, but I know that would have made her a pariah at school. Now I have a better understanding of why she believed it was necessary to protect others' secrets.
My daughter recently earned a medical certificate and is now a professional caregiver. Had she never disclosed to me, I would have chalked up her concern simply to her innate personality: she is a caring person. I might even have taken credit for it: look at what a great and loving parent I was! I might have felt superior to other parents. However, my daughter's desire to undo the pain of others, when she has faced so much pain of her own, is truly a gift she has given to herself. I may have provided a small example, but she is the one who should truly be proud of who she has become. Had I not known what she witnessed, I would have thought of her as a hero. Knowing the truth allows me to see that she is actually a superhero.
I'm so glad your son has told you about this (which he may have witnessed himself). As painful as this knowledge is to your son (and to you), and as important as it is for him (and for you) to address, therapeutically, the anxiety he faces as a result, hold tight to this shining nugget of truth: your son has empathy, and this experience did not crush his empathy. The perspective he has gained -- his ability to think of others in spite of his own pain -- will enrich his decision-making as he grows, and make him a leader..